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KMN

Tuesday, April 18th, 2017

“Yes, we’re AWAY so can’t make it. We’ll be in MuphistoMooMooLand that day by the harbour. Hopefully sipping a cocktail or too. Ha ha ha! Hope it goes well though.”

Thanks for coming

Faint praise

Monday, April 17th, 2017

We had a pleasant time. It was well worth the effort. Very nice. Such a brave thing to do. Very interesting. So glad we came.

Thanks for coming

President Fart

Saturday, November 12th, 2016

Aside from the slight international panic that we are at the start of The End Times – there is possibly one thing, or maybe two things which somehow seem a bit more visceral.

First. America has looked into its darkest, most unpleasant, most revolting corner. It has picked up that mouldy breadroll from the split rubbish bag and it has eaten it quietly, hoping that passers-by will understand that it is really very hungry and has nowhere else to turn. Yes, it’s digusting, yes they’re a bit ashamed, yes, they did notice that dog splash the bag a few minutes earlier. BUT THEY DON”T CARE!
They need that bread. It’ll make them sick, but it’ll fill the gnawing hunger for a while and they can hope for something better down the line.

Second. The realisation that ultimately it really does appear to be about money and if you have money you can be as revolting as you like and you still get to walk into that power office and sit there lording it, knowing that you have played as dirty as you can and you have won. Forget nobility, forget public service, forget altruism, forget being nice. It’s about being greedy, ruthless and as nasty as you like.

“I won’t cut the NHS” – yeah right.

Wednesday, June 1st, 2011

Line of the week

Saturday, April 16th, 2011
Tell us a joke.
Michael McIntyre.
Kathy Burke

The Fairytale Romantic Union of the Centuries

Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

Someone is going to get fired

Goodbye Gerry and thankyou

Wednesday, January 5th, 2011

Masterpiece

And when you wake up it’s a new morning
The sun is shining it’s a new morning
You’re going
You’re going home.

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

Kew bulb watch.

Countdown 4

Monday, March 1st, 2010

The times they are a’changin.

Countdown 3

Incident number two

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

Back in August I acquired a more detailed understanding of my neighbours’ effluence. There was a rather more disgusting element of that story which I did not document at the time. Namely the fact that the effluence of the neighbours had caused a Blockage. For some reason, as yet unknown to me, I decided that this was something that I would have to tackle alone, unaided by man, beast or Dynorod. After what turned out to be four of the worst hours of my life – I kid you not. I had removed around 25lbs of what appeared to be the remnants of a giant disposable nappy from the main sewer serving my East Wing. I later, in conversation with Bignjuicy Borough Council’s King of Drains, learned that this material is highly likely to have been compacted nappy liners. Apparently these things are the single biggest cause of blocked drains known to mankind. Now who, we might wonder, would put half a ton of nappy liners down the drain? Certainly not I or Mrs D or Junior D or Hamster D – no I am reasonably certain (ie 100 bleedin percent) that it is da Neighbours – who just  happen to have a big bouncing ever-screaming baby. Yes, the fact that in all my years of living here I have never ever had any problems of the sewage kind and yet, within 6 months of Mr and Mrs Nappy Liner moving in next door we have our own cess pit where there didn’t oughta be one – convinces me that it was Their Bleedin Fault. You might be wondering why I’ve chosen 28th February to write this one up. You might be thinking I’m clearing a backlog (that would be kind of appropriate I grant ye). Well, the reason is that this morning one of my Facilities of the Flushing Kind has started to behave a little unusually. The same kind of unusualness that preceded August’s little Gangesfest. I am preparing for the worst. I have drafted a letter to their landlord; I have taken legal advice, I have consulted again the King of Drains. This time the Forces of Hell (© Alistair Darling) will be unleashed. This time the s**t really will hit the fan. After it has been removed from where it is currently languishing of course.