Tuesday, August 31, 2004
drD: I resign
boss: OK drD - sorry n all that - 'we'll have to advertise your job - need you to help us decide how to pitch it - do we go for A skillset or B skillset or A+B?'
drD: err
boss: of course it's too early for you to say - we'll talk again soon
drD: [*thinks: dream on fish breath*] OK
boss: meanwhile perhaps you could put some ideas in writing
drD: OK [*thinks: After I've taken the time to arrange my new life in it's entirety. When you've had to remind me sixteen times and I'm just about to walk out the door I might write a list of what I told you a year ago and you were too busy to pay attention to*]
boss: I always knew your career would move in this direction of course
drD: [*thinks: you know nothing about me - if you did you'd prostrate yourself at my feet and beg forgiveness for your inadequacy as a human being*] I see.
boss: Well, all the best
drD: [*thinks: ...people leave this dump eventually - ciao!] OK
[drD exits left]
Olympic artwork quiz
- is getting a bit Radcliffian. Here are some clues to help you towards the finish:
A1 - Jahwohl
B1 - Only yesterday...
C1 - Rodent preserve
D1 - Can't breathe
E1 - Smog
C2 - Waterloo promise to love you for evermore...
D2 - Dame Edna
Run like the wind
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:13 PM
Monday, August 30, 2004
Can you identify the olympic city from the detail of it's artwork - [taken from official posters, emblems or medals] - from one of the summer olympic games held since 1896?
Points [ but no medals ] will be awarded. [ One guess each please ]
| A | B | C | D | E | |
| 1 |  |  |  |  |  |
| 2 |  |  |  |  |  |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 7:00 PM
Saturday, August 28, 2004
T+12
Friday, August 27, 2004
What an extraordinary day.
Following this morning's events I left work early today and decided to go to one of my favourite places in the world to finish the day in a bit of style. Preceded by a walk through a green n juicy Hyde Park - evening sunlight making everything glow - gorgeous.
Late night opening at the V&A - they had various DJs pumping out tunes in various quarters. Techno beats with your Donatello anyone? Very strange but made me see the musuem in a different way - like putting a new soundtrack to a familiar scene - clever.
I love to be able to gaze upon some masterworks - just walk in off the street and see works of genius tucked into obscure corners of a labyrinthine building. The nation's treasure house. A little champagne and then back on the train, gazing at pink clouds against a powder blue sky. Wonderful to be part of all this.
Wonderful and moving too to read all the comments - very kind of you all to write them.
Nighty night.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:25 PM
I'm back. I've done it.
Mood: Relief, a bit numb, slightly unreal and dreamlike.
I've resigned from a secure well paid job without a another job to go to.
It feels bloody good.
Mad? Most definitely.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:25 AM
T-5minsMood: Relief, a bit numb, slightly unreal and dreamlike.
I've resigned from a secure well paid job without a another job to go to.
It feels bloody good.
Mad? Most definitely.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:25 AM
I'm about to go and do it.
Mood: Determined, excited and a bit nervous.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 8:45 AM
T-3Mood: Determined, excited and a bit nervous.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 8:45 AM
T-9
Countdown
Thursday, August 26, 2004
There come moments in every life where a turning point is reached. Where a choice needs to be made and the choice will have a lasting effect on the direction and nature of that life from then on. Just such a moment arrived for me yesterday. Whether to initiate a chain of events that I've long dreamt about but genuinely feared for the risk they represent - or to remain as is. To play it safe.
I've decided on the former course but I've not stepped yet beyond the point of no return.
You know that feeling you get when you are driving at high speed and it's getting very slightly out of control but you're enjoying the sensation so much that you push things a little further? That's the sort of feeling I've got at the moment. I think it's called being reckless. Writing this blog has helped me to get some perspective on what's important and what's not important in my life. Reading what others write has reinforced this. I've come a long way in the last year.
I now realise that I'm growing again. After a period that felt like stagnation - clinging to familiar patterns and behaviours - I'm now about to re-connect with my inner thingy. [How my inner thing feels about this I've yet to discover]
I've come to believe that everyone knows innately what's right for them and what will make them happy. I've come to realise that much of what passes for 'civilised life' - money, possessions, jobs, f*****g 'status' - are actually mechanisms that divert innate vision and seduce us away from ourselves in the belief that our happiness lies with their false promises.
By this time tomorrow I will have stepped beyond the point of no return. I never thought I would do what I'm planning to do. [ Rest assured it's legal and not life threatening - lots of people do it everyday but I've never done it and it's scary but I know I have to do it ] The fact that my heart leaps with excitement at what will follow tells me it's the right thing to do. The fact that my stomach twangs with nerves everytime I think about what I'm planning to do tomorrow tells me that I'm still alive and that years of conditioning have taken their toll on my spirit.
Check back tomorrow morning - I'll be publishing as it happens...
T-15
Mood: Focussed & happy - occasional nerve twangs.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 6:00 PM
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
| Red red wine you make me feel so fine
You keep me rocking all of the time Red red wine you make me feel so grand I feel a million dollars when your just in my hand Red red wine you make me feel so sad Any time I see you go it makes me feel bad Red red wine you make me feel so fine Monkey pack him rizla pon the sweet dep line Red red wine you give me whole heap of zing Whole heap of zing mek me do me own thing Red red wine you really know how fi love Your kind of loving like a blessing from above Red red wine I love you right from the start Right from the start with all of my heart Red red wine in a 80's style Red red wine in a modern beat style, yeah | I love this track. I love Red Wine. Especially a nice spicy shiraz. Chilled. Yes chilled red wine. I know it's weird - but it works - try it. Labour of love I own only on cassette. It's a classic. Double platinum and every track a gem. Sounds a bit dated now but still has that bleak edginess from the 80's. Wonder if I should get the CD? Two samples for you to try. Red red wine Many rivers Sorry I can't pour you a glass. Here's the next best thing.  |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:50 PM
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
We wus robbed
Monday, August 23, 2004
 |  |
| Paula | Scream |
I'm feeling a teensy bit this way myself today.
Note to self: avoid contact with solicitors whenever possible
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 8:42 PM
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Points have been updated - Debster [ after an impressive and relentless showing in the latest quiz ] has £2 to nominate for donation - no Tories allowed - ever. BW has £1 to donate. I'm off to bed to recover..
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:11 PM
Saturday, August 21, 2004
Koala fingerprints are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans. [popbitch]
There is a biochemical similarity between the penis and the lungs. Both contain a large amount of the enzyme phospodiesterase, which limits men's erections and constricts blood vessels in the lungs. [Are you pleased to see me or just out of breath?]
Tweeds and corduroy are back.
TB may have chav tendencies.
Sewage is routinely discharged into the River Thames an average 50-60 times a year. [Choice]
"The way we go into the stadium is very different from everyone else. It's like the parade of athletes - but with men in dresses." [And you thought Athens was dragging]
Britain is crap at sport.
Britain is brilliant at sport.
You thought BT was slow to respond - how does 28 years sound?freshly squeezed for you by drD at 7:46 PM
Friday, August 20, 2004
You may have noticed that the Olympics are on.
For those of you that don't know, this is a large event that is organised every four years by people who need to make lots of money. There are lots of drugs and fireworks involved and they put a lot of scantily clad people on TV while it is all going on to keep us distracted. It's normally hot when the Olympics are on so everyone sweats a lot which makes it even sexier. There are some very attractive figure hugging outfits and well developed bodies, some nice grunting too. I think I'd better stop there as I don't want to endanger my family purity mark awarded by Pope John Paul in a secret ceremony two days ago whilst I was offline. Anyway, seriously overdue I know - but here is the latest BnJ quiz:
Identify the olympic sport from the picture
Choose from:
Badminton, Badminton, Baseball, Basketball, Beach Volleyball, Bjork, Boxing, Canoeing, Cycling, Diving, Fencing, Gymnastics, Highjump, Hockey, Judo, Rowing, Running, Shooting, Softball, Swimming, Tabletennis, Tennis, Waterpolo, Weightlifting, Wrestling
Put your choice in the comment underneath the picture - first correct answer gets the point. Answers on Sunday.
[ When a full and comprehensive and long overdue points update will be undertaken - I'm on my way to the offlicence shortly to prepare for it ]
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freshly squeezed for you by drD at 7:32 PM
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Cereal noshtalgia
Over at DG there's a cerealfest. I was reminded of my all time faves Golden Nuggets and my early indoctrination into clever marketing ploys. Klondike Pete and Pardner added so much to my morning bowl of processed maize, sugar, glucose, fructose, modified sucrose and reprocessed wallpaper paste con lecce.
I loved Klondike Pete - but I especially loved Pardner - he was one cool hos - check out that deadpan expression. I prefer the original artwork to the updated stuff. Great to see a whole new generation of tooth enamel under attack.
Great entertainment value to be had from Channel 4's new series 'That'll teach em 2'. With tongue planted firmly in cheek a 1960's secondary modern school is recreated. Stereotypical teachers with serious sphincter issues meet the yoof of today. It's the Bash Street Kids on acid. Favourite characters so far:
John Major's dad - the Headmaster
Perry - quirky, articulate ...and ginger - he's a 60's kinda guy.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:10 PM
Sunday, August 15, 2004
    | Since my trip to the Saul Bass exhibition I've been going all geeky on film titles. A few have caught my eye recently on telly. I thought they might have been Bass - but detailed scrutiny revealed that they were by Maurice Binder. It turns out that Binder was one of the 3 leading designers of the Bass era - his 60's style certainly owes much to Saul. Most interestingly Binder was the man who defined the look of the Bond movies - designing all of the Bond titles until his death in 1991. He invented the 'gun barrel / blood' sequence that still prefaces each movie.
This excellent site by Red Grant details Binder's contribution to the Bond genre. Red's main site is a wealth of Bond imagery - well worth a look. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:43 PM
Saturday, August 14, 2004
A couple of weeks ago I was having a clearout [ as you do during a heatwave ] and I came across some poster tubes I'd stashed some time back. As I opened one of them up I suddenly realised that I'd stashed them for a reason. They contained posters that I'd been meaning to frame and hang. Well, I had great fun going through about 15 posters that I'd bought at various times - admiring my own taste - there are some corkers and my next move is to take out a mortgage on my ass to pay for the frames. One of the posters I particularly admire and it's number one on my list for framing. I bought it on a trip to Washington a few years ago. I remember loving the luminous rich colours, 1920's feel and the lovely slightly melancholic mood it has. I was unfamiliar with the artist at the time - one Edward Hopper. Not any more.
Having seen all the hype surrounding the current Hopper show at Tate Modern I was uncertain about what I'd think. My first impression was not good. I really hate crowds in exhibitions. Despite their timed entry system the Tate still managed to overstuff the first room of the show with idiots forming queues to see each picture whilst glueing themselves to audio commentary 'phones' and / or talking into mobiles at the same time. I moved swiftly along. They always save the best stuff for later and I could always come back when the queues had abated. The show, as they say, is a stunner. Hopper is a truly modern painter and his work has a classic quality. It says much about the twentieth century. Themes of loneliness, alienation and aching human spirituality are continuous throughout his work shown here. A man, apparently, of few words - he preferred to let his pictures talk for him. They do. I was really taken up into the works - another Hopper 'trick' - you become part of the scene, an onlooker into middle distance like the everyman figures in the images before you. 'Stop and smell the roses' came to mind - the paintings; moments of stillness, contemplation in a hostile world. Lives caught up in the treadmill of 'civilised living' frozen for a moment to reflect on their meaning/lessness. I have to confess I'm given to this view of existence myself from time to time and this is probably why the pictures had such a resonance for me. Moody, intense works. The saturated ochres, velvety grass greens, washed whites and buttery yellows. The genius rendering of light. My favourite is The Drugstore. So evocative of 'old' shops - the glass painted sign, the clever reflections of the window display - the luminosity of the warm tungsten light spilling out into the dark street. The proto Warhol 'Ex Lax' sign. Everyday America, re-presented to itself as so much more.
Links
Hopper slideshow - from The Whitney in NYC - main beneficiaries of the Hopper estate.
A fellow enhusiast.
Thought provoking Sr Wendy Beckett analysis of 'Nighthawks'.
Interesting fact: Hoppers work provided the inspiration for the design of the Bates house in 'Psycho'.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:11 PM
Friday, August 13, 2004
After two hours in the company of the local constabulary today it appears that a serious crime took place outside my house yesterday and that I was a sifgnificant witness to it. This, despite my having seen very little and what I did see was bizarre. I'm reminded of The Times TV ad a few years ago that highlighted the importance of perspective on a scene: Viewed from one place the incident in the ad appeared as if someone was about to be mugged, from another that someone's life was being saved. What I saw yesterday appeared to me to be strange but innocent. What I actually saw was the end of a very nasty incident indeed. I'm not going into details as I may eventually have to go to court. What I will say is that no life was lost - it could have so easily been different. I'm chilled to the core to know what happened 10 feet from my front door. It's already making me wary of opening the door to callers. Bad bad bad. Much worse for those directly involved.
We don't need no maths
"They need to know how to add up, but they won't need quadratic equations in the rest of their life. On the whole children don't see maths as relevant and many have learned all the maths they need by the age of 11."
Radical stuff. I've never used quadratic equations since I left school. I've used Pythagoras' Theorem about twice - just for the hell of it. Allowing kids to give up maths at 14 I think is an idea that should be looked at.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 2:20 PM
Thursday, August 12, 2004
drD's pad was yesterday cordoned off for 8 hours following a criminal act in the vicinity. I hasten to add that it had nothing to do with me your honour. Having spent most of the day a virtual prisoner I finally managed to escape at 10.45pm to carry out vital functions that had been denied me for the whole day. My schedule has not yet caught up and I am presently enaged in more vital functions. I will be back to update you following attendance at the local copshop tomorrow.
Meanwhile you may be interested to know that you can meet this man
at Waterstones in Piccadilly on Saturday - where he will be signing copies of his autobiography [ So young - so much to write about ].
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:15 PM
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
One of the more interesting Olympic events from Athens looks likely to be the Shot Put. There's been a lot of controversy about the precarious progress made on completing the Olympic Venues. They are due to plant about a million shrubs the day before the Games open. Rumours that Diarmuid Gavin has been managing this contract are unfounded.
No such worries, though, for the Shot Put. The venue has been finished in plenty of time. It was ready some time back. About three thousand years ago actually. For the Shot is to be Put in the Ancient Olympia Stadium. The stadium was the home of the ancient olympics until they were stopped in 393AD. It is close to the site where they kindle the Olympic Flame in that weird ceremony where they all dress up in white gowns and prance about with parabolic mirrors. It's supposed to be based on some antiquarian rite but I think it's more than likely some hollywoodesque s***e cooked up by the IOC when they're not busy freeloading. Anyway, the Ancient Olympia Stadium looks to me to be an amazing environment to watch sport. No plastic seats or concrete steps - spectators will sit on the grass banks surrounding the arena. No annoying electronic signs or whizzy cameras strapped to the back of an electric hare. All the competition will be conducted in daylight hours so as to avoid the need for artificial lighting. I've a feeling that, like the Diving competition in Barcelona and the Triathalon in Sydney - the Athens Shot Put may be one of the more memorable televisual images from these games.
Interactive Quicktime panorama here
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:52 PM
Monday, August 09, 2004
I've spent the last few days undertaking my first foray into the wonderful world that is laminate flooring. A friend is kitting out a room for a new business and I blithely offered to help out in the flooring department. Never having dealt with laminate flooring before I was a bit concerned when a large quantity of it landed in my lap - so to speak. I've seen the TV programme. They make it look so easy don't they? Well actually it is easy. A highly trained gerbil was not available for this particular job - [ it's busy on the Channel Tunnel rail link presently ] - but if it had been: nil problemo. The only issue might have been manoeuvring the panels out of the packet with it's little claws but otherwise simple is as simple does. I've finished the job this evening and am feeling well proud of myself. What was a sad old room with mangy carpet has been transformed into a bright spacious business power base with sexy wall to wall flooring laid by yours truly. The flooring itself was a bit of a bargain from Wickes - £4.99 per square metre - any colour you like as long as it's beech. Cheaper than most other flooring types I've seen yet doesn't look too cheap + guaranteed for 10 years. Top stuff. A couple of tips if you should be undertaking a similar project:
1. Don't do it during a heatwave.
2. Make a block booking with a friendly osteopath for when you finish.
Either that or commandeer the room that you've worked on and lie flat out on your lovely floor for several hours until your spine regains a modicum of flexibility.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:27 PM
Sunday, August 08, 2004
UK readers may be aware of a little climatic warmth at present. This is leading to all sorts of strangeness in Bignjuicyville. Most disturbing is the tendency for people of a certain age to divest themselves of clothing in public. As a qualified fashion advisor I must counsel against this. One's public persona and reputation is seriously damaged when ordinary members of the public can view your private nipple hair, cellulite, grey chest hair (ladies) and leather look thighs. May I also advise extreme caution in the selection of garments to be worn below the waist. Rah rah skirts should not be worn. Tight Crimplene sports shorts are not recommended for ladies of pensionable age. All persons are instructed to use deodorant.
Thankyou.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:37 PM
Friday, August 06, 2004
Emma from Big Brother.
Wasps.
Bloody Elsanta strawberries.
Jason from Big Brother's nipples.
Sven, that woman he shagged and the F bleedin A.
Fiona Bruce's eyebrows.
The Olympics.
Anne bloody Robinson.
The Daily Mail.
Barbecues.
Warm lager.
Cold lager.
Lager boys.
I thankyew
Relative
 |  |
| Bet | Dan |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:43 PM
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Here's what recent visitors have been looking for [I kid ye not]:
| Search term | drD's advice |
| Why can't Sven keep his dick in his pants | It's a Scandinavian thing - all that running around naked, birch twigs etc - they're so much less repressed than us.
|
| big n blond
| I'm afraid not. Try here. |
| colonic irrigation
| This one keeps on coming. Drop me a line I know a good plumber.
|
| sexy Carol Vorderman
| I know, you're middle aged, unsatisfying relationship. Carol seems somehow 'available'. Believe me she's not - she's got a horrible laugh, has an ego the size of Halifax and earns more than you ever will. Geddover it quick. |
| Vegetarian haggis recipe
| First, find a genetically engineered sheep's stomach.
|
| How big is Eminems penis?
| How should I know! For goodness sake - why not take up weaving or join the scouts to take your mind off things.
|
| summat interesting
| Yes, we're all after that - after all. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:31 PM
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Steamy
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
It's been seriously humid here in Bignjuicyville today.
It feels like a sub tropical climate zone. People are moving about slowly. Little clothing is being worn and that sheen has appeared on peoples skin. So humid that water droplets have been falling out of the sky throughout the day. Water and electricity are not a recommended combo but God seems to have forgotten that. This morning whilst giving a talk to a group my eye was distracted by what I thought was someone taking flash photos in the adjoining room. It was, in fact, God letting off large bolts of lightning and startling small animals. Large volumes of water are being dropped throughout the land. Tomorrow looks set to be a good day for ducks - and mop manufacturers.
Steaming
My life has been transformed.
I have discovered the joy that is taking your shirts to the cleaners to be ironed.
Ironing enslavement is ended - the weight of the Braun Variomatic has been lifted from my shoulders. I am truly content.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:35 PM
Monday, August 02, 2004
Banksy has recently updated his site. Further railings against the establishment and a plug for his new book. Graffiti cannot possibly be an artform - right? In the news today is the Keep Britain Tidy campaign whingeing on about how graffiti is being used to give commercial products 'edge'. Their reposte is that it's 'not clever and it's not funny'. Like the collection of retired headmasters and do-gooders they are - they've already dismissed a street art exhibition at Manchester's Urbis without even seeing it. Keep Britain Tidy is not above a little 'edginess' itself. Their latest TV campaign is bound to reverse the genetic trait of we Brits chucking our crapola hither and thither - no?
"Keep Britain Tidy will be showcasing a series of three humorous adverts to dramatically overplay the importance of putting your rubbish in the bin. In each advert the drama unfolds as the central character finds himself in a life or death situation: clinging to a remote cliff edge with waves crashing beneath; trapped in a lift that is about to break and stranded precariously in a cradle on the side of a skyscraper. Help arrives but instead of clambering to safety the central character is only concerned with giving his rubbish to his rescuers so they can put it in the bin. Once he has managed to do this, he is happy."
How much did that little lot cost? - and do they really think that this will imprint itself on Deggsy and Shazza to the point where they are going to keep their Maccy D drive thru boxes in the Escort for later in-home disposal rather than throwing them into the middle class hedgerow? Strewth.
Furthermore, Keep Britain Tidy is not above a bit of smut. Check out their adult poster campaign. Shocking - and there was me thinking it was a bit like the Tufty Club.
Pants
The BnJ server has been up and down more times than Sven's pants today. My profuse apologies for this. I am given to understand that the compost liquefaction process has been compromised by lusty gerbils running rampant in the blog pipeline. Apparently their ardourous goings-on have caused a blockage and things have been prevented from getting where they need to go. As I type, a crack team of composters are re-establishing flow to the affected parts and with any luck all should be back to 'normal' soon.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:09 PM