Archive for April, 2006

Tell me on Sunday

Sunday, April 30th, 2006

I never did Economics at school. It was taught by a Joe 90 lookalike who drove a Reliant Robin. However, following the death of JK I might be getting a copy of this as it sounds very interesting.
“In it he argued economies were dominated by corporations which decided what to produce and then used advertising to persuade consumers to buy things they did not need rather than build socially useful projects such as schools, roads and hospitals.

Are you happy?
This little quiz is quite interesting – only five questions. But what questions…

Boom
Intrigued by the imminent BBC ‘Krakatoa’ [I love that word] Real Player preview here.
I did a bit of looky uppy and then clicky clicky through a few bits of linky linky to read about the largest bomb ever exploded. They don’t make em like that any more. Thank God.

Horse and carriage
Simon’s been married for 23 years – which is really quite an achievement and worthy of congratulations so please do.

Idol thoughts
I love you in a place where there’s no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song to you

Elliott Yamin is one of the finalists on American Idol and, as such, it seems that the odds of his disappearing off of the musical radar within a short time must be quite high. However, word is that Elliott’s latest performance was something rather special and, after listening to it, I have to agree. Stevie Wonder rated him – which is no small achievement – and I couldn’t help being reminded of Stevie whilst listening to, ‘ A song for you’ – I’d buy the album – if it ever appears. See what you think.

Thursday, April 27th, 2006

Wednesday, April 26th, 2006

Apologies for the paucity of postings dear reader.
The mood is not with me just now, though there is much to tell.
Think of the gap as a holiday from my madness.
I’ll try very hard to be back very soon.

A proclamation

Sunday, April 23rd, 2006

Ninety years ago on April 21st at 2.15am, Sir Roger Casement, with two companions, landed from the German submarine, U-19 on Banna Strand, the Atlantic Ocean beach on Tralee Bay. The two men, Bailey and Monteith, went to make contact with the local Volunteers. Meanwhile Casement made his way to McKenna’s Fort [ now known as Casement’s Fort ]. Several hours later he was arrested by the Royal Irish Constabulary. At 6.30pm The Aud Norge was captured by the British Navy and forced to sail towards Cork Harbour. En route, in the early hours of April 22nd, Captain Karl Spindler and crew decided to scuttle the ship, according to a pre-arranged plan to prevent the arms on board falling to enemy hands. The crew put on their German naval uniforms, the German ensign was hoisted and explosive charges detonated. The Aud Norge sank off Daunt’s Rock, a sunken reef. Later the same day at 10pm Eóin MacNeill as Chief of Staff of the Irish Volunteers issued an order in Dublin to try to stop the Rising. MacNeill also arranged to publish an advertisement in a Sunday newspaper to halt all Volunteer operations. On April 23rd at 9am The Military Council met to discuss the situation and decided to put The Rising on hold for 24 hours. Meanwhile, hundreds of copies of The Proclamation of the Republic were printed in Liberty Hall [ Replaced in 1965 with what is still the tallest building in Central Dublin ]

Just a perfect day…

Friday, April 21st, 2006


0630:
Extra large celebration jobbies produced by the Royal Corgi Pack during their morning ablutions.
0635:
Ceremonial flypast by Monarch Airlines 0632 Heathrow departure for Magaluf.
0639:
Ceremonial flypast by Sovereign Holidays charter flight 0636 Heathrow departure for Benidorm.
0640:
Celebratory flatus from His Royal Highness The Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, KG, KT, PC, OM, GBE, AC, QSO, QVC, Argos.
0650:
Congratulatory telephone call to Her Maj from His Excellency Georgius Bushius II, Commander in Chief and President of the World. [Chinese Takeaway]. The Royal Voicemail will be deployed.
0655:
Special Birthday Breakfast en Tupperware sponsored by Kelloggs PLC, purveyors of cereal supplies to the Royal trolley.
0659:
Ceremonial flypast by Brendajet flight 0653 Heathrow departure for Torremolinos [Snacks and hot drinks extra].
0715:
Her Royal Highness The Princess Royal, LG, LT, GCVO, QSO, GCL, GNVQ[Pass] performs a state visit to the WC.
0718:
Ceremonial flypast by Helicopter flight GOLF ANDREW FREELOAD enroute for Gleneagles.
0720:
His Grace Sir Cliffe of Richardness [himself a nonagenarian] launches an early morning celebratory ceremonial singalongaokeathon in the grounds accompanied by 1200 schoolchildren from inner city academies who have camped overnight in readiness. Full coverage on BBC News 24 [ 16 hours ].
0800:
BBC Radio 4 broadcasts a special tribute from Baroness Bonkers of Dulwich. [She’s 82 you know]
0815:
Her Majesty attends a commemorative screening of The Texas Chainswaw Massacre in the undercroft of St George’s Chapel.
1020:
Informal walkabout at Slough Shopping Mall.
1028:
Celebration complimentary take away tea style beverage sponsored by Slough Sarny Bar and Snacketeria.
1100:
Her Majesty meets with representatives of 39 faith groups at the Windsor and Eton Spirituality Centre for a celebratory love-in and mutually respectful exchange of life perspectives.
1200:
80 gun salute from the IRA in Windsor Great Park
1203:
Ceremonial flypast by Wilbur and Orville Wright, Amy Johnson, Neil Armstrong and RichardBranson in his new CowelforceXFactor SpacePlane.
1208:
His Grace Sir Cliffe of Richardness breaks off from the celebratory ceremonial singalongaokeathon to join The Royal Party to snort coke in the undergrowth.
1300:
Her Maj, His Royal Highness The Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, KG, KT, PC, OM, GBE, AC, QSO, QVC, Argos, Her Royal Highness The Princess Royal, LG, LT, GCVO, QSO, GCL, GNVQ[Pass], His Royal Highness The Duke of York, KCVO, ADC, His Royal Highness The Earl of Wessex, KCVO, His Royal Highness Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales, KG, KT, GCB, OM, AK, QSO, PC, ADC, Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles and Prince and Great Steward of Scotland adjourn to a nearby KFC for a 6 pack bucket O’ nuggets.
1400:
Ceremonial flypast by 80 specially trained swans in dambuster formation.
1410:
Her Maj receives cordial birthday greetings from gathered wellwishers and hangerson at the gates of the castle whilst listening to some bangin tunes on The Royal Ipod [ ceremonial mix ].
1415:
Battle of Agincourt
1442:
The combined casts of Neighbours, Eastenders, Coronation Street, Wife Swap and Emmerdale present, “Happy 80th Birthday Ma’am – our lives depend on your bounteous munificence” – an affectionate and light hearted tribute featuring wartime melodies and a reenactment of the Battle of the Somme in the grounds of Windsor Castle. Introduced by Moira Stewart and Sir Terence of Wigan.
1530:
Ceremonial flypast by The Royal Yacht Britannia recreated as a virtual reality hologram.
1533:
The Royal Corgi Pack perform Cirque du Soleil in a surprise tribute arranged by His Royal Highness The Duke of York, KCVO, ADC who has secretly trained the corgis during his lunchbreak for the past five years.
1600:
Ceremonial marchpast by the National Sheep Herd, lead by Tony Blair and other members of Her Majesty’s government.
1700:
Tea – served by Mrs Doyle and the cast of Father Ted.
1706:
Ceremonial slimepast by Baron St John of Fawsley and Mr Paul Burrell.
1712:
Newcomen engine invented.
1720:
Ceremonial flypast by The Royal Aphids trained by Lord Alan Titchmarsh of Wyevale.
1746:
Battle of Culloden
1800:
A moving personal tribute from His Royalness, Prince Tamponis of Organiconia is broadcast on all channels for 3 hours. [Full extended coverage on The Horse Channel]
1805:
His Royalness, Prince Tamponis of The Highlands and Knight Commander of the Ford Escort hosts a lavish banquet at Spearmint Rhino in honour of his M’ma.
[Prince Harold von Sturmtrooper loyalty card]
1812:
Overture
2000:
Ceremonial drive by shooting in Tooting.
2006:
Anus olddearus
2100:
His Royal Highness The Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, KG, KT, PC, OM, GBE, AC, QSO, QVC, Argos proposes a toast to Her Maj. All gentlemen present retire to the pole dancing lounge. Her Maj, Princess Happiana and The Duchess of Foxhunt enage in ceremonial smalltalk.
2130:
A special one off performance by Peter Andre and Jordan O’Boobage as they reprise the Love Theme from their wedding, ‘A whole new Queen’ accompanied by Sir Alan Sugar on his organ.
2131:
The Royal Party board their ceremonial helicopter [sponsored by Inland Revenue] and depart for a private family dingdong about Diana and that Wallis Simpson woman.
2200 – 2007:
Endless tributes, special events and reruns of the above.

Thursday, April 20th, 2006

1916 – unexpected arrival
90 years ago today the ‘Aud Norge’ arrived off the Irish coast in Tralee Bay. Karl Spindler, the ships captain, was instructed to wait for a signal from shore before attempting to land the arms. Local volunteers onshore, however, were not expecting the ship until Easter Saturday, two days away. Unsurprisingly, Spindler does not receive any signal and no arms are landed. Sensing that the plan is falling apart he decides to move the ship to a more concealed position behind one of the Magharee Islands
[ More to follow ]

1916 – a forgery

Wednesday, April 19th, 2006

90 years ago Dublin Castle was the seat of British power in Ireland.
On April 19th 1916 Alderman Kelly read a statement, purporting to be from Dublin Castle, to a meeting of Dublin Corporation.
Kelly was a member of the Irish Volunteers, a group whose stated objective was: ‘To secure and maintain the rights and liberties common to all the people of Ireland; To train, discipline, arm and equip a body of Irish Volunteers for the above purpose; and to unite for this purpose Irish men of every creed and of every party and class’. This forged document indicated that there were to be mass arrests of Irish Volunteers to prevent “trouble”. By 1914 it is known that the Volunteers had around 100,000 members, albeit mostly unarmed. The growing unease of the British authorities with the groundswell of Irish resistance would fit perfectly with this supposed crackdown. An article published in ‘The Irish Volunteer’ on the 8th April called for ‘manoeuvres’ on Easter Sunday (the 23rd). This was in fact code for a planned uprising. Eoin MacNeill, at this stage, was still in the dark about these plans. The forged document was designed to provoke MacNeill into a defensive response. It worked and he issued an order to his group to take part in a ‘defensive war’ strenghthened by his belief that the arms shipment from Germany was imminent. MacNeill was soon to learn of his deception and attempt to halt the rebellion at the eleventh hour but events were about to overtake him.
[ More to follow ]

1916

Tuesday, April 18th, 2006

On April 9th 90 years ago a ship called The Libau left the
port of Lübeck on Germany’s Baltic coast. The captain, Karl Spindler, gave the ship a fictitious Norwegian identity, changing it’s name to ‘Aud Norge’.
Spindler’s action was designed as a subterfuge to deflect attention from British Naval forces. The crew of ‘Aud Norge’ had something to hide; 20 thousand rifles and 10 machine guns together with a large quantity of ammunition – to be delivered to a rendezvous in Tralee Bay on the south west coast of Ireland.

Three days later on April 12th at Wilhelmshaven to the west of Lübeck, a British diplomat, Sir Roger Casement boarded U16, a German submarine bound for the same rendezvous. Casement hoped to reach Ireland before the shipment of arms. He’d spent two years in Germany attempting to gather support for an Irish rebellion designed to achieve independence from Britain. Irish prisoners of war in Germany were reluctant to join the ‘Irish Brigade’ Casement attempted to form. The German government, though at war with Britain, would not be drawn into an Irish adventure. They placated Casement with the arms shipment but he knew that this would be an inadequate drop in the ocean against the might of British forces. Without solid German backing or his band of brothers he needed to rush back to Ireland to make contact with Eoin MacNeill. MacNeill, Casement believed to be still in charge of the rebel movment. Casement wanted to warn him to halt the planned rebellion. Casement would never get to MacNeill and the arms would never get to the rebels but the course of Irish and British history was about to change.
[ More to follow ]

Sunshine

Friday, April 14th, 2006

..in BnJville today. The first for about 98 months. And I could turn the heating off.
So I’ve written nothing here for 3 days. So I’m slack. So sorry n all if you’ve been longing for some extrusions from my tortured brain.

Don’t call us
You drive-in to your local er drive-in McLardburger and speak to the McAssistant behind the McBullet proof McScreen. [ or so you think ] But ha!, The Ronald has fooled you. You are in fact talking to Julissa in Hawaii who then cybersquirts your order back to the McDrones inside the McLardburger. This new, and frankly worrying, manifestation of call centreitis is depressing. Next time you go to the chippy you might be trying to explain to Ashram in Mumbai exactly what you want him to do with your deep fried Mars Bar.

Link
Thanks to Muddz for linkage. He’s a potter and a talented teacher and a campaigner and I don’t know where he finds the time.

Junior Chav lower socio economic baby

Ian posts a scan of a most disturbing advert for a Chav Lower income group Baby Simulation Doll. Who, I wonder is this designed to appeal to? Even more disturbing is the website of the manufacturer which features all manner of weirdness and bad alternative taste items. I’ve no wish to perpetuate the truth class war so I’m being very careful to avoid condescension here.

Tuesday, April 11th, 2006

Movies
I stumbled across the internet archive earlier. Really interesting collection of material. Really interesting idea. Some very funny bits too including such video gems as:
How to Buy Meat (Part I)
Color it Clean – “Shows the detailed steps necessary to achieve a high standard of cleanliness in a public restroom and presents the opinions, attitudes and personal feelings of the men who do the job”
A fine collection of cartoons – including a fair few Betty Boop and Popeye titles.
Perversion for Profit (Part I)“Anti-pornography film.. linking pornography to the Communist conspiracy and the decline of Western civilization.
Santa Claus’ Punch and JudySanta magically creates a Punch and Judy puppet show to the delight of children at a Christmas party. WARNING! Parents may wish to watch this before exposing innocent eyes to the comic brutality of a Punch and Judy puppet show from the late 1940s – including some very non-PC scenes.
and topically,
Personal Hygiene (Part I)“U.S. Army Military training drama showing how the residents of a barracks convince a sloppy soldier to clean up his act. With many folk songs on cleanliness.”