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HM Government


Emergency Notice for visitors to the UK

WE ARE CLOSED
Do not travel to the UK
Her Majesty’s Government wish to notify all intending visitors to the United Kingdom that the country is closed until further notice.

An unprecedented climatic catastrophe, ( viz the wholly unexpected descent of a snowflake ),
has rendered the Kingdom paralysed and unable to function.

All airports, ports, railway stations, bus termini, roads, tramways and footpaths are inaccessible.
Roller skates and bicycles are subject to an emergency banning order lest their users skid
and get a nasty graze.

Electricity, water, gas, internet and public radio services may be subject to sudden interruptions.
Countdown is safe as is Eastenders and Facebook profiles will continue to function.
Stephen Fry has been relocated to an undisclosed bunker so that he may twitter uninterrupted.

Her Majesty’s Government understands that intending visitors to the United Kingdom may be surprised by this action given our normally tropical climate.
Snow is unheard of in these islands, we really weren’t expecting this, oh no.

An emergency Clean Out Congealed Kompressed Unexpected Precipitation plan will be put into operation as soon as we find the on switch for the Very Big Heater we buried under London during the last Frost Fair of 1814.

We hope to see you in the Spring – please remember to pack your waterwings and bring a small rowing boat.

Love

This entry was posted on Monday, February 2nd, 2009 at 10:45 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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