Friday, March 30, 2007
Bank Crisis: Your questions answered.
Q. How does the BACS system work?
A. Joan comes in on Tuesday and types all the stuff into the keypad.
Q. Why has my salary not been paid into my bank account?
A. Our computer got a bit tired during the week. It's Easter and it's been going for about thirty years, what do you expect? Plus Joan has got a cold - OK?
Q. What does 'BACS' stand for?
A. It is a playful anagram of SCAB which originally stood for 'SCam At Bank'. Over the years the meaning has gradually changed and now SCAB is popularly understood to stand for, 'Soaring Charges And Bollocks.
Q. When will I get my money?
A. On Monday.
Q. Why not Saturday or Sunday?
A. Saturday and Sunday are not banking days.
Q. What does that mean?
A. Joan has her hair done on Saturday and goes to see her grandchildren on Sunday.
Q. Can I get cash at the weekend?
A. Maybe. Maybe not, sucker.
Q. That's unacceptable.
A. Actually that's British Banking.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:47 PM
Q. How does the BACS system work?
A. Joan comes in on Tuesday and types all the stuff into the keypad.
Q. Why has my salary not been paid into my bank account?
A. Our computer got a bit tired during the week. It's Easter and it's been going for about thirty years, what do you expect? Plus Joan has got a cold - OK?
Q. What does 'BACS' stand for?
A. It is a playful anagram of SCAB which originally stood for 'SCam At Bank'. Over the years the meaning has gradually changed and now SCAB is popularly understood to stand for, 'Soaring Charges And Bollocks.
Q. When will I get my money?
A. On Monday.
Q. Why not Saturday or Sunday?
A. Saturday and Sunday are not banking days.
Q. What does that mean?
A. Joan has her hair done on Saturday and goes to see her grandchildren on Sunday.
Q. Can I get cash at the weekend?
A. Maybe. Maybe not, sucker.
Q. That's unacceptable.
A. Actually that's British Banking.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:47 PM
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Grrrrowlyerfyerdrarghhrr
Siralan is back. I hear he's been de-bagged. Looks like the Amstrad Electric Face Prod may not have been up to the job after all. I wonder if that's why Tim got Fyerd. That Margaret is a game old bird, what with her MySpace page n all.
Sick
Sicker than the average bear am I. Started with a a little frog in the throat. Presently a sodding great growling lizard in the gizzard with a nice redeyed waterfall feature a'la mucous on the side. Bleedin climate. Bleedin germs.
Cough - send drugs - cough.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:35 PM
Freedom reignsSiralan is back. I hear he's been de-bagged. Looks like the Amstrad Electric Face Prod may not have been up to the job after all. I wonder if that's why Tim got Fyerd. That Margaret is a game old bird, what with her MySpace page n all.
Sick
Sicker than the average bear am I. Started with a a little frog in the throat. Presently a sodding great growling lizard in the gizzard with a nice redeyed waterfall feature a'la mucous on the side. Bleedin climate. Bleedin germs.
Cough - send drugs - cough.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:35 PM
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Toyin Agbetu tells it like it is to Her Maj and the PM.
Apparently, the Queen 'looked interested'. It was probably the most interesting thing that's happened around her for a while. I think Mr Agbetu's protest is a healthy sign. It's still possible to shout the odds in the presence of the great and good - despite the high security CCTV anal probes installed in every 'public' building. How refreshing for TB to be told - "you should apologise". How refreshing to hear Her Maj be told, "you should be ashamed". What was that I was saying about freedom?
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:33 PM
SmileApparently, the Queen 'looked interested'. It was probably the most interesting thing that's happened around her for a while. I think Mr Agbetu's protest is a healthy sign. It's still possible to shout the odds in the presence of the great and good - despite the high security CCTV anal probes installed in every 'public' building. How refreshing for TB to be told - "you should apologise". How refreshing to hear Her Maj be told, "you should be ashamed". What was that I was saying about freedom?
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:33 PM
Monday, March 26, 2007
It's 11pm BST (ie 10pm GMT). I've been awake since 6am BST (ie 5am GMT) thanks to some considerate building contractors across the road who obviously couldn't sleep. I'm feeling like a zombie but where am I going to find one at this time of night?
Seriously though, I think this is the worst case of clocks-go-back lag I've ever experienced. I've realised in recent years that I get really rather ratty when I'm like this. Inconsiderate drivers, attitudinally challenged shop assistants and unsolicited knockers on doors all get the full nuclear treatment when I'm like this. Grrrr. Talking of which Ian Paisley has to have one of the loudest, most annoying voices in the history of the world. Imagine living with that voice for 50 years. I wonder if his wife is hearing impaired? He's also got quite scary teeth. Is an 80 year old First Minister a good thing for Northern Ireland? I think not. Still progress is progress...
It was a gloriously warm afternoon. Bright and sunny. I ended up stuck inside in front of a computer - as you do. Still, a few days off are approaching. Now shall I
a. Do The Garden?
b. Do The Decorating?
c. Do the Business?
So many choices.
On the subject of banking. I've had an account with Smile for a while and I've noticed a major deterioration in their standards of service of late. I found out earlier that they are short staffed in their call centre by about twenty bods. This is a big problem because Smile is basically a call centre. Now I wonder why they are short staffed? Low pay? Low morale? Crap coffee in the canteen? Shortage of well toned pole dancers in the atrium? OK I need to get out more.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:10 PM
FreedomSeriously though, I think this is the worst case of clocks-go-back lag I've ever experienced. I've realised in recent years that I get really rather ratty when I'm like this. Inconsiderate drivers, attitudinally challenged shop assistants and unsolicited knockers on doors all get the full nuclear treatment when I'm like this. Grrrr. Talking of which Ian Paisley has to have one of the loudest, most annoying voices in the history of the world. Imagine living with that voice for 50 years. I wonder if his wife is hearing impaired? He's also got quite scary teeth. Is an 80 year old First Minister a good thing for Northern Ireland? I think not. Still progress is progress...
It was a gloriously warm afternoon. Bright and sunny. I ended up stuck inside in front of a computer - as you do. Still, a few days off are approaching. Now shall I
a. Do The Garden?
b. Do The Decorating?
c. Do the Business?
So many choices.
On the subject of banking. I've had an account with Smile for a while and I've noticed a major deterioration in their standards of service of late. I found out earlier that they are short staffed in their call centre by about twenty bods. This is a big problem because Smile is basically a call centre. Now I wonder why they are short staffed? Low pay? Low morale? Crap coffee in the canteen? Shortage of well toned pole dancers in the atrium? OK I need to get out more.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:10 PM
Sunday, March 25, 2007
I've been watching The Trap for the past three weeks. The three films have given a sweeping critical overview of social and political theory during my lifetime. I've really welcomed the mental scaffold that film maker, Adam Curtis, has given. So many hunches and half understood concepts have fallen into place during my watching. I've been glued. My question below, "are you free?" has it's roots in this. My understanding of freedom is necessarily influenced by the environment in which I've grown. My own answer to the question, after watching this stuff is, 'probably not'. 'The Trap' should be compulsory viewing for all electors in 'democratic' states. It's not often something you see on telly changes your world view. This did and the ideas, I believe, will remain with me for a long time.
Overview and episode summaries here.
Vitrolite
..is the shiny glass-like cladding which gave so many art-deco buildings their hollywood glamour. It's no longer made and this site belongs to a man who repairs such buildings. I found it fascinating.
Old times
Dress like a 1940s manual worker - you know you want to.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:46 PM
Overview and episode summaries here.Vitrolite
..is the shiny glass-like cladding which gave so many art-deco buildings their hollywood glamour. It's no longer made and this site belongs to a man who repairs such buildings. I found it fascinating.
Old times
Dress like a 1940s manual worker - you know you want to.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:46 PM
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
4 years tomorrow
Monday, March 19, 2007
7.55am on March 20, 2003.
Key members of the British Cabinet gather outside the Cabinet Room at 10 Downing Street.
Rather than being told by the Prime Minister that the country was at war, they discuss how they learned news of the first American strikes in Iraq. It's clear to those listening that they had little prior knowledge of the stikes. Gordon Brown heard it from the BBC World Service, Jack Straw from a policeman banging on his door, David Blunkett from Radio Five Live.
Standing drinking tea and coffee they wait while in a locked room behind them the 'War Cabinet' meeting is in progress. Tony Blair is being briefed by military and intelligence chiefs about the attack launched by President Bush a few hours earlier. The Prime Minister’s outer circle, gathered here, await news their faces showing the strain and lack of sleep.
The extraordinary image was taken by Nick Danziger who was given unprecedented access to Blair's inner circle during the opening stages of the war. The Times Magazine commissioned Danziger and Peter Stothard to document the story and it was first published in The Times Magazine on 3 May 2003. Now an exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery displays 24 of the Danziger shots in public for the first time. The room is small, the photographs are tense, charged images. They crackle with import and, viewed now with eyes inured to the open wounds of a wrecked country they stand as a lesson and extraordinary document of those times. If you are in London I highly recommend you go see. Somehow, seeing that sad confused little group brings home the fragility of power. For a moment they are in the dark, at the mercy of forces far greater than they or their boss really understand.
NPG press release. Related book.freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:08 PM
Saturday, March 17, 2007
I saw a man coming, as it were from Ireland. His name was Victoricus, and he carried many letters, and he gave me one of them. I read the heading: "The Voice of the Irish". As I began the letter, I imagined in that moment that I heard the voice of those very people who were near the wood of Foclut, which is beside the western sea—and they cried out, as with one voice: "We appeal to you, holy servant boy, to come and walk among us". St Patrick - Confessio |  |
Just how Irish are you?
Quiz.
I qualified to 'Wolfhound' level.
Downpatrick - resting place of the Great Man
John Murphy has some excellent shots of Downpatrick, including some of St Patrick's grave.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 7:32 PM
Thursday, March 15, 2007
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:59 PM
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
A reason, if one were needed, to visit Crosby on Merseyside. The Anthony Gormley work, 'Another Place' is staying put. Originally planned as a temporary installation, the 100 cast-iron, life-size figures spread out along three kilometres of the foreshore and one kilometre out to sea will be retained at Crosby. Gormley's Angel of The North, which initially met with local derision, has become an icon of Tyneside. The Another Place figures continue to draw crowds. The power of art to transform eh?
Quizzer
50% of the offspring have been sprung - can you guess who belongs to who?
Name dat child below.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 7:16 PM
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Spring has sprungeth and our thoughts naturally turn to mekkin babies - no?
Save yourself the pain and bankruptcy of child rearing - why not do the bignjuicy, 'Name dat child' quiz instead. You know you want to - clickety do dah...
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 4:26 PM
What have we learnt this week?Save yourself the pain and bankruptcy of child rearing - why not do the bignjuicy, 'Name dat child' quiz instead. You know you want to - clickety do dah...
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 4:26 PM
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Tranquility base is much much smaller than the birdy likes. There's a low sodium lifestyle and an antique salt collection in the east end. Teachers can be very naughty. You can get a small child for £5.95 at Mark's Chinese takeaway. Chips extra I think. Jeremy Clarkson has a famous admirer. Kwiksave memories. A new movie producer is born. Staring at brick walls can yield all sorts of colourful lessons.freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:31 AM
Thursday, March 08, 2007
It's International Women's Day so I thought it was about time I saluted ten women who have changed my life for the better; some in a small way, some in a huge way.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:15 PM
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| 1. My beautiful mother. | 2. My beautiful sister. | 3. Chantelle - national icon. | 4. Germaine - keeps getting better as she gets older. | 5. Kathy - we miss you; act again please. |
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| 6. Eileen - you never knew how good you were. | 7. Ella - golden voiced goddess. | 8. Josie - you showed us how to live. | 9. Zaha - you're quite mad and you're a stunning genius. | 10. Raisa - you helped change the world. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:15 PM
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Quick question no 1
Cannabis: good or bad?
Quick question no 2
Incest: right or wrong?
Quick answers
Following your feedback, here are the proportions of the various views expressed.
Q1 Good: 0% Bad:50% Neither: 50%
Q2 Right: 0% Wrong: 100% Neither: 0%
The questions were prompted by the news stories about the defiant granny and the German brother and sister.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:53 PM
What a performanceCannabis: good or bad?
Quick question no 2
Incest: right or wrong?
Quick answers
Following your feedback, here are the proportions of the various views expressed.
Q1 Good: 0% Bad:50% Neither: 50%
Q2 Right: 0% Wrong: 100% Neither: 0%
The questions were prompted by the news stories about the defiant granny and the German brother and sister.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:53 PM
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Have you ever felt as though you were on the edge of being really good and successful at something but somehow, in a strange and unfathomable way, you just can't seem to make the next step to a actually being really good and successful? When I still had the time and corporate slush fund budget a while back, I did a course in 'Performance Coaching'. This consisted of a retired lecturer sending me his modules through the post. I would rearrange the contents into something vaguely coherent and then send them back to him to mark in front of Countdown with a bag of Werthers Originals on the coffee table. This is known in the trade as 'demonstrating that learning has taken place'. I dutifully persisted with the modules until the final one arrived and I realised that it would involve me in setting up and coordinating a large scale study of a group of disaffected clients under the guise of 'improving their performance'. This would comprise of my setting them unachievable goals and using clever psychological devices to change their perceptions of their own crapness into refocused positively affirmative delusions of competence. Are you sensing my conviction in the method yet? My mission was to document their transformation via a complicated 'performance grid' and then send it to Lenny for some afternoon clipboard action in front of Richard Whitely. I pondered my psychomeddling assignment at length and concluded, even though my modules were lauded by Lenny, that I couldn't be arsed. My interest in obtaining a piece of paper to prove my Performance Coaching credentials was never the motivation. I did it because I was interested, not to add another certificate to my collection. I had a few feeble gee up messages from Lenny and, later on, Brenda back at the office but I stood firm and became a Performance Coaching dropout. That might make a good T Shirt slogan - no? Earlier today I was helping someone to break through a problem and realised as I was doing so that some of Lenny's remote instruction had stuck. I was successful in motivating my client who was very happy as a result. My realisation now is that I need a performance coach of my own. I wonder if Lenny is still alive?
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:46 PM
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:46 PM
Monday, March 05, 2007
Arty farty
You'll be glad to learn that over the years, The British Government havesquandered invested billions of your hard earned in a lavish and extensive art collection which is largely inaccessible to you and I because it is used to adorn the offices of numerous functionaries small and large [ yes Mr Prescott has got some ]. As a token gesture they have photographed around half of the 13000 works and these are now presented en web for your salivation and general discontent. I did see part of the collection when I had a wee snoop around TB's place a couple of years back. Very nice it is too. Anyone fancy a Henry Moore in your hallway? I feel a campaign must be mounted. It's our government ergo it's our art collection.
4000p
Upon inspecting my water bill earlier I was interested to see that I have managed to reduce my consumption such that I am owed £40 by the evil, grasping multi-nationally controlled water barons. I'm reasonably confident that much of this is due to the effects of a flush reduction experiment [F.R.E] I undertook in recent months. Sparing you a full description of this, let me make it clear that dignity, decency and decorum were maintained at all times. However, there were side effects, so I have temporarily discontinued the F.R.E until such time as I can learn to live with hideously encrusted limescale the like of which might only be seen in the gents at The Liquid Limestone Guzzlers Tavern and Calcium Excretion Day Centre for Chalky Pissers with Bladder Problems. That is all.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:35 PM
Lunar eclipseYou'll be glad to learn that over the years, The British Government have
4000p
Upon inspecting my water bill earlier I was interested to see that I have managed to reduce my consumption such that I am owed £40 by the evil, grasping multi-nationally controlled water barons. I'm reasonably confident that much of this is due to the effects of a flush reduction experiment [F.R.E] I undertook in recent months. Sparing you a full description of this, let me make it clear that dignity, decency and decorum were maintained at all times. However, there were side effects, so I have temporarily discontinued the F.R.E until such time as I can learn to live with hideously encrusted limescale the like of which might only be seen in the gents at The Liquid Limestone Guzzlers Tavern and Calcium Excretion Day Centre for Chalky Pissers with Bladder Problems. That is all.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:35 PM
Sunday, March 04, 2007
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I know I know. Slacker than John Prescott's buttocks after a night on the pies.
That's me this week that is. So little to do, so much time to do it in. Yawn. Anyways, a more perfect evening for eclipse watching would have been hard to imagine. Clear skies with stars shining brightly. Temperatures just this side of bearable for March. A civilised start and finish time. Thanks God.
My first full lunar eclipse seen in its splendour. Relatively free of sodium glow and photographed to within an inch of its umbra. I took a beer break during totality, as you do. Interesting that once totality was reached light levels dropped so low that the camera could barely pick anything up. This was disappointing but I'm pretty pleased with all the other shots. I'll publish the large size shots soon.
Hover over shots for details
Did you know that there was another lunar eclipse earlier this week only seen by Nasa? - incidentally, they take better photos than me. Sigh - if only I had a multi billion dollar space agency at my disposal.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:59 AM