WE ARE CLOSED
An unprecedented climatic catastrophe, ( viz the wholly unexpected descent of a snowflake ),
All airports, ports, railway stations, bus termini, roads, tramways and footpaths are inaccessible.
Electricity, water, gas, internet and public radio services may be subject to sudden interruptions.
Her Majesty’s Government understands that intending visitors to the United Kingdom may be surprised by this action given our normally tropical climate.
An emergency Clean Out Congealed Kompressed Unexpected Precipitation plan will be put into operation as soon as we find the on switch for the Very Big Heater we buried under London during the last Frost Fair of 1814.
We hope to see you in the Spring – please remember to pack your waterwings and bring a small rowing boat.