Archive for June, 2007

Yes, Prime Minister

Friday, June 29th, 2007

You walk in through the door of your new job and the first thing you have to do is imagine what your wishes would be if civilisation as we know it were to end and to write this down in a binding ‘letter to the future’. If your country is effectively annihilated do you order your nuclear strike force to :
a. Put yourself under the command of the US, if it is still there.
b. Go to Australia,
c. Retaliate or
d. Use your own judgment.
According to this, the letter writing task has a very sobering effect on Britain’s new Prime Ministers. Given that Gordon has craved power from an early age, how must it feel to finally be in control of virtually everything? This lead me to thinking about what I would write in my letter and I thought that I would go for option ‘d’ because any poor sod faced with the circumstances where they were looking at my ‘orders’ should at least be given the freedom to determine their own fate and that of the other poor sods under their command. How must it feel to contemplate, and take on the responsibility for reacting to, the Domesday scenario? Giddy stuff. What would you do if you were Prime Minister or President for a day?

Thursday, June 28th, 2007

Dear Fiona, you and your Arched Eyebrows can bugger right off
Now that our Dear Leader is an ex Leader I’ve suddenly realised why I dislike Fiona Bruce so much. She’s the female equivalent of TB. Over coiffed. Ever present. Controlled with a Kapital K. Ex public schoolthe most over-subscribed state school in the country‘. ‘Ooh I was a teen rebel, I’ve got street cred me. And I speak like you too, I can do common y’know. Yeah, glottal stops as well’. She talks about protecting her personal privacy yet invites camera crews into her kitchen at every opportunity. [ I sense validation issues ]. Now she’s doing the Antiques Road Show. It can only be a matter of time before she forms an unhealthy alliance with Martha Stewart and invades North Korea on a tissue of half truths and dodgy canapes.
And relax

Wednesday, June 27th, 2007

Sunday, June 24th, 2007

Architecture week – Tuesday

Tuesday, June 19th, 2007

Rochdale Town Hall:
Magnificent civic edifice opened in 1871 and designed by by W H Crossland. Redolent of a grander age when civic pride was not about getting government points for publishing your Health & Safety policy in 25 minority languages.
The Town Hall has a replacement tower designed by Alfred Waterhouse after the original burnt down in 1883. Waterhouse, of course, is better known as the architect of Manchester Town Hall; big bruvver of Rochdale. He also famously designed the sublime Natural History Museum in London.

Many is the night we ate our chips in the shadow of the Town Hall on the way back from the Yates’s Wine Lodge.

The Lions of Rochdale
Neo-gothic detail.
By night.
Nice little history of the Town Hall from the Rochdale Observer.
Hitler wants my windows – myth.

Architecture week – Monday

Monday, June 18th, 2007

It’s architecture week so expect some envirospacious goodness around here for a few days.

We start today with a question: Why is the Stratford International Rail Station, opened in April and built at cost of £210 million quid spectacularly flood lit all night, every night? I only ask because the station is not open for years yet. The reasons are: a. It is in the middle of a building site – the 2012 Olympic Park and b. No trains stop there until 2011/12(?) because the line running through, the Channel Tunnel link, is not yet finished. I’m sure it’s a lovely station. It’s all glass and steel as far as I can tell. Looks very spacious and modern – for now. But it’s going to be five years before you can get inside and buy a ticket. It sits on top of a major marvel of civil engineering, a massive cutout concrete box lining the huge cutting that bisects the Olympic site – you can see it from space. You can see it all lit up at night on this webcam – there’s two lovely spiral staircases beautifully silhouetted by the 6 million watts of light leaking out into the night sky, sapping the earth’s resources and contributing heartily to homeless polar bears. Just wondered – enviro-Olympics n all that.

What can you buy for nine billion quid these days?

Tuesday, June 12th, 2007

1. Howsabout a mammoth tax extracting computer system?
2. Howsabout an Olympic Games?
3. Howsabout an aviation tax scam?
4. Howsabout some domestic help?
5. Howsabout some Zairean mange tout with the ends trimmed off in a nice plastic tray?
6. Howsabout less planes in the sky – or is that more planes?
7. Howsabout some student digs?
8. Howsabout a primary school education for every child in the world?
9. Howsabout selling all that accumulated crappage in your back bedroom?

All that lot added together is a tiny fraction of UK GDP.
We’re a very rich country aren’t we?
Not that you’d know it from reading the papers.

Don’t mess with the animals


Monday, June 11th, 2007

Apple of your eye?
The Safari browser is now available for Windows. I downloaded it. So far menolikey. I’ll give it time.

Piss off 1
I’ve just about had it up to here [ look where I’m pointing – it’s very high ] with Mrs Minger who I’ve been doing some work for off and on for two years. I’ve concluded that she’s got borderline personality disorder [what did we do before Wikipedia?] . Nothing I do for her is ever worthy of the slightest praise or thanks. Every time there is a minor glitch she decides that I am incompetent and attempts to humiliate me by announcing my ‘failure’ to anyone nearby that will listen. She consistently fails to communicate her requirements and then tries to portray my ‘failure’ to comply with them as further evidence of my inferiority. [And her superiority] All in all – I’m inferior – have you got that? Anyway – she can go and swivel – I’m not playing that game any more; it’s not worth the money, my life is too short for mind f**ks and she’s toxic.
And relax.

Piss off too
Someone in the immediate locale has decided that they are going to urinate outside my house in the middle of the night on a regular basis. I know the water bills around here are high but, frankly, I’m ill-disposed to anyone incapable of controlling their bladder to such little effect. Whatever happened to self discipline, stiff upper lips and leather underwear after lights out? How charming is all this? It’d never happen in Knightsbridge – but the Council Tax is much higher round there. Well, after two months of this carry on I’ve decided that I’m going to take the police up on their offer of assistance to catch the culprit. There’s only so much pissing around I’m prepared to put up with. The CCTV images should be interesting. I wonder if I should leave some complimentary Tena out in a ziploc bag? Could be a cry for help…

Friday, June 8th, 2007

Tuesday, June 5th, 2007