Archive for January, 2009

Swannysong

Tuesday, January 20th, 2009

Bye bye Bush
Bye bye emptiness
Hello happiness
I think Im gonna cry
Bye bye Bush
Bye bye brainlessness
Hello thoughtfulness
I feel like I could cry
Bye bye you dolt, now fly

There goes that moron
Here’s someone new
He sure seems clever
I’m sure it’s true
I hope he’s able
To save the world
We really need it
We’re in the pooh

We’re through with torture
We’re through with blame
We’re through with idiots
Who have no shame
And here’s the reason
That we feel free
We’re getting rid of you
Yip, yip yipee!

With apologies to Felice and Boudleaux Bryant, The Everly Brothers, Simon & Garfunkel et al.

Seven years, 364 days…

Monday, January 19th, 2009


All those years ago
A lovely little snapshot of Barack and Michelle Obama in 1996. “MICHELLE OBAMA: There is a strong possibility that Barack will pursue a political career, although it’s unclear.”…

How we know it’s all going to be OK now
Stevie reached the higher ground yesterday.

Lest we forget
GWB’s top 10 dumbest moments.

Tuesday, January 6th, 2009

PE off

Monday, January 5th, 2009


Is it just me or are most PE teachers really annoying? They exist in a universe with a paradigm governed by physical functionalism. They slouch around the place, talk in that quasi-military functionalist speech which seems to be based on elaborated grunting. It’s not quite ‘boot camp’ in tone but aggressively direct enough to grate on civilian sensibilities. They are never still, always on the way somewhere and weave n dodge their way through social gatherings. Most annoyingly of all they seem to think that because a few hours of each day are spent shouting at children whilst they run about or kick things that is appropriate to dress in hideous sportswear. All the time. Even when they are in the supermarket, or the bank, or the pub. I won’t venture to speculate about their home lives but I’m concerned. Concerned for the mentality of a life lived under lycra and smelling of cheap deodorant. Female PE teachers favour the ponytail which they toss dismissively as they cut short conversations with non-PE teachers. Male PE teachers often stick their chins out as if they are waiting for you to attack them so that they can beat you to a pulp. PE teachers don’t walk, they strut. They rarely smile, they grin; so high are they on PE induced endorphins. In the summer they Wear Shorts regardless of how unattractive their legs might look. Regardless of how non-PE teachers might not wish to see their unattractive legs looking unattractive in unattractive hideous sportswear. PE teachers mean well, I’m sure, but they are a breed I will never understand. Arrogant in parts, they strut with a superior air whilst we pot-bellied troglodytes drag our knuckles. PE teachers just annoy me, that is all.

Happy 2009

Thursday, January 1st, 2009

It’s been over a week since Blogger has deigned to let me publish anything here. Thousands of blogs seem to have been affected by an, as yet, unexplained or unacknowledged fault in the Googloblogomachine. I do recall that in the pre-Google era, Blogger used to have a support email address which, although it would take a while, you would eventually get a reply from. Now, all that is offered is a series of diversion screens which eventually lead you to a Google group, ‘The Official Blogger Help Group’ in which you are supposed to post your problem and then a Googledrone spots it and responds. Only they don’t. They don’t update their ‘up-to-the-minute’ status page either. The message I get from Google is that they aren’t really that bothered about Blogger users – even when thousands of ’em are affected by problems. Yep, it’s a free service so I shouldn’t complain. Yep, I have a choice – it might be time to exercise it. This is the worst outage I can remember in nearly six years of using Blogger and with all the resources of Google I’d expected things to be superdooper by now not megacrappy, whinge, whinge, moan etc etc – enuffalready. It was only after I requested the assistance of the Witch of the East that anything happened – once again the power of Her Blueness prevailed – thankyoumaam.

As years have rolled by I’ve managed to reach a point where New Year is almost a normal day for me [if by ‘normal’ one means extended ecstasy of course]. Not for me late night prancing about in the town centre wearing shorts and vomiting into plantpots. I’ve now perfected the art of virtually ignoring it all by pulling the curtains, relaxing, turning off all media save for a brief Radio Four interlude of Big Ben at midnight (did you hear the leap second last night?). I knew Big Ben was live because as it struck midnight you could hear the distant detonation of fireworks and the screams of the masses in the background. All very understated but just enough New Year for me thanks.

Which doesn’t lead me on to saying that it’s only January 1st but already I’ve had enough economic doomNgloom for the whole of the coming year. I don’t really care if my house is worth 98% less than it was two minutes ago thanks – I’m not planning to go anywhere and, anyway, you’re only telling me this because all of you over-rich media bastards had most of your ill-gotten gains ‘invested’ in mega-inflated buy-to-lets and now you still can’t believe that it’s all been flushed down the Armitage-Shanks. Let’s face it, Capitalism has failed. We live in interesting times, watch this space.

Which does lead me on to wishing you a Happy New Year. It’s only a man-made calendar based event but psychologically and spiritually significant methinks. What should I do this year d’ya think?