Saturday, November 29, 2003
"You're going to have to teach my husband how to do that"
Women are needed to test an orgasm machine. No, Errol Flynn has not been cryogenically reactivated. This is a spinal implant that reaches those places only a Zannussi on full spin cycle had previously been able to - it's much smaller too but at $22000 a time I'm sensing we'll have to wait for the Nokia version to hit ebay before we have a problem with women overdoing it with the orgasmatron and then phone-moaning that they can't come into work of a morning.
Personally speaking, I'm finding these almost a satisfactory substitute.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 7:55 PM
Friday, November 28, 2003
National Disaster
"Due to a power failure at BBC's Television Centre, we are unable to process new weather data and graphics for our services. Engineers are working to fix the problem, but at present we do not know when the data and maps on the website will be updated. Apologies for the interruption to our output."
'What on earth are we Brits meant to talk about now? I pay my licence fee - this is simply not good enough. [ Disgusted of Bignjuicyville ]
Here is the alternative 5 day forecast [ I didn't have time to do Monday and Tuesday - it is the weekend you know ]:
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 4:43 PM
Thugby: Name that player"Due to a power failure at BBC's Television Centre, we are unable to process new weather data and graphics for our services. Engineers are working to fix the problem, but at present we do not know when the data and maps on the website will be updated. Apologies for the interruption to our output."
'What on earth are we Brits meant to talk about now? I pay my licence fee - this is simply not good enough. [ Disgusted of Bignjuicyville ]
Here is the alternative 5 day forecast [ I didn't have time to do Monday and Tuesday - it is the weekend you know ]:
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 4:43 PM
Thursday, November 27, 2003
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At last we've won something and in celebration BnJ launches a tribute to our boys - see if you can name each n every one of em - heroic warriors all. Just don't mention the school fees...
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:31 PM
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
Nuggets
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
A day of reflection today.
A lot of people I'm encountering lately seem to have been recently bereaved.
Interesting how many seem to be thinking they want to make changes in their lives following their loss.
Two deep n heavy conversations today in this vein. Funny how they all come along at once.
Foreign accent syndrome
I never knew there was such a thing. Until I saw this today.
Seemingly we hold within ourselves the facility to adopt any accent in our speech - all it takes is a major trauma of the brain to make it so. Would it be cheap of me to wonder if Lloyd Grossman is right in the head?
Today's thought
Go placidly in the noise and haste.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:28 PM
Bottoms upA lot of people I'm encountering lately seem to have been recently bereaved.
Interesting how many seem to be thinking they want to make changes in their lives following their loss.
Two deep n heavy conversations today in this vein. Funny how they all come along at once.
Foreign accent syndrome
I never knew there was such a thing. Until I saw this today.
Seemingly we hold within ourselves the facility to adopt any accent in our speech - all it takes is a major trauma of the brain to make it so. Would it be cheap of me to wonder if Lloyd Grossman is right in the head?
Today's thought
Go placidly in the noise and haste.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:28 PM
Monday, November 24, 2003
About 5 years ago I was offered the chance to attend a 'Champagne tasting masterclass' provided that I pretended to be a restaurant manager from an exclusive establishment. Well what do you say to an offer like that?
So there I was, with all the other connoisseurs with 12 glasses of Champagne to the front, a spit bucket to the side and a badly repressed grin on my face as I prepared to 'learn'.
The finer points are lost on me now but two things stayed with me. One, the Pinot Meunier grape seems to have an unwavering good effect on any Champagne or sparkling wine - if you see it mentioned on a bottle it's a safe bet to buy it - should be v.nice. Two, not all Champagnes are the same. In fact a lot of the wines that can legitmately call themselves 'Champagne' - by dint of their originating from the Champagne region of France - are in fact inferior to many wines made in other parts of the world using the same method (Champenoise) but allowed only to be known as 'Sparkling Wine'. The other thing I learnt was an understanding of the word 'complexity' when applied to wine and this is never more evident I think when dealing with sparkling wines. There is a richness of flavour - really I should say flavours - when tasting a 'complex' wine. Makes it a really enjoyable experience, multi layered with distinct but complimentary notes that all wrap up into oral and olfactory pleasure - oh yes. I'm not a wine buff - in fact I know not very much other than what I've written here but with Christmas coming up I thought I would share the benefit I derived from that little gathering a few years back. Should you be considering the purchase of some seasonal bubbly I would suggest steering clear of the many obscure and little known brands that suddenly appear at this time of year. Australian Sparkling Chardonnay is usually a safe bet. Mid priced Cava ( go to a wine merchants - supermarket stuff = no good). And for Champagne you can't go wrong with a bottle of Piper Heidsieck - currently 3 for 2 in Sainsbury's.
Cheers.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:06 PM
Sunday, November 23, 2003
I walked out this morning
It was like a veil had been removed from before my eyes
For the first time I saw the work of heaven
In the line where the hills had been married to the sky
And all around me every blade of singing grass
Was calling out your name and that our love would always last
And inside every turning leaf
Is the pattern of an older tree
The shape of our future
The shape of all our history
And out of the confusion
Where the river meets the sea
Came things I'd never seen
Things I'd never seen
I was brought to my senses
I was blind but now that I can see
Every signpost in nature
Said you belong to me
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:49 PM
Saturday, November 22, 2003
The only one with any stage presence.
The only one with star quality.
The most beautiful.
Ah well...no accounting for taste.
Author Hari Kunzru has turned down a £5000 prize sponsored by The Mail on Sunday because of it's "hostility towards black and Asian people". Good for him.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:38 PM
Friday, November 21, 2003
With the approach of the the new year I think it's time that the men of this country realised that the current obsession with 'through a hedge backwards' is bad for national wellbeing and is leading to a decay in moral fibre. Just look around you; everywhere there are spiky just-out-of-bed confections, hoxton fins, wolverhampton dorsals, birmingham blowholes, catford cattails and numerous other hair crimes in need of immediate right wing retribution. [ froth, foam ]
Do they not realise the shame that will be heaped upon them by future generations, as yet unborn, when their inappropriate reverse mullets are exposed in family photo collections many years hence? I have a theory that this maybe a turn of the century thing. To verify this I conducted extensive detailed research into the tonsorial tendencies at the beginning of the previous century.
I need say no more.
But I will. It's time to get over this unkempt unkemptness. Whatever happened to a nice sensible shortbacknsides, [ heavy on the brylcreem, something for the weekend, cough cough ]?
I blame TB - any country with Monsieur Bouff as it's leader is asking for trouble - whatever next: a woman as head of state? [ twitch ]
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:42 PM
Thursday, November 20, 2003
I've had such a laugh playing with this site and then Alain recorded a special greeting pour vous ici. [ Clickez sur mon bonce to ecoutez ] Simple things for simple minds...
Meanwhile more serious matters; this spotted at Georgie's local church - [ flock all ye faithful ]
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:19 PM
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Humbugs all round
The lights won't be going on this Christmas.
They've been dissed.
Bring back Bernard Matthews
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:31 AM
UrbisThe lights won't be going on this Christmas.
They've been dissed.
Bring back Bernard Matthews
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:31 AM
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
The
Building in Manchester is a shiny slippery green stealth building.
Massive on the inside, it disappears on the outside; it's flush glass exterior reflecting the grey Mancunian skies and the buildings around. Part of the the Millennium Quarter project - [ yes, another quarter ] - the building has helped revitalise what used to be a pretty sorry district of the city. It's proving a draw, bringing lots of people to the city and for this reason its not just a building - it's a psychogeographical phenomennomenon. [ with apologies to denture wearers ]
I particularly enjoyed the roof which is like a great scaly green lizard slithering up towards the sky.
The photos are of details I found interesting.
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Close to the edge
This little chap, an African riverine rabbit, is a very rare beasty indeedy.
One of an estimated 500 animals left. So rare he has been added to The World Conservation Union - 'Red list' of endangered species.
A BBC slide show to make you think...
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 5:31 PM
Sunday, November 16, 2003
Well it's been a busy few weeks - so much so I've hardly had time to turn round let alone commit fingers to keyboard. A lot of loose ends to tie up on BnJ so I will be doing that over the coming days whilst dreaming up some new schemes to keep you enthralled. First off is the tale of my near death experience in Manchester's 'Northern Quarter'. (NQ)
What used to be the grotty backstreets behind Piccadilly have been reinvented as the bohemian district of Manchester. This is where you'll find long standing rag trade businesses, quirky specialist suppliers cheek by jowl with refurbished victorian markets doubling as craft workshops. Yuppy flats round the corner from 70's council blocks. Groovy bars and eateries and cool as can be vinyl vendors. It is also home to the legendary Afflecks Palace from where I have purchased many a pre-loved item in my quest for sartorial significance. [ I love this place - there's still the buzz and the energy - if you go to Manchester it is a must ]
I think it's fair to say that given the mix in the NQ there is definitely an edge to the place - a distinct vibe that you pick up as you walk around. The sort of vibe that makes you keep your hand on your wallet and your wits about you for approaching menace. Easy for me to say now, after the event.
Picture the scene: drD wandering carelessly through the NQ, camera in hand, in search of interesting snaps to illustrate his current obsession with public signs. I should happen upon two policemen one of whom encourages me to 'be careful' wandering around with a camera. 'Of course officer I will be, thankyou'.
Attracted by the bold graphic bigness of the Big Issue in the North sign outside their HQ I decide to get busy with the zoom from across the street, paying little attention to the group gathered outside the offices until a sub group of them decide to pay me a little attention when they spot me with my camera.
Like a scene out of Cracker - [ some of which was filmed in the NQ ] - I am surrounded by a group of gentlemen; many of whom appear to be associates of the Big Issue and their workforce; many of whom appear to be under the influence of medication; many of whom appear to be demanding the film from my camera or they will "kick my f*****g head in".
Trying to explain to these gentlemen that it was a digital camera and therefore had no film, that I was not photographing their good selves but the sign on the building, that my intentions were purely innocent, I regularly buy copies of their esteemed publication and fully support the plight of the homeless, wash behind my ears every morning and would never dream of photographing anyone without their consent...
none of this was having any affect and I spied metallic objects being retrieved from pockets as I was smiling subserviently like they tell you in the 'survival in hostile territory' leaflets that they issue to naïve idiots who wander around inner city crime zones with expensive cameras.
It's true, when you feel that your life might be in danger your natural instinct is fight or flight. I decided on the latter option and legged it, all the while controlling the other natural instinct until I reached a suitably appointed restroom facility. Followed by friendly cries, 'OI GET HERE KNOB 'ED' - I made my excuses and left rapidly.
Enjoy the photo - I had an adventure taking it.
Another episode in an occasional series of chance encounters with Northern Celebrities:
Last Saturday who should I find myself standing next to in the queue to rapidly exit the hotel in Birmingham but Fred Dibnah - well known steeplejack and rosy cheeked steam engine afficionado and yes, he was wearing his flat cap and had Very Shiny Shoes to boot
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:17 PM
Saturday, November 15, 2003
I've been slacker than Anne's nether regions the last couple of days - I'll try to post Sunday - honest guv.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 8:10 PM
Friday, November 14, 2003
78 Derngate opens
Thursday, November 13, 2003
Exciting news reaches Bignjuicy HQ today in the form of a newspaper clipping sent to me from a secret, but trusted source. The article in question announces the opening of 78 Derngate; the house in Northampton which is the last major work of my all time favourite, Charles Rennie Mackintosh (CRM). Regular readers may recall my homage du CRM in which I talked about the Derngate project. I've scanned the article [ 81k ] for the delectation of fellow CRM geeks and I've booked my ticket - oh yes! Expect postings in due course. I haven't been this excited since I salivated all over the Sydney Opera House.
The website for the house still appears to be unlaunched at the time of writing but late news about the restoration can be seen here.
Tickets bookable on +44 (0)1604 603407. [ Tell em drD sent ya ]
Slainte
Research evidence today proves what I have always known; Guinness is indeed good for you.
First it was el vino back in August and now The Black Stuff.
My granny always had a bottle of Guinness in the evening - wise woman.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 1:41 PM
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
...of being able to do what I want when I want (subject to reasonable moral conditions)
of living a long productive and integrated life (sounds like a fitted kitchen)
that most of humanity will realise we only got one planet (don't buy mahogany anything)
of seeing major improvments for the world's poor in my lifetime (do I really need to buy that useless gift at Christmas)
of rolling everything I enjoy into a full time activity (tuff one that)
of being free from bosses (enuff of them already)
that at the end I can say, 'I did OK'
too much to ask?
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:36 PM
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
In recent years I've struggled with the notion of 'Remembrance Day'. I somehow feel that there is an aspect of it that 'normalises' war. That building it into the calendar, arranging national events around it, erecting symbols of it all serve to 'deal with' war and it's aftermath. By providing state sanctioned mechanisms for 'remembrance' and 'honouring the dead' we legitimise the practice of war and perpetuate it as a part of our way of doing things. My view is that war should not be considered normal but a sign of failure. I would like to see greater prominence given to this but of course this would serve to make the whole justification for wars very difficult. 'Heroism', 'courage', 'dignity', 'strength' are all noble attributes we hear much about at this time of year. Given the realities of fighting, past and present, who am I to argue with the superhuman struggles endured by millions of brave ordinary souls in the course of our wars? Words like 'failure', 'loss', 'tragedy', 'fear' make far less comfortable reading but I somehow think the language used is a way of sustaining the mechanisms of war so that maybe changing the language would challenge assumptions.
There seems too to be an implicit connection between the necessity for armed conflict as the basis of our 'freedom'. As if freedom could not be attained in any other way than by violent means. This notion of 'peace' as being a state of non-war is very troubling. Whilst I'm realistic enough to recognise that you have to defend yourself if attacked there is a difference between this and the 'just war' concept so often used. None so troubling as the recent, and continuing, expedition in Iraq.
The death of combatants is a vicious and ramshackle thing as this recent news story reveals. Generations who come after are confronted with the grim realities of former conflicts. War is part of the very fabric of our daily lives. Each of us is affected in some way by the experience of wars. They cast a long shadow on successive generations and the ripples spread ever outwards in destructive circles.
Of course I realise that these views may put me at odds with many and upset some but that would be to misunderstand what I'm trying to say. If you believe that it is necessary to have armies and encourage the young to dedicate their lives to their activities you will likely feel that it's right and proper that we remember the loss of these young people in an appropriate way. There can be no argument with that. I do argue that it is unacceptable that they needed to die and therein lies no disrespect for what they did and the sacrifices they made but a yearning for something better for future generations. In some ways many of those who died shared this desire and believed that their sacrifices would help to make this a reality. The fact that I and millions of others around the world have not had to fight in wars might indeed be testament to their success. You might argue that I am only able to speak my mind in the way that I am because of their sacrifices - this I find difficult to accept completely.
My fear is that we have not learned enough about how to avoid wars, we have not worked hard enough to make war seem abnormal, we have not spent the billions of dollars on conflict avoidance measures that we spend on arms. 'The war to end all wars' appears to have been just a new and sinister beginning.
I suppose my premise is that the profession of warrior is one we should be seeking to make an unnecessary job. How marvellous the day when we can march down Whitehall in celebration of the abolition of war and the dissolution of the armies.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:00 AM
Sunday, November 09, 2003
Rearrange these words into a phrase:
Charlie
King
Wan
Off
Servant
Was
ugoddit
Must see on TV this week
Talking of wipe swaps:
Jade and the Major get it together
Like a car crash in slomo over n over...
can't wait.
lol
My abiding image is seeing her in her bikini by the pool with her rolls of fat cascading down, picking her nose then fiddling with her belly button ring. Charming.
Birdman goes cruising with wife swappers
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 7:35 PM
Elvis is in the buildingCharlie
King
Wan
Off
Servant
Was
ugoddit
Must see on TV this week
Talking of wipe swaps:
Jade and the Major get it together
Like a car crash in slomo over n over...
can't wait.
lol
My abiding image is seeing her in her bikini by the pool with her rolls of fat cascading down, picking her nose then fiddling with her belly button ring. Charming.
Birdman goes cruising with wife swappers
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 7:35 PM
Friday, November 07, 2003
Tonight's concert at Symphony Hall in Birmingham was Elvis at his best. This final gig of his recent tour to promote his new album, North found him in fine form and what was obvious before too long is that Elvis has gone all gooey. The album is a stripped back ensemble dealing with themes of loss and absence. The bareness and intensity of the songs - Elvis describes them as 'quiet' - has lead to some stick from reviewers and die hard fans. There was none of this from the loyal Brummie crowd - you really could feel the lurve in the room. Shocking to see so few under 30 though; I guess this is challenging stuff if you're living on a diet of Idol Pops and sugababes. He's not exactly a looker in the Gareth Gates league either but who bleedin cares when you're with a creative genius. Highlights for me were 'This House is empty now' - written with Burt Bacharach - delivered beautifully and movingly. Some have suggested that 'North' owes more to Burt than to the Rocker Elvis of the past and indeed he did seem a bit uncomfortable picking up his electric guitar for the few noisier tracks on offer. New Mellow Elvis seemed at his best when singing sans guitar accompanied only by the masterful Steve Nieve on piano. His deeply expressive throaty voice; tender, vulnerable with underlying menace - soul plugged. I found myself connecting even though I've always had mixed feelings about Mr Costello; he got to me. The 'end' of the concert turned into a rare treat with encore after encore - he was clearly enjoying himself and we needed little encouragement to join in with an inpromptu 'Twist and Shout' that somehow emerged from some 'doo doo doo' chorusing he had us doing just before. An hour over time and three hours after he came on he finally left the stage. Nice one Declan.
I lay my head down on fine linens and satin
Away from the mad-hatters who live in Manhattan
The Empire State Building illuminating the sky
I'm in the mood, I'm in the mood, I'm in the mood again.
I´m in the Mood Again - from North
Coincidentally an article with the same title as this post appeared in The Guardian last week - looks like he's a New York kinda guy.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 3:37 PM
Thursday, November 06, 2003
The estate of Eusebi Guell was originally to become a hilltop garden city in the early twentieth century. A sort of Iberian Milton Keynes in the sun. Fortunately they ran out of money and instead a fantastic public park was created. Shady nooks and groovy cactus outcrops abound. You can walk up hill and down dale all in the space of a few hundred metres. There are brilliant views over the city of Barcelona and beyond to the med, mountains surround you on all sides [ apart from the aforementioned city/med bit of course ]. The reason, though, everyone schleps out of the city and climbs the 1 in 3 hill, endures the altitude sickness and puts up with the crap coffee and abuse from the in-parc coffee cave [ I kid ye not ] is to see Gaudi's quite liderally amazing construcción de la plataforma con las baldosas cerámicas - a crazy wiggly wavy bench with broken ceramic tiles all over and water spouts in the shape of dog heads. Despite the rumours, LSD was not available to Gaudi - there were, admitedly a lot of cacti around.... Nevertheless he managed to produce one of the world's unique public spaces. Little wonder then that half the planet seemed to be there on the day I visited along with their digital cameras and appalling dress sense. It was impossible to photograph the wavy benches because every square inch was covered with touristic bottoms whilst posing for 'casual pics' for the folks back home. No matter; drD has other plans. Ever the subversive, I took to photographing the tourists, in search of the worst example I could find of fashion crimes against humanity. I present now for you this prime example of What Not To Wear When You Are Middle Aged And a Man.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:50 PM
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
The great thing about Barcelona, I am finding, is that most of the population appear to have a life. No rushing home at 5pm to a frozen pizza and suburban seclusion. Nope they head on down to Las Ramblas and surrounding district for a bit of late night perigrination, tapas and the odd copa de cava or six. Extended to the waterfront for the olympics in 1992 this is the social artery of the city and I could probably spend a month exploring all the surrounding interesting streets and squares not to mention the restaurants and bars. An amazing food market, Sant Josep with immaculately presented produce and the most stylish fish stalls I've ever seen gives a clue to the delights to be had in the restaurants.
My favourite so far has been the local mushrooms the like of which I've never tasted; earthy, full of flavour - mmm - I'm such a fun guy eh?
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:42 PM
Hola de Barcelona!
My favourite so far has been the local mushrooms the like of which I've never tasted; earthy, full of flavour - mmm - I'm such a fun guy eh?
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:42 PM
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
After 13 years of waiting I finally make it to the city of Gaudi - Catalan genius and all round good guy.
First impressions of the city are that it has energy and style. Reminds me of Paris - many elegant buildings and tree lined boulevards but there is more of an edge - sense of danger sentido del peligro. Possibly something to do with the mentalist taxi driver from the airport - who knows? I know I'm very happy to be here and looking forward muchly to exploring this great city in the next few days.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:25 PM