Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Someone is going to get fired
Kew bulb watch.
Back in August I acquired a more detailed understanding of my neighbours’ effluence. There was a rather more disgusting element of that story which I did not document at the time. Namely the fact that the effluence of the neighbours had caused a Blockage. For some reason, as yet unknown to me, I decided that this was something that I would have to tackle alone, unaided by man, beast or Dynorod. After what turned out to be four of the worst hours of my life – I kid you not. I had removed around 25lbs of what appeared to be the remnants of a giant disposable nappy from the main sewer serving my East Wing. I later, in conversation with Bignjuicy Borough Council’s King of Drains, learned that this material is highly likely to have been compacted nappy liners. Apparently these things are the single biggest cause of blocked drains known to mankind. Now who, we might wonder, would put half a ton of nappy liners down the drain? Certainly not I or Mrs D or Junior D or Hamster D – no I am reasonably certain (ie 100 bleedin percent) that it is da Neighbours – who just happen to have a big bouncing ever-screaming baby. Yes, the fact that in all my years of living here I have never ever had any problems of the sewage kind and yet, within 6 months of Mr and Mrs Nappy Liner moving in next door we have our own cess pit where there didn’t oughta be one – convinces me that it was Their Bleedin Fault. You might be wondering why I’ve chosen 28th February to write this one up. You might be thinking I’m clearing a backlog (that would be kind of appropriate I grant ye). Well, the reason is that this morning one of my Facilities of the Flushing Kind has started to behave a little unusually. The same kind of unusualness that preceded August’s little Gangesfest. I am preparing for the worst. I have drafted a letter to their landlord; I have taken legal advice, I have consulted again the King of Drains. This time the Forces of Hell (© Alistair Darling) will be unleashed. This time the s**t really will hit the fan. After it has been removed from where it is currently languishing of course.
Aside from the European President, who else do you know has the charisma of a damp rag?
This here blog will be offline whilst I fiddle around with its parts.
Shouldn’t be too long.
I might actually write something new as well when we come back.
|So, it’s been a while but well, you know, time flies when you’re having fun eh?
Time for a wee round up of happenings ahead of nooyear.
Dieter Rams has probably, without you knowing it, touched your life in some way. Maybe you bought an Oral B toothbrush, you admired a smart Braun coffee maker or perhaps you used the calculator on your Apple iphone; all of them, and thousands more industrial products, bear his influence. Rams does not speak in public very often and so in February I made a point of arriving early for his appearance at the V&A. Tick, another design hero seen and heard in the flesh. More on that story later.
On my birthday, my third visit to the Chelsea Flower Show, evidence if it is still needed, that gardening now has me firmly in its grip.
A trip to the Houses of Parliament on the very same day that Mrs Obama and daughters got their own private visit to Big Ben; complete with armour plated people carriers, menacing looking men with bulging jackets and twitchy looking policeman with submachine guns on the Members Terrace. I met Barbara Follett and snarled at Quentin (Tosser Boy) Letts.
The final acceptance that I can no longer read microscopic print. Or quite small print. Actually, anything smaller than 10 points and I’m buggered. The convoluted saga of acquiring my first ever spectacles which took about three months to arrange. More on that story later.
The surprise offer of another job which I accepted because it fits with my Programme for Employment Enjoyment.
I ditched Virgin Mobile. Oh sorry, that should read, “hi drd, the guys at virgin mobile have just decided to increase their prices by 600% cool huh! we’ll make it easy for you to ditch us cos we’re cool and we don’t use capital letters evah.” whateva buggeroffbranson.
I blogged less and less and suffered the loss of readership and linkage. On the one hand this saddened me; readers and links were sort of hard earned so for them to not be there anymore did not leave me unmoved. My thanks to the faithful few who keep coming – even now. In my life I value loyalty above all else; you are right at the top of my Respect List. On the other hand I got some of my life, privacy and sense of not having to find things to blog about back. A life lived online is not wholly lived – I have concluded.
Wildlife of the welcome and unwelcome kind came acalling. Call me Nature Boy.
Daniel Libeskind has probably, without you knowing it, not touched your life in some way. Maybe, though, you’ve heard of him, read about him here or know about his involvement with The World Trade Center site. Libeskind does speak in public quite a bit, but not in Britain, and so in October I made a point of arriving early for his appearance at the RIBA. Tick, another design hero seen and heard in the flesh. More on that story later.
During the year I broke even, in a Net Worth sense, for the first time in my life. This happened quietly, without my realising, and only dawned on me very recently. After twenty five years of work I am, so to speak now in profit; er…Yippee! I will refrain from getting carried away though because, as we all know, Past Performance is no guarantee of Future returns etc etc. There’s a recession on Doom Gloom Agogo. But, hell, Yippee! New Year blessings, peace and happiness be upon you.