Friday, November 30, 2007
In case you're in the mood to splash out on a special gift for your favourite teacher with the end of term approaching, why not consider the God Bless Teachers Holy Bear®?. The I Love Jesus HolyLamb® might be just the job for that cuddly Vicar or Nun you've been longing to honour in a right wing, family values kinda way. Rabbis are bound to love the Star of David Holy Bear® which comes in a tasteful silver and blue combo. Sadly, bears of other world faiths are currently unavailable.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 5:39 PM
Friday, November 23, 2007
When safe words are not enough
"Boy George has been sent for trial charged with falsely imprisoning a male escort by chaining him to a wall." Link.
Making a single, late, credit card payment could soon cause a cascade of financial fook ups.
Mind your language
Further evidence of my incipient crustiness was gathered this week. I've twice had occasion to be a little taken aback by what now appears to be acceptable language during daytime TV programming.
Exhibit A was this week's Blue Peter. Beloved of generations of childer. The latest crop of presenters is intolerably chummy and permagrinning. This week they were reviewing the new Science Museum book called "Why is snot green?". Charmed, I wasn't. The Science Museum seem to have a mucosal fixation. The 'S' word in itself I found mildly shocking being used on a children's TV show. Yes, we all use the word, yes, children love to talk dirty when it comes to bodily excretions. Somehow, I would never imagine Blue Peter legitimising use of this word on TV. Even worse they featured an item about "farting in space suits". Val will be revolving on her sticky back plastic covered commode and it's official, I'm getting old.
Exhibit B was the use of the term "casual shag" when discussing the rise in STDs amongst young people in an item featured on BBC TV daytime news. Do they not know that pensioners, dogs, truanting children and procrastinating bloggers might be watching. Whatever next? "Cash in the Attic: Naked"? Urban Dictionary Corner on Countdown? Loose Women 'made over' into "Cracked up hos bitchin n belchin"?
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:47 PM
Monday, November 19, 2007
..someone describes you as a "regular guy" do you:
a. Take pride in your precision timed bowel movements?
b. Vow to lose that Tony Blair haircut?
c. Worry that you have become American without realising?
d. Ascribe the descriptee to the category of vocabulary:challenged? or
Is now within reach on all those crappy call centred circles of capitalist consumer colon clamping c****. [Insert suitable expletive]
Do the Citizens Advice survey. Tell them what you think of their rotten ramblings and push-button purgatory.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:53 PM
Thursday, November 15, 2007
I need some coloured ink to highlight this complex printout I've done so that I can understand this even more complex job I've got to do. I know, I'll rifle through those tubs of pens I've been hoarding to see if there's anything suitable. Whilst I'm at it, I'll just check them all to see if they're still working; some of them have been in those tubs for years, I bet they've dried up. I wonder if you can recycle pens? Maybe I'll separate out the non-working ones and then I can bag them up. I can check out the Council website to see if there's a pen recycling facility operating in Bignjuicyville. The bottom of the pen tubs are a bit dusty, time for a rinse out but they're so deep it'll be difficult to get them dry again quickly so that I could put all the working pens back again once I've sorted them. I know, I'll dig out that old hairdryer and I can blast them dry in a few seconds. Maybe have some tea first.
Now I've sorted the pens, washed and dried the tubs, I still haven't found the kind of pen I need for the highlighting job. I did find my fountain pen buried in one of the tubs and I remember how bad my handwriting has got since I stopped using it. The ink would be just right for the highlighting. Maybe it's time to go back to using it but the ink's all dried up. It's a while since I cleaned it out. It's writing with scratchy, partial strokes. Better take it apart and flush it through with water. Better use warm water, but not too hot or I'll damage the reservoir. If I unscrew the reservoir I could flush the water through more thoroughly. Better to do a good job than a half baked one.
I left the pen parts on the radiator to dry them out because the heat is more gentle than the hairdryer. I was worried that the dryer might melt the reservoir rubber. I've been looking for my bottle of ink that I left in a safe place when I last used it several months ago. I had to reorganise the bookshelves a bit because I suspected that the ink was in a storage box which I keep behind a line of very thin books. I got the box out after carefully removing all the books and laying them on the desk. I opened the box but the ink wasn't in there. No deal. Anyway, I've now got a vague recollection that I lent the ink to a friend a while back. I phone him to check, he's on voicemail so I leave a message. Maybe have some more tea while I wait for him to phone back.
I remembered the ink was at the back of the kitchen cupboard because it's cool and dark in there. I found it and filled the pen. Practiced my signature for a while because I've been asked several times recently to re-sign things because they don't match specimen signatures. My handwriting really needs some practice urgently, that's what computers do for you. Signature starts to return to some semblance of former appearance so I decide to finally attempt the highlighting job I began hours ago. The phone rings and it is friend who I thought I'd lent the ink to but actually hadn't. He is confused as he doesn't even use ink. We discuss the merits of various writing technologies before going on to general chit chat, meeting arrangements, telly viewing, work-goings-on and evening dinner menus before I finally make my excuses and return to work. Now too tired to complete the actual job, I at least finish the actual highlighting. Tomorrow is another day...
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:21 PM
Monday, November 12, 2007
iPhone - uPhone?Remember.
Some thoughts - days after others have posted theirs; better late than never I say.
The phone is stylish but also incorporates a well engineered package of technologies never before seen in one unit. It has proven appeal. As with most of the Apple products, though, expect: a. Reductions in price within the year, once all the iDisciples have worshipped at the altar of Steve and acquired their version 1 phones. b. Substantial improvements in specification for lower purchase cost. c. Technical faults prompting 'told you so' headlines / product recalls / debates in Parliament etc etc. d. A whingefest from the Chosen Ones when a & b happen. e. Availability on other networks. Sometime around 2009 I'll be logging onto ebay to buy mine for about ten quid to use with pay as you go. At that time the new models will be small enough to clip onto a convenient nipple, thinner than Victoria Beckham's Open University course note folder, available in several fashionable colours and preloaded with the entire back catalogue of every movie, piece of music and edition of Countdown known to podkind.
Mark my words.
Old (Etonian) Lags
Jobs for the old boys.
David Cameron - Tory Leader, hander out of Tory jobs, old Etonian.
Jonathan Aitken - ex Tory cabinet minister, convicted criminal, recipient of new Tory job, old Etonian.
Jeffrey Archer - ex Deputy Chairman of the Tory Party, convicted criminal, expelled from Tory Party, non old Etonian.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 3:53 PM
War is failure.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
I grew up with the ever-present fear that there would be a nuclear war that would annihilate humanity. My adult life has been spent against a background of terrorism and international conflict. As a child I longed for an end to war and fear and believed that it would happen in my lifetime; 'surely people would see sense?' Over the years I've heard this sentiment many times from young and old. Yet, it seems, we are still very far from abolishing war. There are huge vested interests in perpetuating the 'war machine' and, I believe the desire to destroy those that are designated an 'enemy' arises from our deep seated animal instincts writ large in the societal structures we've created and support with our labour. I've been fortunate, so far, never to have been pulled into a war. We are told at this time every year that we live in freedom. Yet I live in a country gripped by paroxysms of fear, hatred and loathing of those perceived as threats. My views are derided as unrealistic, appeasing and even cowardly yet I go on believing that with all our intelligence, skill and humanity we really could find a better way to manage our affairs. Why is it wrong to seek to move beyond a point where the 'answer' to a problem is to unleash violence? How do we get to a position where the people we give power to are the sort of people who will invent a new way to conduct our affairs which doesn't include violence?
Are we really free?
Is war more attractive than peace?
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 1:41 AM
Monday, November 05, 2007
When somebody goes to the trouble of spending an hour showing you "this great new method" that they have for doing something, you can be pretty sure that they are trying to sell it to you. The underlying message is, "why don't you do it this way too and, while you're about it, give us your hard earned time and money so that we can justify our existence". The trouble is, the great new method is pretty crap and takes twice as long as the old method and has a worrying tendency to go wrong. There are unintended knock-on consequences too. How do you tell your friend that you don't want to use the great new method?
Round these parts. Et vous?
Slippery brummy has-beens
It's dangerous being famous.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:48 PM
Sunday, November 04, 2007
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 7:07 PM