Archive for May, 2008

Wednesday, May 28th, 2008

Naughty but very nice

Good old Beryl.
Raise a glass in her memory.
Delightful interview from 2006.


Tuesday, May 27th, 2008

So now adults can have ADHD. I was trying to recall if, when I was at school, anyone in my class exhibited the symptoms of ADHD; choose from: distractibility, difficulty with concentration and focus, short term memory loss, procrastination, problems organising ideas and belongings, tardiness, impulsivity, and weak planning and execution. Though I’m not an expert in such matters I would speculate that in order to qualify for a diagnosis one would have to exhibit some of the symptoms most of the time. I failed to recall a single individual that fitted the bill. Surely there were some of us that showed some of the symptoms some of the time. Teachers since time began have had to put up with disorganised, innattentive, fidgety students. It seems, though, that it’s only been in recent years that such behaviour has become medicalised. Now, surprise surprise, adults can be sufferers too! How long before we start to see the first lawsuits from “ADHD victims” complaining that their employers have failed to make sufficient adaptations to their workplace? Either I’m completely out of touch with current realities or shirkers of the world have just been handed the best excuse yet for their ‘condition’.

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008

1. I’ve gone right off cars in the last two years; this has been hugely liberating and cost saving.
2. I still long to own an Apple Macintosh Plus.
3. My favourite tree is the Horse Chestnut.
4. My favourite wood is Beech.
5. I once thought it might be quite cool to be called ‘Cornelius’ – I was very young at the time.
6. “Consider the lilies of the field” seems ever more relevant.
7. My favourite song for a long time has been “Isn’t she lovely” by Stevie Wonder. I first heard it at a time when I felt completly fulfilled; I play it when I need to lift my mood. I think it’s the tune, less so the lyrics.
8. I once dreamt of starting a new life as a chair bodger.
9. I have a photo of me standing on the roof of a very famous building.
10. I own two teddy bears; one from when I was 6 months old.
11. I used to fixate on the remnants of previous blackboard writings when I was at school, some would remain in situ for a whole year because the teacher was too short or lazy to rub out that last little bit – grrr.
12. I prefer blackboards to whiteboards.
13. I intend to appear naked in public before I am sixty.
14. I have three visible scars that I’m aware of.
15. Making things is when I feel most alive, yet I find it very difficult to make things.
16. I like a nice drop of port now n again.
17. I think I may need some active assistance if I am not to become a Grumpy Old Man.
18. My favourite plastic is Bakelite closely followed by Polymethyl Methacrylate (especially purple and red).
19. Tomatoes hold a disproportionate attraction for me.
20. By nature, I’m not a member of The Herd but I’ve wondered what it might be like.
21. My favourite bird is the Blue Tit because they are cheeky, never sit still and always appear cheerful.
22. I knew a boy at school called ‘Birdseye’, he used to stick his tongue out when he was drawing.
23. I can remain impassive when all around me are startled by a loud noise.
24. I now believe that life is too short for instant coffee.
25. One of my early memories is laying on the back seat of my Dad’s car driving through town at night looking up at the streetlights, thinking I was in New York.
26. I have no time for messy drunks, drama queens or loud and vexatious persons.
27. My idea of God is now very nebulous but I haven’t given up on It yet.
28. “At this moment in time” puts me right off anyone using that phrase; I’m reminded of so many inarticulate football managers, pundits, third rate politicians and union representatives.
29. I loathe football pundits talking endless guff and getting paid to do it.
30. I haven’t knowingly eaten anything with legs for about twenty years.
31. I own no jewellery.
32. I had eight aunts and nine uncles when I started out, I only ever really liked one aunt; all of the others were slightly weird or scary in some way.
33. Favourite cake: carrot.
34. I’m not always good at keeping my mouth shut.
35. The Love of my Life has been hiding for most of it so far it seems.
36. I’m sorry, I don’t do cricket, cricket smalltalk or cricket male bonding; ditto golf, only moreso.
37. Kettle Chips or Pringles would do, no flavours please, just salt.
38. I’m a very good listener but if you misuse the facility it will be withdrawn.
39. I look for hidden meanings.
40. Poorly aligned pictures on a wall drive me to distraction.
41. I fell in love with freshly ground black pepper during a memorably simple meal with my two lovely housemates who lived upstairs on Rochdale Road; I’m now addicted.
42. The best place I ever visited was Uluru – I think I could quite happily live there but it would be ecologically unjustifiable; I consider it a miracle I was able to even travel there twice.
43. Blogging has changed my life for the better.
44. I used to abhor false sincerity but have now mellowed enough to see it as social lubrication.
45. Chocolate usually does the trick (Cadbury’s Dairy Milk is not chocolate in my opinion).
46. I won’t be doing another list like this until 2012.

Here we are again

Sunday, May 18th, 2008

The spirit of slackness is upon me, blogwise and, if I’m honest, a lotofotherthingswise too at the moment. Feeling slightly bunny in the headlights. You know when there are about 234 things on your ‘todo’ list and all of them are urgent. You’ve been on the ‘Managing priorities and meeting deadlines’ course. [£235 and a bad buffet lunch with poorly photocopied powerpoint slides thrown in] You’ve constructed a critical path diagram, cross linked to your time management software and fully costed with colour coordinated Excel tabs. You’ve questioned your motives to ensure that you’re fully focused and not procrastinating. You’ve concluded, after all this, that you just can’t be arsed. There’s some spectacular blossom around here at the moment. My lovely horse chestnuts are glorious this year, all white pillars of frothy pinky splendour. I’ve acquired a colony of small bright blue butterflies which, until the recent end of summer, have been flittering jewel like up and down the ivy where I believe they are breeding. Cutecat has grown cuter and has been perfecting his catnipulative capabilities to new heights. [He’s got me opening the back door at 1am to dispense cuddles]. My alpine trough has begin flowering. This week I will be forty six. Am I bovvered? Slightly.

Recent questionable news headlines
Great tits cope well with warming
Naked Ugg boot ram-raider jailed

Sunday, May 11th, 2008

“A huge load of crap was going to fall on my head…”
Would that it were so.
John Prescott, anticipating his fate in the latter years of his ‘Deputy Premiership’. I’ve always thought of Prescott as a necessary evil. Rough around the edges to the degree that he was able to assuage the fears of traditional Labour supporters that the Chianti set were not going to sell out on hard won Socialist achievements. From 1997, as time went on and it became clear that his role was increasingly redundant. New Labour took hold and, for good or ill, a significant section of the electorate held faith. Prescott lost his mind and gave into the excesses of his ill-deserved feather bed at the heart of government. The Secretary Shagging told us all we needed to know. Now, out-of-power and desperate to keep himself in the ‘style’ to which he’s become accustomed he decides to publish his grubby little book in the futile belief that we want to buy it. What a delusional windbag he is. Supposedly a stalwart of ‘traditional values in a modern setting’ he sticks the knife into his party leader when Gordon’s already busy trying to remove several others inserted by other ‘Labour supporters’. Don’t buy his book.
Prescott you are a scumbag.
And relax.

Sunday, May 11th, 2008
Feature Creature

Browsing earlier, I was surprised to notice in this promotional shot for tonight's big movie, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, that wee Jimmy Krankie appears to have a starring role.

Monday, May 5th, 2008

The Midland Hotel, Morecambe, is almost ready again to accept paying guests. Hercule Poirot must surely be first in the queue.

If the Midland is beyond your budget this is almost worth a trip to Morecambe. Every Day is like Sundae.

Freeze mob last Wednesday at Liverpool Street Station.

Friday, May 2nd, 2008

Based on an original scumpage c.1992