Archive for April, 2009

Monday, April 20th, 2009

Shameless
Anyone who has the common sense to tell Anthea of the Anthea n Grant show (was there ever a more obnoxious pair?) that she's a silly cow is surely due our respect. To do this on nashnul telly is deserving of an award.

Monstrous carbuncle II
Interesting sneaky leaky detailing the shenanigans that Prince Tamponis is currently (allegedly) up to. There's a prestigious multi-million pound development currently in the planning phase down Chelsea way. Some interesting points made about Charlie's selective involvement in the architectural debate When it comes to the environments that most of us live in he's nowhere to be seen.

Thursday, April 16th, 2009

Spectacular
Spectaclehood moves ever closer. Yesterday I got to the trying on stage. I have confirmed the sort of style that I want to go for. Now I just have to find the prescription I’ve been hiding from for over a year. Then I surf on over to speccysweatshop.com and check in to middle age. Sigh.

Damp
I’ve been trying to build a wall for the whole week. The wall is outside. Outside it’s been raining. Non-stop. For a whole sodden week. Sod it.

Brown smears
Is it just me or is the constant reference to ‘smearing’ in the current news coverage just a little illustrative of the scatological fixation of those public school retentives who write all this stuff.

Wednesday, April 15th, 2009
Cheesy
If you are planning to drive across the Forth Road Bridge in the near future be aware that it's in the process of disintegrating. Several screws have worked loose and several thousand others may ping at any moment. Best to leave the obese mother-in-law out of your Chieftain Tank when next on manoeuvres in the Firth of Forth region. The problem, though, is being addressed. The authority charged with this task is named after a Greek cheese. In wheying up my views on the situation I curdn't decide and went rhind and rhind in my mind. Let's hope that total collapse is not a fetaccompli.

Monday, April 13th, 2009

Southenders – Episode 1
Another episode in an occasional series of chance encounters with Southern Celebrities:
Yesterday who should I encounter peering menacingly through his steel rimmed spectacles at a local Art Deco frontage? Non other than Nasty Nick Hewer. Him off The Apprentice. Dressed in a fetching baby blue woolly zipper he was accompanied by his Ladee. She was moaning at him. Sirallan, was, mercifully, nowhere to be seen nor were those hapless halfwit apprentices. Nick appeared to be enjoying some well earned time off from being menacing and horribly incisive and was indulging his more playful side, staring menacingly at innocent buildings. Readers will be glad to learn that I resisted the temptation to shout "yer Fired" as I skulked past.

You know it's time to finally admit

Monday, April 6th, 2009

.. that you really do need reading glasses when:

You argue with someone that their name is written 'Loma' when they insist on being called Lorna.

You stop reading the ingredients on food packaging because you can't see it anymore.

You don't know what the time is when you wake up because you can't read the clock on your mobile phone.

You end up unwittingly taking a call from The Client from Hell because you can't see who the hell is calling and screen them to voicemail.

You keep enlarging the text on the computer because it looks more legible then end up printing out a short letter to the bank in 32 point Arial on three pages.

You fail to notice a three inch long wispy hair that has been growing out of the top of your ear (for some unfathomable genetic reason) for months.

You convince yourself that there is a TV programme on BBC2 called 'Herpes'. (Actually it's 'Heroes').