Archive for July, 2017

Quilted

Sunday, July 23rd, 2017

You know it is time to review your mailing list preferences when you receive an email inviting you to buy this.

Park life

Tuesday, July 18th, 2017

A walk through Hyde Park earlier and an encounter with the latest fitness fad. A phalanx of sweaty runners accompanied by topless ‘trainers’ (also sweaty) carrying tinny portable speakers blaring out crappy ‘inspirational musak’. This I presume to motivate their victims to ever more perspirational efforts as they pound relentlessly around the byways intimidating lumpen bloggers into the undergrowth for fear of being trampled.

No wonder we lost The Empire.

Meetings after meetings

Saturday, July 15th, 2017
  • You rock up to the meeting.
  • There is lots of moderately expensive dark suiting in the room but InflentialPowerPerson is not wearing a jacket.
  • You spend hours trying to look interested while a succession of non-entities circulate their poorly typed reports or show you their poorly designed powerpoints.
  • You earnestly circulate your own poorly typed report, give a dull but safe ‘overview’ whilst wishing you were on a beach in Barbados.
  • The Chairdrone sums up, thanks everyone and concludes the meeting.
  • Nobody stands up.
  • People shuffle their poorly typed papers and tap on their Expensivesmartstatusgizmos.
  • They rearrange their designerpens before slowly decanting them into their man/woman/nongenderspecific bags.
  • Someone stands up, closely followed by their neighbours who all engage in chitchat.
  • On the far opposite side of the table InflentialPowerPerson stands up and is immediately surrounded by several WannabeLadderClimberPersons.
  • They all sidle into a corner of the meeting room and mutter powerfully to each other.
  • InflentialPowerPerson cracks a funny and all of theWannabeLadderClimberPersons guffaw excessively. It can’t be that funny because InflentialPowerPerson is notoriously dull.
  • By now you have rearranged your pens and updated your Expensivesmartstatusgizmo as much as you feasibly can without looking like you are loitering with intent to join a MeetingAfterMeeting.
  • You notice anotherMeetingAfterMeeting gathering near the doorway and, just as you do InflentialPowerPerson extricates themselves and brushes past the door MeetingAfterMeeting saying a few words to MinorPowerPerson who promises to email ImportantPowerThing later.
  • Finally you accept that nobody is going to engage you in any sort of MeetingAfterMeeting so you leave, feeling that you are missing out on something vital to your future.

Bleach

Thursday, July 13th, 2017

You had all the personal warmth of a bottle of bleach.
I thought you’d grow on me and I you.
Your customary coldness, noted in our previous meetings, I’d put down to reticence. Or reserve.
But that was all there was. Coldness.
Tempered I should, in fairness add, by the merest whiff of kindness.
In so far as it didn’t compromise your schedule. Or your pocket.