Bignjuicy

Annoying deluded person: “Wasn’t it lovely when they were walking in the door of number 1o? He looked so chuffed.”

drD thinks: Er no, it was pretty soul destroying actually. Some of us resent multi-millionaire toffs seizing control of our government to further their capitalist rich-boy agenda comrade.

Annoying deluded person: ”Everything feels so hopeful again, like a fresh start.”

drD thinks: You mean like Tony Blair in 1997?

Annoying deluded person: ”I thought it was really good that ministers will be taking a 5% pay cut”

drD thinks: Yep it’ll sure make all the redundant workers and re-possessed homeowners feel better that multi-millionaire cabinet ministers will be getting £137000  instead of £144000.

Annoying deluded person: ”I think the coalition will be really good for the country; parties working together.”

drD thinks: Don’t you mean backstabbing each other as usual?

Annoying deluded person: ”I really like David Cameron”

drD thinks: Oh sod off will you.

One cannot help but notice the decrepitude of those appointed to high office by The Powerful Ones. Ken Clarke has always looked a bit shagged out. I suspect this is due to his fondness for Tobacco and real ale. He is also now nearly  seventy years old. What better candidate to represent the fresh, modern face of twenty first century Britain. What better way to present this  than by dressing up in wig, tights, shiny shoes and a gold trimmed cape. Truly the spirit of change is upon us. Form an orderly queue for your gruel peasants.

One cannot help but notice the strains of high office manifested in the premature ageing of The Powerful Ones. Tony Blair was a fresh faced youth upon taking office in 1997 yet, just a few years later, he was going grey and looked knackered. Nobody needs to Labour the point (geddit) that Gordon looked seriously shagged out by the time he exited stage left yesterday. He too was a healthy looking specimen when first he walked into Downing Street.

Now the New Lot are in and already we see how, within moments of assuming office, Our Glorious Leader has begun to decompose before our very eyes, such is the burden of Changeyoucanbelieveinwereallinthistogether. Compare the election poster from a few weeks ago (above) to the image of Our Glorious Leader taken today (left). Notice the key areas of decomposition which have already started to manifest themselves on Our Glorious Leader’s once impeccable features. How cruel the ravages of leadership. How worrying that things as we saw them before May 6th may not not be as we see them afterwards.

Election reflection
1. Joan Collins praising Cameron, describing him as looking ‘Presidential’. Endorsement from an embalmed woman famous for playing an evil scheming bitch.  No need for Thatch this time round then.
2. Ed Vaizey looking uncomfortable when asked by Paxo if he’d ever consider getting into bed with Lord Mandelson.
3. The real reason for the delay: Gordon Brown frantically unscrewing fixtures and fittings inside No 10 before removal van arrives.

Just over 13 years ago today we jumped up and down with glee, drank champagne and looked forward to a future different to the grim past we’d endured for 18 years. Hateful politicians, indifferent to their grinding down of public life, their self-serving sleazy behaviour and their nasty mantra of telling you that they were screwing you for your own good – they were ejected in the biggest political landslide in generations. Some of this now sounds familiar to present voters. How things change. And how they stay the same. Having waited so long for my party to gain power, my sense today, as it seems unlikely they will keep it, is one of pride at what has been achieved with all the social advances that have been made. Shame, that all the good has been undermined by some stupid decisions borne of detachment from the political faith they promised to keep when they came to power. Hope, that the predictions of defeat may not come to pass and despair about what lies ahead if they do. That sunny May morning of 13 years ago seems a distant place now but I will never forget the feeling that something really really good had happened. Tomorrow morning doesn’t look like it’s going to be sunny or warm and the forecast is not looking too good for the next few years.

Electofacts

• Today is Tony Blair’s birthday.
• Number 10 Downing Street was number 5 until 1779.

Need a handy Daily Mail soundbite?
Why not try the David Cameron anecdote generator?

Party Election Broadcasts are not really my thang.
Regular readers will know that embedded YouTube videos are not my thang either; I’ve never done ‘em… but I’m making an exception just once.
Eddie Izzard tells it like it is; subtle, intelligent and true.
Well done Eddie.

I’ve always been a big fan of certain high street store.
These are the things I like about them:

Good quality merchandise.
Good customer service.
Sexually suggestive adverts for food.
Wide selection of knickers in all capacities and configurations.
Gusset guarantee.
Individual foil wrapped delicious chocolate digestives that remind me of when I was 6.
Hand polished strawberries that taste of strawberry.
Soft bread for pensioners with no teeth (I am not one of them).
Employed Twiggy  when she was about to join Eastenders in desperation .
Nice Swiss chocolate in  bulk packs.
Giant photos of fish and chips next to the tills.

These are the things I don’t like about them:

Their Executive Chairman has revealed himself to be a raving Tory nutjob.

As a raving unreconstructed socialist loony leftie, I now feel the urge to boycott the store so as to make a protest against the unacceptable intrusion of politics into my underwear. The only trouble with this is that I would miss the chocolate. A lot.

What should I do Marje? As you were also a lifelong raving unreconstructed socialist loony leftie I’m sure you can help.

Yours drD