Monday, December 31, 2007
We'll have no reviews of belly button fluff here. Forget the flaming haggises and inflatable Kylie Minogues, I'm in a serious frame of mind. Fueled by excessive bargain champagne and a surfeit of Hetty Wainthropp reruns, I've decided to get a few things of my chest:
1. New year is not a cause for celebration; don't you realise that we're all just nearer to our deaths?
2. While you're busy guzzling unidentifiable snacks and suspect wine there is an army of lowly paid retail operatives worldwide stealthily replacing price labels and re-programming bar code scanners so that you will pay more for everything from tomorrow. You will be so hung over you'll barely notice.
3. Scottish people only get excited about new year because it gets dark at 2pm, Hamish McFlaggon is on every channel doing sword dances in a frilly shirt and even the Proclaimers are involved in sex scandals these days. Whodathowtit?
4. Jools Holland's design life has been exceeded. The government must arrange for him to be quietly towed out into deep water, sometime in early March and scuttled, along with his boogy woogy abdominal control garment and incontinence pad winnebago unit.
5. Fireworks are not a good idea in a country obsessed with cats and dogs. Have you ever wondered why most of our pets have personality disturbances and are given to biting the heads of holy innocents? It's because, as far as they are concerned, world war three breaks out at least twice a year with aftershocks and beforeshocks whenever a passing chav decides to let off a banger during a testosterone blip. Protect pussy and fido - ban all explosives.
It's time this year was done and dusted. Some of us have got jobs to go to in the morning. Can you keep the noise down there please.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:59 PM
It's Christmas1. New year is not a cause for celebration; don't you realise that we're all just nearer to our deaths?
2. While you're busy guzzling unidentifiable snacks and suspect wine there is an army of lowly paid retail operatives worldwide stealthily replacing price labels and re-programming bar code scanners so that you will pay more for everything from tomorrow. You will be so hung over you'll barely notice.
3. Scottish people only get excited about new year because it gets dark at 2pm, Hamish McFlaggon is on every channel doing sword dances in a frilly shirt and even the Proclaimers are involved in sex scandals these days. Whodathowtit?
4. Jools Holland's design life has been exceeded. The government must arrange for him to be quietly towed out into deep water, sometime in early March and scuttled, along with his boogy woogy abdominal control garment and incontinence pad winnebago unit.
5. Fireworks are not a good idea in a country obsessed with cats and dogs. Have you ever wondered why most of our pets have personality disturbances and are given to biting the heads of holy innocents? It's because, as far as they are concerned, world war three breaks out at least twice a year with aftershocks and beforeshocks whenever a passing chav decides to let off a banger during a testosterone blip. Protect pussy and fido - ban all explosives.
It's time this year was done and dusted. Some of us have got jobs to go to in the morning. Can you keep the noise down there please.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:59 PM
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Wishing you, dear reader, the happiest, peacefulest, naughtiest, sexiest, foodiest, drinkiest and unmistakably juiciest Christmas you could possibly have. Thankyou for coming and please come back again soon.
 | day 25 |
 | Mr Kipling 2005. Nativity play. Capitalist Christmas in 30 seconds. If Jesus chooses to reappear in the west I wonder if He'll get His own YouTube channel? |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:13 AM
Monday, December 24, 2007
| day 24 |
 | Oxfam 2006. Refreshingly quirky and irreverent charity campaign. Funky, good hearted and with a great song; what more could you want? Gorgeous. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:51 PM
Sunday, December 23, 2007
| day 23 |
 | Milk Tray 1980s. "And all because the lady loves Milk Tray". Last gasp faux Bond with Jaws reference. By now the format was tired and the Lady was moving on to binge drinking. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:48 PM
Saturday, December 22, 2007
| day 22 |
 | Cream Cakes 1980s. Les Dawson and Roy Barraclough enact their bosomy pals Cissy and Ada in unashamed indulgence. The gateau/chateau joke makes its first, pre-Allo Allo appearance. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:29 PM
Friday, December 21, 2007
| day 21 |
 | BT Talking. 2004. Hawking's gravitas and disembodied voice lend a profundity to this telecoms ad. Quite moving. "Mankind's greatest achievements have come about by talking." |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:01 AM
Thursday, December 20, 2007
| day 20 |
 | BT Ology. 1980s. Maureen Lipman's fantastic Jewish granny, Beattie, in perhaps her finest hour. "You get an ology, you're a scientist!" |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:59 PM
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
| day 19 |
 | BA clouds 2007. Post Saatchi, BA steers an improbable line between romance, escapism, frugality and ecology - "you shouldn't expect to pay the earth". |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:59 PM
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
| day 18 |
 | Silverjet 2007. Hugh Hudson directs. Joanna Lumley voices. Yani arias. Saatchi's invoice. Cast shrinking imitation in the tradition of BA. Lush but ultimately tacky. |
Read all about it.freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:09 PM
Monday, December 17, 2007
| day 17 |
 | BA 1989. Hugh Hudson directs. Tom Conti voices. Yani arias. Saatchi's invoice. Jaw dropping epic in the tradition of De Mille. Still imitated, never bettered. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 8:10 PM
Sunday, December 16, 2007
| day 16 |
 | Yellow Pages - French Polishers 1989. A joy. Tightly edited mini-classic. Look out for a young Jake Wood. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:14 AM
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Beware, Bollocks Coming
The BBC has redesigned its homepage.
In case you were wondering where they got their ideas for the new design from, Richard Titus, 'Acting Head of User Experience & Design' explains:
"From a conceptual point of view, the widgetization adopted by Facebook, iGoogle and netvibes weighed strongly on our initial thinking. We wanted to build the foundation and DNA of the new site in line with the ongoing trend and evolution of the Internet towards dynamically generated and syndicable content through technologies like RSS, atom and xml. This trend essentially abstracts the content from its presentation and distribution, atomizing content into a feed-based universe. Browsers, devices, etc therefore become lenses through which this content can be collected, tailored and consumed by the audience."
Thanks Richard, that's much clearer.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 1:49 PM
The BBC has redesigned its homepage.
In case you were wondering where they got their ideas for the new design from, Richard Titus, 'Acting Head of User Experience & Design' explains:
"From a conceptual point of view, the widgetization adopted by Facebook, iGoogle and netvibes weighed strongly on our initial thinking. We wanted to build the foundation and DNA of the new site in line with the ongoing trend and evolution of the Internet towards dynamically generated and syndicable content through technologies like RSS, atom and xml. This trend essentially abstracts the content from its presentation and distribution, atomizing content into a feed-based universe. Browsers, devices, etc therefore become lenses through which this content can be collected, tailored and consumed by the audience."
Thanks Richard, that's much clearer.
 |  |
| Before | After widgetization, dynamic generation, syndication, abstraction, distribution, atomization, lensification and consumption. |
| day 15 |
 | PPP Pick up a Penguin. 1970s. Dotty Derek Nimmo voices this thoroughly English ad. Childhood Penguins I recall as bigger. The images here have confirmed it; shrinkage has occurred. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 1:49 PM
Friday, December 14, 2007
| day 14 |
 | Chanel No 5 1970. Strangely contemporary. Classic aspirational yuletide selling. "From £300 to £3,19/-". Conspicuous consumption in the Old Labour pre-decimal era. I should coco. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:01 AM
Thursday, December 13, 2007
| day 13 |
 | Milk, 1990s. Before T£$CO achieved full death grip on the UK there used to be milkmen. Sigh. CGI with a lotta bottle. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:22 AM
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
| day 12 |
 | Corona 1976. Intrigued by the myriad mass marketing of sugar water; no fizzy addict am I. Here we have another cod yankee voiceover and some obese bubbles. I'm sensing a mixed message. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:59 PM
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
| day 11 |
 | In 1976 the future of food was white powder in a tin. No, not a Columbian takeaway. Who needs potatoes, Jamie, when you can just add boiling water? Great ad, shame about the product. |
The full Smashfest.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:59 PM
Monday, December 10, 2007
| day 10 |
 | Cresta 1970s. When Tango was just anudder drink, Cresta was cool. Polar bears are cool too - geddit? I wonder how they made it frothy man? Where did Cresta go and will it come back? |
More Cresta goodness.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 4:26 PM
Sunday, December 09, 2007
| day 9 |
 | Orange Tango 1992. Orange slapper, pre Jodie Marsh. "Super taste sensation smashin drink lovely. You know when you've been tango'd." Banned for inspiring junior slappers. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:01 AM
Saturday, December 08, 2007
| day 8 |
 | 1993. Another superlative Boddingtons parody a la Ambre Solaire. "Give us another rub down with that chip fat". Coronation Street meets San Tropez. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 1:11 AM
Friday, December 07, 2007
| day 7 |
 | Just one Cornetto 1980s. Iconic ad which has spawned myriad cultural echoes. I'm reminded to buy a Cornetto; it's been a while. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:58 AM
Thursday, December 06, 2007
| day 6 |
 | Boddingtons - The Cream of Manchester 1993. Exquisite parody shot on the Rochdale Canal with Mel Sykes before she was orange. "Oh by eck it's gorgeous". |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:23 AM
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
| day 5 |
 | Cinzano. Our Joan again, with Leonard Rossiter, in this stylish classic which still makes me laugh. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:01 AM
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
I generally try to see the positive side of humanity. Lately I've been mulling over the sad realisation that there are some people who take delight in causing upset, harm and suffering to others. They derive pleasure in deliberately causing distress. I have to confess that one of my own coping mechanisms to deal with nasty behaviour is to maintain a 'dignified silence' and await the inevitable effects of karma upon the Nasties. Recently two such 'paybacks' have occurred. I can't say that I felt any sense of delight in what had befallen my erstwhile adversaries, but I did have a sense that a rebalancing had taken place; 'what goes around comes around', 'those who give can expect to receive' etc. This is probably a misguided view of reality but I do so cling to the illusion (?) that you should not do evil unto others and that there are Consequences if you do. Bemusedly observing the indiscernable cycles of human fortune, I believe, is not the same as actively perpetrating harm. I haven't quite understood yet how and why the self regulating instinct I possess, which inhibits me from being a b*****d to my fellow man - has not been equally distributed amongst my fellows. Why are some people just plain nasty?
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:44 PM
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:44 PM
| day 4 |
 | A later Brummy hatchback. Joan Collins pouts her way around a foreign mudpit. Cheap intercuts of Dynasty and a Jonathan Ross voiceover. "Find out how exciting the Rover Metro really is." Or not. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:01 AM
Monday, December 03, 2007
| day 3 |
 | Austin Allegro, 1970s. Filmed in a mudpit and featuring Arfur from Eastenders. Low budget Bondesque caper featuring menopausal hatchback with square steering wheel. Midlife crisis in car form. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:01 AM
Sunday, December 02, 2007
| day 2 |
 | Double Diamond 1970s. "I'm only here for the beer." Unreconstructed masculinity in shades of brown with a strong chemical aftertaste. The wedding car was an Austin Allegro. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 2:00 AM
Saturday, December 01, 2007
| day 1 |
 | Cadbury's Fudge 1985. The classic song, the rosy cheeks, the pained expression of the conkered boy - all serve to make this a true, sweet, classic. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:59 PM