Thursday, July 31, 2003
Record breakers 2
Yesterday was a record breaking day. A French designed train, running on French designed tracks broke the British record for train speed. This will no doubt cheer the millions of commuters jammed into the pre-war and cardboard rolling stock this morning as they battle to work. Oh for a truly modern transport system - better move to Germany I spose...
Even lovelier; Bignjuicy achieved a record number of hits yesterday.
Thankyou to all my lovely readers.
[ Even if one of you was looking for "Big Brother Hot Tube nudity" - wonder if my travel card covers that? ]
I've been enjoying the excellent New Yorker Cartoon Channel. If you have a broadband connection you can leave it open and it refreshes with a new cartoon regularly throughout the day. Sharp and sophisticated stuff and free too.
Who are they?
Picture number three. This is the second person of the featured duo.
Why do I do this?
God knows - but this caused a swollen adams apple earier today. Tweet tweet.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:01 AM
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Q. What is Beano?
A. Beano is a dietary supplement that helps prevent gas. Beano contains a food enzyme from a natural source that works with your body’s digestion to break down the complex sugars in gassy foods making them more digestible. It is the only natural product available that can help prevent gas.
Fnarr fnarr - no good to Johnny Fartpants then.
Of course we Brits know better; The Beano is actually a Great British Institution and today it's an OAP; that's right 65 years old. I never thought that Lord Snooty, Dennis the Menace & Gnasher, Minnie the Minx and all their pals would still be around at this time. But when you are seven you don't think too far ahead. Sunday mornings we would all go to 'the papershop' - dodging the hoards of News of The World readers shielding the latest Nude Vicar expose from our young eyes as they headed off to the pub. The Beano front pages were, and still are, deliciously drawn; full of exuberance, colour and life - you just needed to buy it. Comic colour printing in the 70's was still fairly primitive and for The Beano, aimed at seven year olds with pocket money burning a hole in their shorts - this meant most of the the stories were in one or two colours only but when you've never seen full colour lithography that doesn't matter - it's the stories that count after all.
Beanotown is a distillation of British life. Like the stripes on Dennis's jumper, everything is clearly demarcated and polarised. No blurring of boundaries here - Gnasher is truly the doggiest dog a boy could have. The Bash Street Kids were truly the 'class from hell' before the term was ever invented. Dads are always avuncular uncomprehending authority figures who wear suits. Teachers still wear mortarboards and slap up feeds consist of piles of mashed potato with sausages sticking out - no Big Macs or sundried polenta in sight. Many of the stories too seem to be prophetic. Minnie the Minx invented 'Girl Power' 20 years before the Spice Girls were even born.
[ Strangely Gnasher produced five daughters in 1986: Gnorah, Gnancy, Gnaomi, Gnatasha and Gnanette. 5 out of control bitch dogs? nah they didn't release their first single until 1996 ] Billy Whizz anticipated the instant delivery culture of cyberspace too.
Funnily enough Billy was a favourite of mine and I continue to model myself on him today.
My only gripe with the present Beano is the character of Dennis the Menace. Dennis, from the time he first appeared in the early 50's has a slightly thuggish wild boy look. Although the character evolved over the years he retained that slightly out of control and unpredictable quality. The Dennis drawings I remember from the seventies now look crude compared with today's character but I think the roughness around the edges contributed to the menace factor. He's just a bit too cute now methinks.
So many happy returns Beano.
I must away now to reload my peashooter.
Beano linkage
Paul Morris's Beano site - delightful with some truly Geekoid bits. I nicked the Billy Whizz pics from here - Paul does a great analysis of the visual devices used over the years to show Billy's speed and has what appears to be definitive web information for many of the Beano artists and characters. Recommended
Martin Grayling's Beano page with some nice historical cover shots and links to other sites and (now dated) guide prices should you have some historic Beanos to sell.
The official Beanotown Museum synopsis of the Beano Golden Age.
Beanotown official site - brilliant with loads to do including the unique musical experience that is the gnashaphone.
DC Thomson, publishers of The Beano, will be celebrating their 100th birthday in 2 years. I nicked all the pics from your site I confess please don't sue me - look I'm encouraging people to go there and buy loads of stuff OK?
Chortle Chortle.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 1:41 PM
A. Beano is a dietary supplement that helps prevent gas. Beano contains a food enzyme from a natural source that works with your body’s digestion to break down the complex sugars in gassy foods making them more digestible. It is the only natural product available that can help prevent gas.
Fnarr fnarr - no good to Johnny Fartpants then.
Of course we Brits know better; The Beano is actually a Great British Institution and today it's an OAP; that's right 65 years old. I never thought that Lord Snooty, Dennis the Menace & Gnasher, Minnie the Minx and all their pals would still be around at this time. But when you are seven you don't think too far ahead. Sunday mornings we would all go to 'the papershop' - dodging the hoards of News of The World readers shielding the latest Nude Vicar expose from our young eyes as they headed off to the pub. The Beano front pages were, and still are, deliciously drawn; full of exuberance, colour and life - you just needed to buy it. Comic colour printing in the 70's was still fairly primitive and for The Beano, aimed at seven year olds with pocket money burning a hole in their shorts - this meant most of the the stories were in one or two colours only but when you've never seen full colour lithography that doesn't matter - it's the stories that count after all.
Beanotown is a distillation of British life. Like the stripes on Dennis's jumper, everything is clearly demarcated and polarised. No blurring of boundaries here - Gnasher is truly the doggiest dog a boy could have. The Bash Street Kids were truly the 'class from hell' before the term was ever invented. Dads are always avuncular uncomprehending authority figures who wear suits. Teachers still wear mortarboards and slap up feeds consist of piles of mashed potato with sausages sticking out - no Big Macs or sundried polenta in sight. Many of the stories too seem to be prophetic. Minnie the Minx invented 'Girl Power' 20 years before the Spice Girls were even born.
[ Strangely Gnasher produced five daughters in 1986: Gnorah, Gnancy, Gnaomi, Gnatasha and Gnanette. 5 out of control bitch dogs? nah they didn't release their first single until 1996 ] Billy Whizz anticipated the instant delivery culture of cyberspace too.
Funnily enough Billy was a favourite of mine and I continue to model myself on him today.
My only gripe with the present Beano is the character of Dennis the Menace. Dennis, from the time he first appeared in the early 50's has a slightly thuggish wild boy look. Although the character evolved over the years he retained that slightly out of control and unpredictable quality. The Dennis drawings I remember from the seventies now look crude compared with today's character but I think the roughness around the edges contributed to the menace factor. He's just a bit too cute now methinks.
 |  |  |
| Dennis 1951 | Dennis 1968 | Dennis 2003 |
So many happy returns Beano.
I must away now to reload my peashooter.
Beano linkage
Paul Morris's Beano site - delightful with some truly Geekoid bits. I nicked the Billy Whizz pics from here - Paul does a great analysis of the visual devices used over the years to show Billy's speed and has what appears to be definitive web information for many of the Beano artists and characters. Recommended
Martin Grayling's Beano page with some nice historical cover shots and links to other sites and (now dated) guide prices should you have some historic Beanos to sell.
The official Beanotown Museum synopsis of the Beano Golden Age.
Beanotown official site - brilliant with loads to do including the unique musical experience that is the gnashaphone.
DC Thomson, publishers of The Beano, will be celebrating their 100th birthday in 2 years. I nicked all the pics from your site I confess please don't sue me - look I'm encouraging people to go there and buy loads of stuff OK?
Chortle Chortle.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 1:41 PM
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
whose lips are these?
they belong to the same person as the ear below.
Back in May I wrote about the questionable retention of human remains for 'scientific' research. Very pleasing, then, to read this morning that Manchester Museum is finally returning Australian Aboriginal remains to their native lands.
Comments are back - anyone know how to do mass edits of blogger posts to remove duplicate comment links?
sob
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:50 PM
Monday, July 28, 2003
As the comments are down you have a little extra time to work out who this belongs to.
More body parts during the next few days. Two people are involved.
Shower hour
I learn from the Big Brother Africa site that they have a thing called 'Shower Hour'. This sounds like just the sort of gratuitous nudity British TV has long been without. Looking at the ratings I predict it may well feature in future edtions of a certain 'reality' show.
I've managed to sunburn a 2 inch strip just to the north of my bottom. I think the builders cleavage effect kicked in last week when I was doing my Bob the Builder thang. Let me tell you chaps it's not a good look and it's itching like a buzzards crutch at this time.
no comments?
I know the comments are still someplace else - I'm doing all sorts to try and sort it so sorry if you had something you wanted to say - please do save it for when the comments are back - I so love feedback / abuse / ego massage ;)
Sob sob
"We have no clothes to wear"
So ? you're in the bleedin Seychelles what more do you want ? food too?
Strewth.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:01 AM
Sunday, July 27, 2003
First there was the unfortunate squishing of sniffer cat Rusik. Then the recolouration of Pelusa the polar bear. Now we have the sad news that Kuno the Killer catfish has expired. Kuno, who liked to snack on Daschund puppies [ What else? ] and inspired a rock band was found in a catatonic state in Moenchengladbach last week.
It wouldn't be the silly season yet would it?
Sensiti is on excellent form.
The hoverfly sequence is breathtaking - no 3 from the top being my favourite.
Is Tony cracking up?
We need to know
Self promotion - moi?
I tied for first place with myself.
Kinky or wot?
"I must say I love your site"
rob = founder of enetation
aww shucks
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 1:21 AM
Saturday, July 26, 2003
Isn't she lovely
Pelusa the purple polar bear is attracting a lot of interest at Mendoza City Zoo in Argentina.
"After a number of crashes over the last week we have decided to perform a complete database sync over the 26th and 27th July weekend. "
Love enetation
Er that's why all my comments have been wiped then....I see...hmm
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:45 AM
Pelusa the purple polar bear is attracting a lot of interest at Mendoza City Zoo in Argentina.
"After a number of crashes over the last week we have decided to perform a complete database sync over the 26th and 27th July weekend. "
Love enetation
Er that's why all my comments have been wiped then....I see...hmm
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:45 AM
Friday, July 25, 2003
 | Bignjuicy - the star studded final | |
| 9am The day kicks off with an earnest discussion on the merits of curd separation versus integrated whey straining as practised in the medieval period. Cameroon advocates the latter whilst Staph polishes her teeth with some pumice stone leftover from the statue restoration task earlier in the week. John, meanwhile, decides to get controversial by sticking dairylea portions to his exposed buttocks and slamming them against the windows. Damon looks on quietly. Roy is busy in the garden telling the chickens about his plans for cheese based hamster therapy when he leaves the house. 1.32pm The inmates are enjoying a cheesy lunch of melted gruyere, gorgonzola crackers and a bottle of Old Craig's cheesy peculiar. Roy's head is looking extra shiny after John polished it for him earlier. Cameroon has decided to abstain from lunch on religious grounds as he prepares to win Bignjuicy: TheFinal later in the day. Damon looks on, with a worried expression, quietly. 2.35pm The inmates are in the garden sunbathing. They are discussing the STAR STUDDED FINAL due to take place later that day. Roy looks wistfully at the chickens whilst Cameroon outlines his plans to take over Songs of Praise and introduce a national fish promotion programme. Damon is looking increasingly worried. Staph is talking about how she is looking forward to giving her kitchen cupboards a good seeing to tomorrow. 6pm Cameroon is performing his final whipping cream ablutions in the dairy room. Bignjuicy asks him how he feels about the possibility of winning later on. "Och aye, si ochal cuin am na nollaig, haddock and eight cases of red snapper" - comes the reply. 8pm Staph is evicted to cheers from the hired crowd. Sir Cliffe is waiting in his white limo and whisks her away for a night of toilet duck and intimate grooming. 10.05pm Damon is evicted and looks on quietly as STAR STUDDED HOST MATTHEW KELLY* performs, 'The Music of the Night' from Phantom of the Opera. 10.22pm Roy is evicted to packs of barking Irish Wolfhounds as the residents of Battersea Dogs Home are released into the community especially for the occasion. Roy looks ecstatic and his head is especially gleaming this evening. 10.23pm The realisation that Cameroon has won Bignjuicy THE STAR STUDDED FINAL dawns across the globe. L'OSSERVATORE ROMANO issues a '2 fishes special' with a full photo spread of Cameroon's best bits. Irish airline Gurnet Atlantic repaints one of it's planes as a mullet. White smoke is seen to issue from the Bignjuicy chimney. The Church of England decides unanimously to appoint it's first Mackerel bishop. 10.35pm STAR STUDDED HOST MATTHEW KELLY* signs a new contract for Bignjuicy 2004 *Dannii Minogue is pregnant and on holiday | ||
| |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:47 PM
Thursday, July 24, 2003
Bignjuicy: the countdown
Who cares? you decide
Day 62:
Bignjuicy has provided the inmates with much needed supplies.
The tanker arrived early in the morning whilst they were still asleep.
Now that the water supply has been refreshed BJ awaits a fascinating day tomorrow when the compulsory topic of discussion will be 'cheese through the ages'.
VOTE NOW OR SIMPLY SEND A LARGE CHEQUE TO drD, Bignjuicyville, UK
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:56 PM
Wednesday, July 23, 2003
Bignjuicy: the countdown
Who cares? you decide
Day 61:
9am
Cameroon emerges from the dairy room with five pints of semi skimmed and a black cherry yoghurt.
Damon looks on quietly. Cut to chickens pecking at ground randomly. Cut to gratuitous shot of Staph in shower.
9.30am
Cameroon has slanging match with John about gay rights. John insists on giving full details of his wedding to Nigel - Cameroon looks shocked - camera zooms in on left nostril repeatedly. Staph can be heard singing in the shower.
12.32pm
Roy enters bathroom and applies tube of Immac to head. Damon looks on from shower quietly. Roy's head shines in harsh Bignjuicy lighting. A birdsong tape is played in the background. Staph is seen with a cotton bud removing eyeshadow from the anus of a greek statue.
1.15pm
John and Cameroon are in the jacuzzi. Cameroon looks into John's eyes for over a minute. John looks uncomfortable. Cut to chickens pecking at ground randomly. Cameras zoom in on John's swimming trunks.
6pm
Cameroon is in the dairy room - the remains of a large chocolate eclair can be seen on the floor. Cameroon is holding half a pound of butter in one hand and a copy of the New English Bible in the other. A birdsong tape is played in the background. Cut to commercial break with mobile phone adverts.
VOTE NOW OR SIMPLY SEND A LARGE CHEQUE TO drD, Bignjuicyville, UK
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:01 AM
Oh yesWho cares? you decide
Day 61:
9am
Cameroon emerges from the dairy room with five pints of semi skimmed and a black cherry yoghurt.
Damon looks on quietly. Cut to chickens pecking at ground randomly. Cut to gratuitous shot of Staph in shower.
9.30am
Cameroon has slanging match with John about gay rights. John insists on giving full details of his wedding to Nigel - Cameroon looks shocked - camera zooms in on left nostril repeatedly. Staph can be heard singing in the shower.
12.32pm
Roy enters bathroom and applies tube of Immac to head. Damon looks on from shower quietly. Roy's head shines in harsh Bignjuicy lighting. A birdsong tape is played in the background. Staph is seen with a cotton bud removing eyeshadow from the anus of a greek statue.
1.15pm
John and Cameroon are in the jacuzzi. Cameroon looks into John's eyes for over a minute. John looks uncomfortable. Cut to chickens pecking at ground randomly. Cameras zoom in on John's swimming trunks.
6pm
Cameroon is in the dairy room - the remains of a large chocolate eclair can be seen on the floor. Cameroon is holding half a pound of butter in one hand and a copy of the New English Bible in the other. A birdsong tape is played in the background. Cut to commercial break with mobile phone adverts.
VOTE NOW OR SIMPLY SEND A LARGE CHEQUE TO drD, Bignjuicyville, UK
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:01 AM
Tuesday, July 22, 2003
Remember this?
The Citizens Charter was launched 12 years ago today - how it has transformed our lives since.
The Cones Hotline has been reinvigorated for the information age - click here to report those pesky cyber cones.
John Major - what a man - what a stud
Bignjuicy: the countdown
Who cares? you decide
Day 60:
8am
The inmates are asleep having consumed 65 pints of lager the previous evening.
Damon passes copious quantities of flatus in his sleep; cameras zoom in and out on his flapping duvet; the narrator speaks emphatically but casually. Roy turns over and his eyelids briefly flicker. A birdsong tape is played in the background.
10am
A birdsong tape plays in the background. Staph blunders, squinting, having just got out of bed, to the toilet. She throws up and returns to bed. Cameras make zooming noises. Cut to chickens pecking at ground randomly.
10.15am
A full scale row erupts between Cameroon and Roy after Roy pulls Cameroon's pants down in the jacuzzi. Damon looks on quietly while a birdsong tape plays in the background.
VOTE NOW OR SIMPLY SEND A LARGE CHEQUE TO drD, Bignjuicyville, UK
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:20 AM
Who cares? you decide
Monday, July 21, 2003
 |  |  |  |  |
| John | Cameroon | Staph | Roy | Damon |
| John is barred from winning owing to the fact that he is mad. Don't attempt to vote for him unless you are mad too. | Cameroon is not long back from Africa where he underwent a personality bypass. Bible reading teetotaller, he loves fish. Rumoured to be Irish. | Once an 'It girl', Staph is the last female and is busy keeping the boys company this week. She will soon be reunited with Sir Cliffe, her mentor, svengali and style guru. | Roy looks set to be offered a contract with a leading firm of pet psychologists. His naturally aggressive temperament makes him a hit with psycopaths everywhere. | Damon is rumoured to have been killed off in 1994 and has kept a low profile since then. He is favourite to win. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:30 AM
Sunday, July 20, 2003
The launch, in May, of Think Tank - the latest album from Blur featured artwork from 'underground' artist Banksy. He's been in the news recently because his latest exhibition, 'Turf War' featured live animals. Today it was announced that the animals had gone back to the farm because of the hot weather and the show had lost it's star attractions. The animals were painted and stencilled with various designs and the exhibits included:
a cow stencilled with portraits of Andy Warhol
pigs with police markings painted on them
sheep with concentration camp uniform stripes
This is all rather interesting - I hadn't been aware of Banksy before. I liked his idea of stencilling 'Mind The Crap' on the steps of Tate Britain before the Turner Prize was announced. He has a very obvious and direct style which appeals to me and obviously a lot of others. A number of complaints were received from 'animal lovers' that it was wrong to use animals in this way for the Turf Wars show. On the scale of animal misuse I think this ranks pretty low compared to burgers, chicken nuggets, cattle markets, bolts through the forehead and the like. I actually thought the 'Andy Warhol' cow and the police pigs were great. I like cows and pigs and I like art. This was an irresistible combination - shame it had to close early but at least those noble beasts can enjoy the after show party down on the farm.
Visionary
After my PE on the NHS suggestion on Friday I find this report in today's Observer detailing the idea of giving tax breaks to encourage us to exercise more. Spooky eh? May I further suggest a government sponsored prostate cancer reduction campaign perhaps taking advantage of the innovative method I reported on Thursday. I would be very happy to sign up for this as I am in need of some funds for new, stronger spectacles following an earlier pilot programme.
Never mind these two.
Cheeky Vimto is all the rage in Madchester - for the recipe fly on over here.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 7:02 PM
to make something less clear and harder to understand, especially intentionally
Saturday, July 19, 2003
The original issue seems to have been 'should the UK have gone to war in Iraq?'
There was much interest in finding the weapons of mass destruction (WMD) - cited as a primary reason for committing to war. There then erupted a 'row' between the government and the BBC about the alleged sexing up of the dossier. Weeks of media focus on this sexing up issue has ensued. There appears to now be little emphasis on the original issue, or the weapons of mass destruction. Now a government scientist is missing and apparently dead. The news is full of this story which looks likely to run for some time with enquiries and reports being published. Notwithstanding the personal tragedy here there is now even less emphasis on the original issue. Meanwhile Mr Tony gets out his hand of history again and appears to shift the emphasis further from WMD.
Strange that.
Krazee name krazee gal igologgogabingbong
Gigi Elilgoloff
Executive producer, Big Brother
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 8:30 AM
ZingoThere was much interest in finding the weapons of mass destruction (WMD) - cited as a primary reason for committing to war. There then erupted a 'row' between the government and the BBC about the alleged sexing up of the dossier. Weeks of media focus on this sexing up issue has ensued. There appears to now be little emphasis on the original issue, or the weapons of mass destruction. Now a government scientist is missing and apparently dead. The news is full of this story which looks likely to run for some time with enquiries and reports being published. Notwithstanding the personal tragedy here there is now even less emphasis on the original issue. Meanwhile Mr Tony gets out his hand of history again and appears to shift the emphasis further from WMD.
Strange that.
Krazee name krazee gal igologgogabingbong
Gigi Elilgoloff
Executive producer, Big Brother
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 8:30 AM
Friday, July 18, 2003
Minimal post yesterday mainly because I am completely knacked.
Having spent most of the last week re-landscaping my Dad's garden I am reawakened to the unique joys of physical labour. My whole body is zinging with zing hormones and things are happening. The overall effect is good - if you can ignore the blisters, bruises, bone aches, soil under fingernails + in ear canal + toenails + assorted crevices. Thank G I've got no hair or I'd look like some kind of crusty muffin minus only a Jack Russell and a begging beanie. All this outdoor exertion has reminded me that we are made for this sort of thing. You don't see many of our primate relatives sitting around for months on end tapping keyboards or watching telly. Human beings are made to be physically active we need it and we function better when we are. Compulsory NHS PE anyone?
Birthday boy
85 today - live long and prosper great man.
Nothing to do next weekend?
Clogging anyone?
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:21 AM
Having spent most of the last week re-landscaping my Dad's garden I am reawakened to the unique joys of physical labour. My whole body is zinging with zing hormones and things are happening. The overall effect is good - if you can ignore the blisters, bruises, bone aches, soil under fingernails + in ear canal + toenails + assorted crevices. Thank G I've got no hair or I'd look like some kind of crusty muffin minus only a Jack Russell and a begging beanie. All this outdoor exertion has reminded me that we are made for this sort of thing. You don't see many of our primate relatives sitting around for months on end tapping keyboards or watching telly. Human beings are made to be physically active we need it and we function better when we are. Compulsory NHS PE anyone?
Birthday boy
85 today - live long and prosper great man.
Nothing to do next weekend?
Clogging anyone?
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:21 AM
Thursday, July 17, 2003
The Pope's gonna love this one
I'm almost blind now but I can still just about read this ;)
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 7:56 AM
I'm almost blind now but I can still just about read this ;)
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 7:56 AM
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
The deed is done. I am hairless as a hairless thing and very nice it feels too. After a much needed shower earlier I just shook my head doggy style and it was dry. Passing pedestrians looked at me a bit oddly tho.
The other thing I've already noticed is that people like to touch it [ my head that is ] which is rather nice ;)
Looks a bit strange catching sight of myself in windows n such as I pass - 'who is that bald geezer?' - before realising. Well today seems like the hottest day of the year so far - so the carpet removal is a welcome change. [ 'welcome' - geddit? I know it's bad when you have to explain em he he
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:03 AM
The other thing I've already noticed is that people like to touch it [ my head that is ] which is rather nice ;)
Looks a bit strange catching sight of myself in windows n such as I pass - 'who is that bald geezer?' - before realising. Well today seems like the hottest day of the year so far - so the carpet removal is a welcome change. [ 'welcome' - geddit? I know it's bad when you have to explain em he he
 | Bientôt je serai chauve Well today's the day when I can start to scare old ladies, make the boys in the hood feel uncomfortable and achieve some temperature reduction up top - the axminster is going. Thanks to those voters who helped me decide. What a radical lot you all are. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:03 AM
Monday, July 14, 2003
 | lawnmower - update It's neck and neck - 1 vote each for 0, 1 and 2. No decisive outcome yet - more votes needed - it's hot again today. drD needs your haircut help & soon! |
Tomorrow is haircut day - but which one? Vote now ;) |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:19 AM
Sunday, July 13, 2003
autour de 2
Now that Simon has succesfully guessed the riddle - it's decision time [ and hurry up it's bleedin hot under this thatch ;) ]:
être deviné toujours
shiny > textured - how far?
shiny vs textured - to choose
cool vs slightly less cool - not a lot in it
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:10 AM
FubarNow that Simon has succesfully guessed the riddle - it's decision time [ and hurry up it's bleedin hot under this thatch ;) ]:
Votes | ||
 | 0 | 2 |
 | 1 | 1 |
 | 2 | 1 |
 | 3 | 0 |
 | 4 | 0 |
 | 5 | 0 |
 | 6 | 0 |
être deviné toujours
shiny > textured - how far?
shiny vs textured - to choose
cool vs slightly less cool - not a lot in it
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:10 AM
Saturday, July 12, 2003
Today I've mostly been shifting about one and a half tons of rubble from one location to another.
Presently I am, what is known in the trade as completely f****d. I've inhaled more dust than a city trader with a bonus. I have blisters in places I didn't realise I had places and I am sorely in need of a late night snifter or two to soothe my weary bones onward to the land of nod.
Oh yes and I've started watching Big Brother. This is very very bad. I may need professional help.
Fish sniffer pussy bites dust in contract killing
If that doesn't send the googleperves into a frenzy I dunno what will
Anyway - farewell Rusik the Russian sniffer cat.
Your job was to detect caviar smugglers.
Now you've been run over by a former sniffee.
Miaow miaow miaow vroom - splat vroom.
faire toujours un choix
nobody has it - what to do?
smooth sandpaper velvet fur spikes
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:35 PM
mon choixPresently I am, what is known in the trade as completely f****d. I've inhaled more dust than a city trader with a bonus. I have blisters in places I didn't realise I had places and I am sorely in need of a late night snifter or two to soothe my weary bones onward to the land of nod.
Oh yes and I've started watching Big Brother. This is very very bad. I may need professional help.
Fish sniffer pussy bites dust in contract killing
If that doesn't send the googleperves into a frenzy I dunno what will
Anyway - farewell Rusik the Russian sniffer cat.
Your job was to detect caviar smugglers.
Now you've been run over by a former sniffee.
Miaow miaow miaow vroom - splat vroom.
faire toujours un choix
nobody has it - what to do?
smooth sandpaper velvet fur spikes
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:35 PM
Friday, July 11, 2003
It's getting hot in here
Thursday, July 10, 2003
I don't know if it's the heat but my attention today was caught by three stories with a sexual connection.
Story number one
A 'club' in Auckland, New Zealand is advertising for prostitutes in the local paper using a stars and stripes crest.
The New Zealand government recently voted to decriminalise prostitution. Owner of the 'club', Mr Brian Legros said it was a "tasteful, classy, business" not a "terrible little whorehouse on the corner full of drugs and gangs". He claimed to have spent a lot of money on the crests, which are on the carpets and stained glass windows. [ Stained glass windows! in a tasteful, classy 'club' ! ] The US government are said to not be impressed. Never has there been sex sleaze or prostitution going on in America never - definitely for sure OK?
Story number two
Those racy Belgians are also planning to legalise prostitution and raise 50 million euros by taxing the proceeds. Who said the Belgians are boring and unimaginative?
Story number three
Nelson Mandela today gave the annual Red Cross Humanity Lecture in London. Mr Mandela declared war.
His claim is that the battle against AIDS is "no less than a war, a world war that affects all of us ultimately."
"Aids today in Africa is claiming more lives than the sum total of all wars, famines and floods, and the ravages of such deadly diseases as malaria." With 25 million people affected in Africa the need for a war against AIDS is indisputable.
I wonder how much more of a threat this situation is to our global survival than was the 'threat' posed by those weapons of mass destruction which now look as though they may have been paper based weapons of mass destruction. I wonder if the money that was spent on the war in Iraq - estimated by some as $100 billion - was spent on AIDS research - whether or not we could win a war far more righteous than that questionable affair in the gulf.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:48 PM
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
 | How may I help you? Does anyone know how I can book this man to come round and resolve a little neighbourhood problem I'm having? I think sight of an assault rifle may just do the trick. Failing that some stun grenades may be required. Thinking further it may be enough to bring a pen. Once the bleedin yobs catch site of their hero and role model they will probably all want autographs and stop driving me mad. |
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:53 PM
Tuesday, July 08, 2003
I realised tonight I had never seen Dr No all the way through. How did I manage that? All those Bank Holidays, Christmas Holidays and other ITV 'feast days'. All I could recall was the famous swimsuit scene. It was a revelation to actually see the character of Dr No - [ played by Joseph Wiseman ] - for the first time. Interesting too to see all the prototypical elements in this first Bond movie. Beautiful girl, evil megalomaniac with freaky deformity, hordes of drones dressed in vaguely kinky uniforms, vast secret evilcomplex (ie Pinewood Studios), catalclysmic explosions as Bond san does his stuff [ a bit heavy on the eruptions if you ask me ] - finally the 'drifting in a boat' scene;
Q: "We've run out of fuel - what shall we do now?"
A:"I know, lets shag each other senseless".
Roll titles
A man boards a bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls. He sits down next to a beautiful blonde.
The blonde keeps glancing quizzically at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he says, embarrassed: "It's golf balls".
The blonde continues to look at him thoughtfully and finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, asks: "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
Jezza
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 8:53 PM
Monday, July 07, 2003
Well after finally being in the house for more than 5 minutes I'm able to return to my beloved blog. Have to confess to being a bit twitchy when I can't do it. This is a bad sign right? When I started all this I wasn't sure where it was all going to end up. In fact I'm still not - but I think it's meeting some sort of need that I have. I think it stems from my Catholic roots - the need for 'regular confession' was drilled into me from an early age. Like some people insist they need to have a daily bowel movement. 'You shall evacuate your bowels and by golly if your body doesn't cooperate we'll bludgeon it into compliance with foul potions n such'. Confession is bowel movements for the soul. At least that's my theory. By expunging your guilt (which usually seems to stem from 'impure bodily impulses') you restore your 'state of grace' and become one with the thinginess again. It's all to do with some sort of sphincter issues in the early church if you ask me. St Augustine had a lot to do with it - he had a real problem with people following their self interests. If he was around today he'd probably be sectioned but back then he got made into a saint. Anyway my 'need' to blog may well be related to a confessional tendency and on the whole it's far more pleasurable than going to confession which is often about admitting you are crap at stuff, selfish, do naughty things you probably shouldn't and feel bad about. I last went over ten years ago and I remember it feeling quite good to unburden yourself to a shadowy figure behind a screen knowing that he couldn't tell anyone about the terrible things you'd done. As a system of social control it's great. Even the KGB never achieved voluntary confession on the scale of the Catholic Church. People turn up of their own accord, queue up, tell everything they'd be far too embarrassed to speak about normally to a total stranger and then leave not knowing where the information ends up but feeling somehow better in themselves. Sounds familiar? So is blogging the new religion I wonder? Interesting that one of the fastest growing uses of the internet is for such a basic human need as validation. Anyway - it's nice to be back but better go for now - need the loo.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 6:59 PM
Wild weekendfreshly squeezed for you by drD at 6:59 PM
Sunday, July 06, 2003
Noddy notes
Saturday, July 05, 2003
Anthony Dominick Benedetto b.1926
Friday, July 04, 2003
Tony Bennett's evenings don't last long these days - it's all over in about an hour and twenty - but what an hour and twenty.
After the usual maddashaccrosslondon the evening began with a little soaking up the pre-concert atmosphere outside the Royal Albert Hall with people doing arrivals. Mr Bennett, who has legendary sartorial elegance, obviously has his followers in the style department. A strange style parade indeed:
Twenty something pretty city traders in questionable chalk striped suit and check shirt combos.
A disproportionate bevy of Little-Black-Dresses sprayed onto Little-White-Women.
The World of Leather look [ and that's only the face ] with plenty of gold, peroxide and chest hair.
An assortment of synthetic 'frocks'.
The Special Occasion Sports Jacket was much in evidence as was it's close relative the Barely Used Double Breasted Blazer with Brass Buttons.
There was the understated GAP black ensemble favoured by the undersated underthirties and then the Scruffy Bugger in Jeans look [ that'd be me ]
The other key noticeable look was the wealthy middle aged in sharp tailoring and this comes closest, I think, to The Man Himself.
The brevity of the performance was almost made up for by it's sheer concentrated energy. Remarkable for a 77 year old by any standards, this was my kind of concert - no messing: The star walks on stage on the dot of the advertised start time and gets straight on with it, charms the pants off the audience non stop for the whole time then walks off to tumultuous rapture.
Anyway, enuff of the establishing shots. 'What about the music?' I hear you croon.
As you can no doubt tell, I'm no afficionado of his oeuvre but there were enough classics that you cannot fail to know. San Francisco, Fly me to the moon, That old devil moon and a few other moon related toons too.
He dedicated to 'that marvellous actor Kevin Spacey', who was allegedly in the audience, the bittersweet, 'Smile though your heart is breaking'. That for me was a lump-in-throat-moment - I'm a sucker for schlock I've realised.
His gentle derision of 'filing cabinet' concert hall architecture was warm up for the most touching bit of the evening as he set about proving the acoustics of the hall by repeating his celebrated 'MTV performance' from the Unplugged album. A call for all of the microphones to be switched off and then utter concentration as ten thousand ears focus on the raw unamplified voice emanating from the stage - a truly live performance and a spine tingling moment. The voice, a bit shaky in places, has richness subtlety and power still.
I suppose what I was hoping for, as we often do, was some sense of connection. Longevity, creativity and style are things I admire. This is a guy who is completley connected to another, legendary, era and one of the few left alive from that time who can still communicate it's undiluted energy with virtuosity. Like me, a self-proclaimed "museum freak", he's also a talented painter and appears engaged completely with life. As such I find him an inspirational figure and it was great to spend 'an evening' with him - even if it was short.
The audience, of course, did not escape without a plug for the new album, A Wonderful World, recorded with KD Lang, "we want you to buy the album - we need the money".
I was, I confess secretly hoping for a surprise appearance from KD - but alas it didn't happen. A forthcoming tour of Australia with KD is slated. I had my doubts and waivered until the last minute about going tonight - only bought the tickets 6 hours before. One of those evenings you never forget - if you get the chance see him before it's too late - go with the flow and enjoy it for what it is 'legendary entertainment' the like of which will soon be gone forever.
And yes, you can see the join.
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 8:00 PM
Thursday, July 03, 2003
Minimal post today - rearrange these words into well known phrase:
arsed
fly
blue
- that's me right now.
timicality
These searches just in:
'Tim Henman is a Tosser' [ 17.34pm ]
'Tim Henman is crap at Tennis' [ 16.40pm ]
- has something happened in Henmania? [ surely not... ]
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 6:53 PM
earth callingarsed
fly
blue
- that's me right now.
timicality
These searches just in:
'Tim Henman is a Tosser' [ 17.34pm ]
'Tim Henman is crap at Tennis' [ 16.40pm ]
- has something happened in Henmania? [ surely not... ]
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 6:53 PM
Wednesday, July 02, 2003
Well my round-the-world jaunt came two steps closer this week. Some news I had been waiting for anxiously means I may be free to go when I had been hoping. Now means I've got to get my ass into gear - [ he's called 'Neddy' ] - and start booking tickets, buying socks, stocking up on travel size jaffa cakes and spending a small fortune on Lonely Planet guidebooks.
The route so far - subject to change n alteration
London
>New York
>Los Angeles
>San Francisco
>Sydney
>Melbourne
>Perth
>Johannesburg
>Cape Town
London
Notice a mix of Northern Hemisphere and Southern. I should get to experience some interesting climatic shifts if nothing else. Just hope I don't arrive back with some dodgy cold - or worse. If you have any travel advice send it thru.
Statistica
My most topical recent post - judging by the number of daily searches that bring people to it appears to be this one [ that's what saturation TV coverage does for you ]
My most disturbing search visitors appear to be looking for combinations of the following:
juicy
horlicks
ballboys
10 year old girls
tim henman
nakedness
If you've come here looking for 'that sort of stuff' - bugger off and get some therapy. I have extensive monitoring in place and I'm married to an officer of the law.
My most popular post is this one - smashing orange - luvverly.
£££ - Reminder - £££
Your nominations for unpopular tax expenditure purleese! [ Cherie Blair's lunch bills / Speed cameras / John Prescott's speech therapist...so many choices...]
Thought for the day:
If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
From Jezza
comments sometimes work if you reload the page - sigh
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:22 AM
Tuesday, July 01, 2003
A few weeks ago I was doing the ironing - this is a rare event for me. I have managed to develop a strategy of lengthy periods of time which are ironing free. To facilitate this two conditions have to be met: i. I own a very large number of shirts - including some 'antique' numbers and ii. The ironing free interludes are punctuated by marathon ironing beer-fuelled frenzies during which unfeasibly large numbers of shirts are processed. [ This is the only way I can get through what for me is the most-boring-activity-in-the-world apart from attending meetings ] Anyway the last such frenzy was going particularly well; I was on beer number 3 or 4 and shirt number 15 or 16. Telly was on, stereo was pumping - only an expensive hooker was needed to provide complete sensory overload - but I digress. After consigning shirt number 14 or 15 to it's hanger I took a slurp and slapped down shirt number 15 or 16 ready to be transformed by my lager lubed laundry skills. I reached across for the iron. Distracted momentarily by some televisual goings-on I forgot that I had previously plonked the iron down 'the wrong way round'. It was a split second before it was too late.
Anyone who has cooked meat or fish will be familiar with the effect of intense heat on muscle fibre. The denaturing of protein is pretty devastating on a molecular level but essential to the flesh consuming world in which we live. The fraction of a second for which my wrist was in contact with the footplate of my iron has given me a taste of what it must be like to be branded. Don't believe what they say - branding hurts.
The last few weeks have been interesting. I've never before had such a bad burn. Only 2½ inches by half inch - it's been bad enough - how terrible it must be to suffer serious burns - how life changing must be the damage? I've now reached the 'dark read weal' phase. Bodily self repair is brill - my natural nanobots have been beavering away night and day and I'm hopeful before July is out only a faint scar will remain, a reminder always to me to check where I'm putting my hand before I actually put it there.
Down n dirty in Reading
Where geeks go at night.
30 mins only for beer and pizza.
death and taxes
Mercifully I'll spare you the first of these but I wondered what you thought about the second.
Following yesterday's little rant I wondered what taxpayer funded things people would prefer not to fund.
Concorde flights for cabinet ministers?£3400
Royal trains? £596,000
Large white tents in Greenwich? £600m
Tara Palmer-Tomkinson-Beckwith? £unknown
are these a few of your favourite things?
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:14 AM
Anyone who has cooked meat or fish will be familiar with the effect of intense heat on muscle fibre. The denaturing of protein is pretty devastating on a molecular level but essential to the flesh consuming world in which we live. The fraction of a second for which my wrist was in contact with the footplate of my iron has given me a taste of what it must be like to be branded. Don't believe what they say - branding hurts.
The last few weeks have been interesting. I've never before had such a bad burn. Only 2½ inches by half inch - it's been bad enough - how terrible it must be to suffer serious burns - how life changing must be the damage? I've now reached the 'dark read weal' phase. Bodily self repair is brill - my natural nanobots have been beavering away night and day and I'm hopeful before July is out only a faint scar will remain, a reminder always to me to check where I'm putting my hand before I actually put it there.
Down n dirty in Reading
Where geeks go at night.
30 mins only for beer and pizza.
death and taxes
Mercifully I'll spare you the first of these but I wondered what you thought about the second.
Following yesterday's little rant I wondered what taxpayer funded things people would prefer not to fund.
Concorde flights for cabinet ministers?£3400
Royal trains? £596,000
Large white tents in Greenwich? £600m
Tara Palmer-Tomkinson-Beckwith? £unknown
are these a few of your favourite things?
freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:14 AM