Bank Crisis: Your questions answered.
Q. How does the BACS system work?
A. Joan comes in on Tuesday and types all the stuff into the keypad.

Q. Why has my salary not been paid into my bank account?
A. Our computer got a bit tired during the week. It’s Easter and it’s been going for about thirty years, what do you expect? Plus Joan has got a cold – OK?

Q. What does ‘BACS’ stand for?
A. It is a playful anagram of SCAB which originally stood for ‘SCam At Bank’. Over the years the meaning has gradually changed and now SCAB is popularly understood to stand for, ‘Soaring Charges And Bollocks.

Q. When will I get my money?
A. On Monday.

Q. Why not Saturday or Sunday?
A. Saturday and Sunday are not banking days.

Q. What does that mean?
A. Joan has her hair done on Saturday and goes to see her grandchildren on Sunday.

Q. Can I get cash at the weekend?
A. Maybe. Maybe not, sucker.

Q. That’s unacceptable.
A. Actually that’s British Banking.

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