Big n juicy

A recent police raid in West London saw the first ever use in the UK of a giant X-Ray scanner which was trucked into the neighbourhood for the occasion. The giant X-Ray shows a graphic image of a person minus their clothes. It can reveal any item hidden under clothing such as guns, clubs, coshes, explosives, drugs, intimate body piercings, concealed copies of Busty Housewives Weekly and voodo fetish dolls of William Hague secreted in the nether regions.

Scary indeed if you are ever subject to such scanning - who knows what dark secrets may be revealed to Mike, Sue and all the other lads down the station? Who knows where your scan images may end up - posted on some dodgy file sharing site and downloaded to be drooled over by X-Ray obsessed degenerates in dark bedrooms. [Shudder] Made into T Shirt transfers and sold, printed on cheap cotton, on dodgy market stalls to rebellious middle class youths?

This technology is going to be irresistible. I can just see the security ~~freaks~~ consultants getting excited by the prospect of being able to electronically undress people on the pretext of increased security. "If you're not doing anything wrong - you have nothing to fear - it's all designed to improve public safety". Naa naa whine whinny, froth foam - pass the Daily Mail puhlease.

Once the machinery becomes cheap enough and small enough it will start to appear all over. Just like metal detectors, CCTV cameras and rectal probes have infiltrated our high streets. Well maybe not the rectal probes just yet - but they'll be creeping in by the backdoor too - just you wait.

Yes, it's the beginning of the end. Now you really will have to make sure you've got clean pants on every day - either that or be caught out by Sargeant Knicker-Scan and his unfeasibly large equipment.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:42 PM

Stephen Whitehead in his book, 'The Many Faces of Men:The Definitive Guide to the Male Species', identifies 27 different types of men. Based on 15 years of research into '(pro)feminist poststructuralist theories in order to critically explore men and masculinities, identity, gender and management, and organisational behaviour' - the book attempts to give a witty insight into 'what makes men tick'. Promoted as a way for women to gain a greater understanding of why men are the way they are and for men to better understand themselves - the basic thesis is that we all fit into one of the 27 types.

A handy list is presented here. The short summaries, though, give a confusing picture - I couldn't place myself in any one of the categories - a lot of them overlapped as far as I was concerned. It would all depend on what day it was and probably what time of day it was and I would probably be a different type each time. Next I tried the handy publisher's quiz here - trying to answer the questions in relation to me as though I was the long suffering partner of myself - [ confused yet? ] - because they assume that the quiz will not be attempted by sad singletons; because, well, they don't count do they?

Anyway, having done the quiz I'm even more sad because it looks as though I'm far too nice for my own good - 'not that shaggable' - as they sensitively put it.
So that's it - my life is over. Either that or I go round to Keele and kick Stephen Whitehead - that would make me type 14 - Mr Angry I guess.
Q: 'What type are you or your man ?

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:24 PM

Just over 50 years ago Watson and Crick uncovered the structure of DNA. Since then technologies to understand and manipulate DNA have proliferated. Now this process has surely come of age when you are able to buy a DNA sequencer you can use at home. Not only that, the sequencer is designed as a childrens toy!

Back in December I picked up a copy of Wired magazine. Reading through I was astonished to come across a toy DNA sequencer. Available from the Discovery Channel shop for $80 - the 'Discovery DNA Explorer Kit' includes, among other things, a centrifuge, magnetic mixer and electrophoresis chamber. Looking like a prop from Lost in Space - the kit has everything for the budding molecular biologist. As ever, batteries not included.
So cool - I want one badly.
But what next: 'My first thermonuclear device? [uranium must be ordered separately from Mexico]'

Quiz answers
The Spring quiz was sprung pretty quickly with all answers being supplied with plenty of time to spare. Thanks again to all participants - points are now posted. Next quiz: Wednesday - see ya then.

Blue 2
Much mystery over at the coven with the sudden disappearance of Witchy.
This followed soon after by a glowing blue subterranean wall in East London.
There are forces at work that we do not understand. *goes off to bury toenail clippings at crossroads*

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:47 AM

We live in a quiet neighbourhood.
Randy Bender achieves cross cultural notoriety via PopBitch.
Zaha Hadid has been awarded the 2004 Pritzker Prize for architecture. She is the first woman and the first Iraqi to win the 'nobel' for architecture.
Dinky the singing Dingo likes to tickle the ivories downunder.
Some dogs like to dig holes to keep cool.
Blind dogs can lead active and fulfilling doggy lives.
Jean's pussy is half as old as she is.
Douglas has not had a haircut for six months.
Vodka and Redbull is powerfully hallucinagenic and not a very well known combo in Miami.
I'm criminally under-commented.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 8:00 PM

Whadda week - feeling v.tired and so glad it's the WEEKEND
Yesterday evening I was so tired I fell asleep on the sofa, mouth open, light on, woke up at 2am feeling v.special indeed. May have been something to do with the compulsive Googlewhacking I was doing for most of the day. Displacement activities - moi? I've still not found a proper whack - despite about six million attempts but I'm working on it - I may well go blind in the attempt but what price futile googling eh?

Anyway, it's the weekend and for once - it's a blank canvass - stretching before me like a pristine snowfield waiting to have my big plates of meat stomp all over it, corrupting it's virgin loveliness and rendering it a complete scene of devastation. Where did that come from? So I'm going to savour it awhile and plot some hedonistic scheme to keep me amused.

Career conundrum
Saw a job advertised today that could be ideal for me. I could walk to work, earn significantly more than I am now. Utilise more of my skills, work with a friendly team. I'm pretty confident I could get the job too. Yet something is stopping me from applying. I want to be my own boss. Am I mad?

Blue
I'm sad that Simon has announced his withdrawal from the blogmill. He was one of my first linkers and he's written many a post that made me think. I cut out n kept one from a while back and was re-reading it the other day. He has a way with words has our Simon and I'm going to miss him.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 6:12 PM

Midday sun

Do that Quiz, baby, do that Quiz, you know you want to - ooh yeah...

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:24 AM

I've often wondered what could be the evolutionary benefits of "the Personality Clash"?
Most of the people I meet I find that I can rub along with pretty well. In the main you can usually find common ground with people and establish a decent relationship. Good humour, mutual respect, courtesy, a certain gentleness with people usually does the trick. People are susceptible to my charms (at least I like to delude myself that they are) - bugger it: I'm a pretty nice chap. I see this pattern of interaction every day with other people too and the world that I live in is fortunately a reasonably harmonious place.

Every now and again though it all appears to go wrong. The two parties just can't seem to connect, they both seem to have completely different views of the same situation and try though they might can't seem to find common ground.
It's as if they have been programmed not to agree - as if they are incapable of doing so. Writ large - this is what causes wars. What possible value can this have in any Society?
Calling all Sociologists ...

It's the Quiz of the Week - nice n simple this week - the theme is 'Spring'.
2 answers each until Sunday when you can come back and scoop any remaining questions.
Answers Sunday night and remember - it's all for charidee!

1. What is the title of that song from the Mel Brooks film, The Producers.
2. Yellow flower.
3. Easter ****y.
4. Bouncy man from the Roundabout.
5. Early flowering and white and little and lovely.
6. It rises.
7. Bouncy feet - saying.
8. You're no flightless bird that lays eggs.
9. Seasonal removal of detritus from one's abode.
10. Woolly children born.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:39 PM

This post comes to you from the inside lane of the M1. Brought to you via the power of the mighty ipaq. Having been stranded here for the last hour I thought I'd amuse myself and try to dull the pain of having to listen to Ken Dodd's Hawaiian party hits which are being thoughtfully MC'd by the neighbouring car - full of loud Irish women and their children. Reminiscent of the classic episode of, 'One foot in the grave' - this jam has the feeling that it could take a long time. So far I’ve yet to step outside the car. Others have already done so however. Quite a gathering over there in the overtaking lane. People craining their necks, trying to see what’s causing the delay up ahead. I have to confess to wondering if its one of those incidents. So much fixation at present with imminent attack and such like. There I was cruising along at a steady 60mph, contemplating my nostrils in the rear view mirror when suddenly a barrage of brake lights in front prompts rapid deceleration to standstill. And here I've been since. Ho hum.

Linkage
{johnmajorvoice}
I've been secretly enjoying the contents of Simon's skip for some considerable time - oh yes. And I would very much like to place a link to said skip across there on the left.
{/johnmajorvoice}
Anyone that can analyse a 70's mens hairdryer the way Simon does has my attention.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:00 AM

They've got a new musak CD at Mogadonmart. I can't be sure but it sounds like, 'The Smurfs sing the Best of Bob Marley'. It was all I could do not to crack earlier as, 'I don't wanna dance' was relayed Pinky & Perky style over the tannoy whilst I shopped for snackettes. I think they must get these CDs from Mogadon HQ where they have a low budget recording studio. It's probably known as 'Central Recording And Production' and staffed by someone near to retirement who steals playlists from Radio 2 and then buys in local vocally challenged people of small stature to lay down the tracks against nasty backing tracks downloaded from Cacknack.com in North Korea. I estimate the production budget for each CD to be at least £4.50. They probably tell the singers that this may be their big break as at least 1000 people will hear their feeble warblings each week. Little do they know that most of that 1000 will try to get the hell out of the shop as quickly as possible to escape the dirge.

They've also taken on a security guard - a sign of imminent Al Qaeda activity in the detergents and luxury chocolates aisle? [3 for 2 on Bournville this week] - the security guard is called 'Phil'. I know this because he was wearing a peaked cap - A California Highways Patrol stylee one - with a big badge on the front saying, 'Phil'. 'Phil' is about five foot three and built like a twiglet - he's got enormous commando boots with JCB style tyre tread soles. I'm sensing 'Phil' may not last long in the job. As I was leaving the store this evening he was discussing a matter of concern with one of our fine local young people. "You look like a dick in that cap mate", said the fine local young person - who looked about 12 but was actually taller than 'Phil'. 'Phil' was not looking happy.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 8:24 PM

I think this may well be one of the defining images in UK domestic politics this year.
Despite all of the enquiries and reports - TB can't seem to shake off the perception that he misled us all can he?
Despite all the positive things he's done in his time as PM it's not enough. The country has gone into that discontented state where we're casting around for the next fix for our 'troubles'. Sometimes I think it might be a good thing if the Palace of Westminster slid into the Thames and then they could all sit in a circle in the Millennium Dome instead and play with each other and Betty Boothroyd could come back and smack them all when they argued too much. I'm bored with it all.

The Quiz: - and the results from the Bignjuicy jury are in:

1. TB>Z - why?
A. Tonio talks to Mr Zapatero.
2. Far out ocean ladee - where?
A. Somewhere out there on the edge lies Sedna - native American Charlie Dimmockalike and 10th planet.
3. 40k down the pan - how come?
A. All those civil servants will have to re-apply for other jobs in all the new agencies that'll be needed to do all the work the civil servants used to do.
4. "Who's Kerry? We want George" - where?
A. In sunny Warrington - where George Formby wins out over Kerry McFadden for immortalisation in bronze. Turned out nice again.
5. Venus and lions - where?
A. Trafalgar square - who needs has been musical stars of yesteryear when you've got this?
6. 12k and you get Big Eggo - howso?
A. That's what it costs for a Beano first edition these days. Big Eggo was an early ostrichoid character.
7. Thunder in the Midlands - we'll not be late - why?
A. Midland Mainline have gone all hi-tec and invested in loud whistles with non degrading peas. Hear one here
8. Octogenarian off soon if they don't cough up - whohe?
A. The Flying Scotsman train. No pea required
9. It hasn't grown this much for 200 years - what is it?
A. Tonio's nose - and the UK economy.
10. World peace needs 50p for the meter - where?
A. Brum where nobody wants to pay the gas bill for the eternal flame.
This would never have happened with the Birmingham Municipal Gas Board - I blame Thatcher.

The new scores are here
As my head is hurting - next weeks quiz will be be less taxing..and will have a spring theme.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:56 AM

Mr Big's real name is 'John'.
Dr Who's real name is 'Chris'.
Relocation relocation - was sloughed off.
Prince William loves watersports.
Watersports take on a new dimension in the bogs at JFK.

Thatcher sends suicide wheelie suitcase to get Scargill.
Dick Zare spent hours filming Guinness bubbles for St Patrick's day. Crazy name, crazy guy.
Guinness porn link here
Colds can have beneficial effects on your psyche.

The Quiz: - 6 questions remain - cmon cmon cmon... :)

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:00 AM

Well, it was all coiled and ready at the beginning of the month and I reckon today it finally went 'boing'. Real warmth in the sun and driving home earlier everything was decidedly green and lush. There was a real luminance in the fields, sprinklings of blossom all over the hedgerows and that smell - a mixture of sweet rising sap, damp soil and early fragrance warmed by the sun. It's all quite lovely and I feel reenergised, after two days locked into my pit of mucosal misery, to be out and about enjoying it all. The past two days have given me a chance to re-charge if nothing else and I'm feeling strangely focused for me. Most enchanting image this week: The blue tit couple that have moved into the garden and are busy darting around in their unknowingly gorgeous manner. Second most enchanting image this week: The Robins who can't quite decide whether it's safe enough to stay in this neck of the woods - I'm sure enjoying watching the househunting.

Chaffinches
Yes, he's been modelling again and this time he's got the missus with him too - don't look - you'll only encourage him.

Do the Quiz - remember you have until Sunday night to make your mark!

Lol
"I need another craniotomy like I need a hole in the head".
Ivan Noble - the inspirational diarist who is fighting a malignant brain tumour.

"There is so much we have left to do in whatever time we manage to steal from this thing. So I am going downstairs to make a coffee and to continue to steal shamelessly for as long as I can."

Deeply affecting - read it when you get upset over something that's not really that important at all.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:33 AM

Join The Big n Juicy loyalty scheme!
Details are here - it's all for charidee mate - all you have to do is have a go at the quiz.

This week I'm going to run the quiz until Sunday night - so more time to work on those answers.
No more than two answers each until Sunday when it's a free for all for any questions that remain unanswered by then. Here's round 3.

1. TB>Z - why?
2. Far out ocean ladee - where?
3. It hasn't grown this much for 200 years - what is it?
4. "Who's Kerry? We want George" - where?
5. Venus and lions - where?
6. 12k and you get Big Eggo - howso?
7. Thunder in the Midlands - we'll not be late - why?
8. Octogenarian off soon if they don't cough up - whohe?
9. 40k down the pan - how come?
10. World peace needs 50p for the meter - where?

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:30 AM

A long time ago, nobody can quite remember when - a boy was born in the West in the far off land of Glockamorra. His parents, Miss Maureen O'Hara and Mr Pierce O'Brosnan were a fine looking couple and young Patrick inherited not only their lovely teeth but also a certain movie star quality that would later serve him well. [ This, of course, all took place long ago in the mists of time long before movies, blogs and Celine O'Dion were ever invented ]. Patrick's life in the West was uneventful until one day whilst he was dancing by the River Neeson he noticed a dark eddying pool alongside the river bank. Curious, he dipped his hand into the foaming cauldron and tasted the water which was black in colour. Patrick had discovered the secret source of what was to become in 1759 the beverage of legends. From that small spring a mighty pipeline would one day be constructed to transport the precious black liquid to Dublin's fair city where it would be bottled and sold through streets broad and narrow by a seafood marketing operative called Molly Malone.

As Patrick grew in wisdom and stature a strange longing grew in his heart. He somehow knew that he would have to leave his lovely thatched cottage in Glockamorra, with it's peat fire and steaming stewpot and the spangly rainbow/crock of gold water feature in the garden/meadow outside. He knew that he woud never see his father, Pierce again nor his beloved mother Maureen - who was still a fine looking woman due to the lifegiving properties of Patrick's black water - despite her now advanced years. So it was that Patrick set sail for the land of Ireland.

Upon arrival into Dun Laoghaire he immediately set about cleaning the place up; arranging for everything to be painted green, making lots of harp badges to decorate everything and ordering the systematic nationwide annihilation of all Irish snakes - which had long tormented the people with their hissing and slithering through the undergrowth. Upon spotting the last remaining snake one day hiding under a carpet of clover - Patrick fearlessly reached down and removed every fourth leaf on each clover stem to reveal the cowering snake below. Grabbing the snake by it's head he cried out, 'Begone o slippery one, I cast thee downunder wherest thou belongest'. This is why to this day there are no snakes in Ireland - [ apart from those held securely in zoos and private collections plus a few that have escaped ]. It is also why there are now so many snakes in Australia [ 'Downunder' ].

As time passed, that patch of clover from which Patrick had banished the snake, grew and spread far and wide to cover the entire country. Patrick decreed that the plant should be known as 'Shamrock' - [ a name later to inspire U2 ] and to this day it can be found growing voluminously in tufts from every available orifice all over the shop. Indeed so invasive has the Shamrock become it is constantly uprooted, packed into containers and stored in warehouses throughout the year. Every year the warehouses are emptied during the second week in March and the Shamrock stockpile is shipped out in a massive global airlift operation - coordinated by Bono from U2 with sponsorship from Aer Lingus - to the far corners of the earth. Millions of people glue the Shamrock to their bodies and pretend to be Irish. This all comes to a head on the 17th March every year - all in memory of that fateful snake banishment many years before.

In 1972, Pope Ronan the fifteenth declared that Patrick was a Saint and that is why he is now known as 'St Patrick'.
Following his Sanctification it seemed natural to celebrate Patrick's many achievements with a day dedicated in his honour. The Irish government therefore decided to create 'St Patrick's Day' as a public holiday for the nation so that everyone could celebrate the massive profits from the Guinness / Shamrock / Riverdance / Boyband / Literature / Music / Tourism / Computers / Harps / Tom O'Cruise / Kerrygold export business that Patrick had founded.

Today nobody knows what Patrick looked like - apart from that he had lovely teeth, dark hair and strong masculine features and was about 6 foot tall with a good build and a certain Tom O'Cruise quality about him. Lost in the mysteries of time his memory lingers on - especially when his theme song, 'What Makes a Man', is performed by the boyband named after his childhood, Westlife.

NB
drD is unwell and in need of life giving black water.
The weekly BnJ quiz will therefore be appearing tomorrow when the mighty ipaq will be unleashed for the first time upon this blog.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:40 AM

Suffering muchly.
Send sympathy and whiskey now.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:46 PM

Woe is me today as I'm feeling a tad under the weather - just as it's beginning to pick up n all.
I'm retiring early to my sick bed to whimper pathetically.
I need to build up my strength for Wednesday.
Tomorrow I should be taking delivery of my shiny new ipaq. This will change my life, transform my productivity, allow me to get my spending under control and generally make me a far more attractive prospect to potential love interests. That's what the advert said so I believe it.
I'll tell you how I get on tomorrow. That's assuming I'm not abducted by a love crazed fetishist upon leaving my house tomorrow morning overwhelmed by my mighty ipaq
Watch out world. I may be congested but I'm paquing processing power in my pocket and I'm not necessarily pleased to see you.
See? - delirious.
*Reaches for pill*

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:55 PM

And so to the Hayward Gallery to see the Roy Lichtenstein Exhibition.
It's been a while since I was at the gallery and while I've been away they've remodelled the entrance area. Transformed from it's former role as a security bunker behind bullet proof glass; the ticket office now has people you can actually talk to face to face whilst standing inside rather than shout at as once you stood outside in the windswept concrete bunkerplaza that used to pass for the way in.

Despite the many critics of it's brutalist architecture, the Hayward is actually a good setting against which to show modern works. It does not benefit from the swanky Madison Avenue setting of the similarly bunker like Whitney Museum of American Art but once inside you focus only on the art. Where the architecture occasionally comes in to focus, stairwells - [ beautifully detailed concrete work] - it adds to the sensory enjoyment of the art rather than distracts from it, as is the case at Tate Modern.

Anyway, the exhibition itself has a fine collection of work ranging from the early sketches and paintings of the sixties through to the mature works of the late nineties. Remarkably consistent of style, any suspicions I harboured that Lichtenstein's 'pop art' style was a passing phase in his career were dispelled by the time I'd exited - [ through the shop - another thing they've picked up from the American gallery scene ]. The very latest works in the show, a collection of minimalist abstract landscapes still have the signature benday dots only here they are used with mastery and power in hugely subtle and layered compositions all still, blue and deep. Echoes of nineteenth century Chinese prints both in the format - tall and narrow - and the colouring. These told me that Lichtenstein's style defined his approach - he made it his own; it wasn't an affectation, a mere imitative device or clever trick. Even though he openly based his work on everyday advertising and 'commercial art' his use of it was usually commentative and the very act of recreation often on a large scale - several 10 foot + canvasses in this show - gives it an iconic status that is greater than the mere materials of which it's made or represent. The Angel of the North came to mind, a huge figure, simple in form but symbollically very powerful in it's scale - taking things to 'another level' - so it is here at the Hayward.

The strong graphic nature of his work has always appealed to me and has been influential on modern artists who now without hesitation appropriate 'commercial' materials - graphics, music, literature - and re-present them. Given the times we live in it's difficult to fully appreciate the impact this work must have had when new. Viewed now by generations for whom pop art is an established part of our visual language; it's refreshing to come face to face with these endlessly reproduced and imitated works and to be reminded of their great subtlety and deceptive simplicity. Deceptive because there is great craft in these works and a great and clever mind - pure Americana - and great fun.

Most spooky moment of my visit was coming across the painting, 'Desk Diary', from 1962 - the diary depicted open at the very day before I was born!

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 8:13 PM

Espresso is good for you. As if we needed telling.
The 1989 Tiananmen Square massacre was a mistake. As if we needed telling.
Homeless people are beautiful.
I'm too tall to join MI5 - drat.
Even witches are resorting to high tech methods these days to accomplish their aims. (no 3)
Kasokong pong. There's only so much BO the neighbours can take - 10 years worth seems to be the limit.
Some people's parents have little imagination. Thank G they didn't call him Richard. [ Courtesy of Simon ]
Beagles are notoriously difficult to control when let off the leash.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:09 AM

Glasgow has decided to capitalise anew on the legacy of Charles Rennie Mackintosh. Just as Barcelona has done so in respect of Antoni Gaudi.
A new campaign, Glasgow: Scotland with style draws upon the Mackintosh aesthetic and presents it in various contemporary forms. Posters, online advertising and the back ends of buses - [ No PopIdol jokes please ] - feature some cool new imagery designed to re-brand the city as a destination for the urban sophisticate. Five citizens will represent the face of the city and an early advert uses the slogan, "Discover Mackintosh's Art Nouveau masterpiece. It's called Glasgow", superimposed across an image of one the dining room chairs [ see left ] from House for An Art Lover.

I think this may be stretching things a little far. Glasgow is hardly an art nouveau city. For sure it has a wealth of exceptional buildings and a glorious urban beauty. The gritty realities of the past are still juxtaposed with the more aspirational elements of today. Nowhere is this more apparent than walking around the sublime Merchant City - [ Nice tour here ] - with it's glorious patina of decayed grandeur providing the setting for many new and chique developments. Other areas of the city which have suffered during the demise of Glasgow's heavy industries have been revivified. Following the successful 'Capital of Culture' bid in 1990 there seems to have been an attempt to 'Disneyfy' the city by reinterpreting and representing it's past for the benefits of the new economies. Chief among them is tourism.

The Scotland with Style campaign has to be welcomed. Anything which helps a great city like Glasgow to be enjoyed more and by a wider circle has to be good. I hope, though, all those overseas tourists don't go home disappointed after failing to find the 'Mackintoshtopia' they've been promised on the posters. There aint one - but if you care to look around there's more than enough to interest you - whether it be deep fried creme eggs or deep-fried soya bean curd in dashi sauce, garnished with radish and spring onion. mmm
Link: Very nice photos of the city - including an exterior shot of Glasgow School of Art - note the sexy lampost.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:47 AM

Quiz answers
1. Who's due to retire soon and has an Ultra Deep Field?
The Hubble Telescope.
2. Two years in the sun was not really what they wanted - who are they?
The 'Guantanamo 5' - home this week.
3. Coors Brewers have no belly laughs - why?
They claimed beer bellies are actually caused by late night kebabs and curries and that beer lowers blood pressure.
4. No flys on Victor - why?
Actor Richard Wilson is supporting an anti-flytipping campaign in Scotland.
5. Blue Athens - why?
The new Greek government is Conservative dominated.
6. The Council of Sages has installed Gerard - where?
In Haiti - Gerard Latortue - as the new Prime Minister.
7. Could be a maize of problems ahead - why?
The UK government has green-lighted the first licenced GM Maize crop.
8. The string of pearls is not welcome - why?
They may be the remains of the Beagle 2 probe on Mars.
9. I Know It's Over at 6 music - but we're not depressed - why?
'I Know It's Over' by The Smiths has voted best song to listen to when you are depressed by BBC 6 Music listeners.
10. He don't do nandrolone - whohe?
Greg Rusedski

Well done to Anna. Douglas is leading and apparently unstoppable (?) [ *hmm - wonder how he does it?*]
I'll update the scores here.
Join us next week for more quiztastic questions!

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 5:00 PM

The Big n Juicy loyalty scheme details are here - meanwhile it's round 2.
Remember: 'points win prizes'!

Again there's a topical edge to these so if you don't know them straight off a quick squiz here should do the job.
Max two each until 10pm. Then it's a free for all.
Answers tomorrow.

1. Who's due to retire soon and has an Ultra Deep Field?
2. Two years in the sun was not really what they wanted - who are they?
3. Coors Brewers have no belly laughs - why?
4. No flys on Victor - why?
5. Blue Athens - why?
6. The Council of Sages has installed Gerard - where?
7. Could be a maze of problems ahead - why?
8. The string of pearls is not welcome - why?
9. I Know It's Over at 6 music - but we're not depressed - why?
10. He don't do nandrolone - whohe?

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:47 PM

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 6:50 PM

It's been a weird day for sure. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable right now as there are 'life changes' impending - good ones I hope but stepping into the unknown is scary isn't it? I'm going to take some risks and I've never been a huge risk taker - not on the scale that some people seem to feel comfortable with anyway. I'm a plan B man me - 'always have a plan B' - that's what years of education taught me - sad eh?

Earlier today I had an encounter with a someone whom I don't get on with. This person knows nothing about me as an individual aside from a very distorted view they seem to have formulated of me. I know it's distorted because of the confrontational attiitude they always display when talking to me. I tend not to give much away when dealing with people I don't feel comfortable with so this person probably sees me as a bit 'difficult to reach'. Rather than try to get to know me their approach is to bully me by trying to wrong foot me with half baked accusations about my competence in the hope that I will crack and succumb to their supposedly superior viewpoint. I sense that the dialogue between us is all about power. It's a 'do as I tell you or I'll fire all my missiles at you' situation. There are lots of veiled threats, adversarial picking away at me in an attempt to bludgeon me into submission. I bloody hate it all - pathetic ape like posturing born of ignorance and a refusal to engage in a bit of common humanity. Rather than acknowledge me as an equal, they're so insecure they have to overdo it to the point where I'm left feeling that I've had my head kicked in. BW's words about dignity were therefore very poignant for me today. I'm feeling pretty sore about it all as you can probably tell but three things today have helped to put it all in perspective.

The first was a cracking post by BW and you'll just have to read it as I won't begin to explain it aside from saying it further strengthened my resolve to make the changes I want to.

The second was a walk through the neighbourhood tonight. I ended up passing a traveller encampment. They've pulled up on a spot of waste ground not far from here. They're living in their well appointed caravans; all mod cons, generators - the lot. The kids are outside playing. It's another world - a parallel world. They have their own troubles - but they're outside this madness we call 'society' - at least to a degree anyway. And this reminded me that all over the planet there are other worlds - all going along very nicely thankyou - and my little fracas is as nothing to some of the goings on.

The third thing was 'Your life in their hands' tonight on BBC1. Gripping from first to last; the story of a lovely couple - he with a scary egg of a brain tumour - followed through to a hopeful conclusion. He's thirty and his life could be over in five years unless the surgeon can hoover out the nastiness growing inside. Who knows what may happen tomorrow to any of us?
Seize the day, seize your life - and good luck to Adrian - his loopy grin at the end of the programme said it all.

PS: The fourth thing is the beautiful set of portraits over at Sensitive Light.

Not all bad news from Iraq.
This site has some nice links to Iraqi art and culture including some beautiful artwork by Hashim Hanoon
[ sampled left ]

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 6:36 PM

bua!

"Choose life. Choose motorcycling. Choose a new career. Choose a new family. Choose a fucking big bike."
Thanks to hippy for recent linkage - honoured am I.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:39 AM

Secret bridge found in West London.

60 year old applies to rule the world
Classroom control reaches new heights.
Classroom control sponsored by Sellotape.
Finding a flat for £170k in London is quite difficult.
Jon Tickle was at Richmond Station on 17th February.
The real time universal translator has begun to come over the horizon. This is seriously impressive technology.
"Jordan is living proof that having big knockers can get you a good career."

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:00 AM

One of the most powerful positions in Broadcasting, Chairman of the BBC, is currently vacant.
The BBC permeates all areas of British life, is a major player internationally and is financed substantially through the unique funding of the Licence Fee.

Yet the appointment of it's Chief Officer is a labyrinthine affair conducted by various committees, panels, civil servants and most worringly, politicians.

The latest news of the recruitment process - which began after the resignation of Gavyn Davies over The Hutton Report - suggests that there are 79 candidates for the job.

The post offers a salary of £81,320 for a four-day week. Assuming 5 weeks holiday that's about £1700 a week - nice.
Obviously an attractive job then. Wonder what it involves?
Well, the job description reads:

proven experience at chair level

strong leadership, vision and strategic skills

highly developed communication skills and credibility to act as an effective link between the BBC, government and parliament.

an appreciation of the public interest in relation to broadcasting issues

experience of the management of a large and complex public service or commercial undertaking

Don't know about you - but all this does is bring images of grey haired, grey suited grey men into my mind. yawn
You'd think with an organisation as dynamic and diverse as the Beeb they could come up with something better. The organisation that has such a rich history of innovation and creativity should really put some of it to work in seeking a new leader.

So in the interests of stimulus I offer here my humble suggestions for a new BBC chair. I hope they are reading.


Pros: Unfeasibly large distractions to deflect controversy. Built in shelf for cocktail glasses. Well known. Cons: Thick.	Pros: Jolly. Irish. Gay. Cons: Fickle. Rich. Shiny.	Pros: Mad. Cons: Mad.	Pros: Sexy. Rich. French. Vavavoom. Cons: Likes football.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 1:30 PM

Received today: a helpful guide to a number of professional development courses I could attend.
Skimming through, I find that I am inadequately equipped in many areas. The cheapest courses are £250+ VAT.
Most courses last at least one day and involve a trip into central London [extra cost]; more than one day and a hotel might be needed [extra cost] or another round of fares [extra cost].
So, what should I learn?

'Writing effective business emails' - 'Who should attend? - Those who wish to make their e-mails more succinct, professional and effective. This course does not cover the software mechanics of sending emails'

Translation: We'll tell you to get to the point and be polite when you email - if you don't know how to use Outlook you're on your own - and why are you on this course in the first place?
££ Kerching ££425 please!

Essentials of customer service Customer care: nice or necessity? Really listening, Inspiring confidence, Maintaining professionalism, What not to say...etc etc yawn

Translation: We'll tell you how to be polite, be interested in your customers needs, we'll show you some videos of 17 year olds working in PC World so you can laugh at them, we'll get you to play shop with each other and then show you many many powerpoint slides. Free pens may be given out if you are good.
££ Kerching ££995 please!

Essentials of management 'Who should attend? - Newly promoted Managers from all backgrounds.' Identify different styles of management, know what your team and others expect of you, deal with difficult people, feel confident delegating, deliver effective feedback.

Translation: Prepare for brain removal. We'll show you how to offload everything to everyone everytime and still look good.
££ Kerching ££995 please!

Hmm - wonder if work would pay?

Quiz answers
1. Who's treasure was unearthed from it's brick tomb in West London?
A. Isambard Kingdom Brunel.
2. African oddysey for which flame haired bootboy?
A. Prince Harry.
3. Which Irish county may one day rule the world?
A. Kerry.
4. Kitchen worker stops missives from the west - who is he?
A. Alistair Cooke.
5. Who will not be asking to see Queenies tits?
A. Sunny the African grey parrot - usually onboard HMS Lancaster but removed during a visitation from Queenie.
Stop blog: Sunny will meet Queenie - according to The ~~Scum~~ Sun. er..phwoar.
6. Michael and Mickey - what are their last names?
A. Eisner and Mouse respectively.
7. 419 may be no more if Nuhu Ribadu gets his way - who is he?
A. He's Head of the Nigerian Economic and Financial Crimes Commission.
8. He's sold a million but doesn't need the money - whohe?
A. Pope John-Paul II.
9. Women drivers have started designing cars - which brand?
A. Volvo.
10. Heavenly body once wet - which?
A. Jordan. or Mars. or Peter Andre depending on your particular persuasion at any given moment.

Let's have a look at the scoreboard:
Douglas: 2 points
Anna: 2 points
Anonymous (aka Douglas from work): 3 points

You've been great contestants - have you enjoyed yourselves?
Here's a nice cuddly toy and remember, points mean prizes!
[I just need to work out a cunning prizes scheme now *plots schemingly*]

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 5:00 PM

I've decided to introduce a Big n Juicy loyalty scheme - more details when I've thought them up.
For now this is the first of my 'points win prizes' quizzes.

There's a fairly topical edge to these so if you don't know them straight off a quick squiz here should do the job.
Shall we say max two each until 10pm? Then it's a free for all.
Answers tomorrow.

1. Who's treasure was unearthed from it's brick tomb in West London?
2. African oddysey for which flame haired bootboy?
3. Which Irish county may one day rule the world?
4. Kitchen worker stops missives from the west - who is he?
5. Who will not be asking to see Queenies tits?
6. Michael and Mickey - what are their last names?
7. 419 may be no more if Nuhu Ribadu gets his way - who is he?
8. He's sold a million but doesn't need the money - whohe?
9. Women drivers have started designing cars - which brand?
10. Heavenly body once wet - which?

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 5:03 PM

Don't you love it when people who normally treat you like scum suddenly become all friendly and lovely towards you simply because they need your help? It's as though they think you have a goldfish brain and instantly forgot the times they've ignored you in the corridor, snapped at you on the phone or dumped on you in meetings. I suppose the fact that they do believe you have a goldfish brain is further evidence of their contempt. Sometimes I think that a job as a life coach for the Borgias would be more wholesome than the bunch of b******s I currently serve.
Discontented - moi? It's in the blogosphere this week - I blame the weather.

In brief
If you're remotely political like me then you might enjoy Downing Street says... - a new weblog that gives the fine detail on the daily Downing Street lobby briefing. Rather than hearing the ~~made up~~ journalistic accounts in the press you can make your own mind up. I note this is an unofficial site. Why don't they trust us and put it on the web themselves? Why indeed.

Tubular
Go on you've been dying to know haven't you?
Well here it is: THE LATEST NEWS FROM BOW ROAD TUBE STATION REDEVELOPMENT!!! clicky.
I checked earlier and it's all getting very high powered.
Cult status can't be far away.

££££££ !*&%$!
I've been looking at personal finance software with a view to getting my life under control - I'm beginning to think I might end up making it more complicated.
I suspect one regular reader may have a view on this...
- I'd be very interested to hear of any experiences / recommendations others may care to offer too!
TYIA

Happy 100th to Dr Seuss.
Nice site.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 1:50 PM

Spring is coiled.
Soon the lambykins will be frollicking, birdies will be nesting and British people everywhere will be ripping their clothes off to expose their pallid hides to the merest hint of solar radiation.

The return of the flame haired water goddess to prime time makes me all the more aware of the sorry state of my garden after winter. The moss seems to have taken on an axminster like quality which I strangely admire. I wonder if I could gather it - [ no rolling stone me ] - and meld it - astroturf like - into a living squishy green carpet of textured gloopy loveliness? I love moss me. Maybe should have been a woodlouse.

Delightful day today and real warmth from that strange glowing yellow ball in the sky. Out tonight the stars were atwinklin like Matthew Kelly's teeth. Bleedin cold tho. So cold the local brass monkeys were wearing thermal jockstraps with underfloor heating. But you do feel alive when you're out and about in this here sub-artic climate don't ya? There's no ignoring it - it makes it's presence felt by causing all sorts of vaso-constrictive effects leading to a loss of sensation in a number of key extremities and a tendency to tawkinaslurred fashionthrewnumblips. Good to be alive. [ inhales deeply in an annoyingly wholesome way ]

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:41 PM