drD Dancing
Big n juicy - modern musings mediated - est 2003




drD's essential guide to modern knowledge

Friday, February 28, 2003
Strange how a near-death experience colours your day. So unreal it was hard to believe it had actually happened as the day unfolded with all it's routine 'normality'. Very weird indeed driving home tonight along that same stretch of road thinking of what might have been. It's all truly random. I guess that's what makes life such an adventure - you never know what is round the corner - how true that was today.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:20 PM  

What do you think about when you see the back end of a very large heavy steel lorry trailer careering across the road in the general direction of your windscreen as you are driving to work? In my case it was something like, "Oh God this is really gonna bugger everything up - could be a life changing experience". All this while David Blunkett was droning on Radio 4 about asylum seekers. Just an everyday journey to work like I do nearly every day, observing the speed limit, driving carefully and then shit almost happens. I need coffee.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:00 AM  

We have a winner
Thursday, February 27, 2003
Jewis Museum Berlin

I'm very excited. Having closely followed the design competition for the rebuilding of the WTC site my favourite architect, Daniel Libeskind, appears set to be announced as the winner today. Like the proverbial tortoise and hare Libeskind's poetic, heartfelt and spiritual design has come quietly through a strong field, it seems, to convince the selectors. About three years ago I was lucky enough to visit the, then unopened and empty, Jewish Museum in Berlin. The building is completely disorientating on many levels and, is intentionally so. The experience is one of having one's preconceptions stripped away and being immersed in a labyrinthine environment that leads you on a journey - the destination of which is unknown. Familiar glimpses of the streetscape outside are occasional references bringing you back into contact with the outside. The metaphorical aspects of the building are very moving. As a testament to the murdered Jews of Berlin it as a fittingly powerful statement. It is no surprise that the museum was one of the most visited museums even before it had any exhibits inside. It was clear to me then and moreso now - having learned more about the architect - that this is a very deeply thinking and feeling man. He is able to connect with the experience of tragedy and destruction and give it form. What is so refreshing is that this visionary approach to architecture, which in some ways redefines what buildings are, may be given space in the most expensive real estate in the world. Cool.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 8:15 AM  

Unless I'm very much mistaken
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
Yesterday I was looking at some old snapshots and it was weird to look at what used to be 'me' looking out at what is 'me' now. I'm always conscious when being photographed of this effect where you imagine, as the photo is being taken, looking back at how you will look in years to come. Then when you get to that previously imagined point and you look back you can remember thinking 'I wonder what I will think of this photo in X years time'. My head hurts... I need a pill. Anyway the Mr Bond story got me thinking - if I were the victim of mistaken indentity - who would I most like to be mistaken for?
Robbie Williams - Get attacked in the street by drunken Liam Gallagher.
Robin Williams - Get confused in the minds of 80 year olds with the other Mr R. Williams above + get attacked in the street by drunken confused Liam Gallagher.
Moira Stuart - Enjoy the respect and admiration that can only come from being a much respected and admired newsreader.
Liam Gallagher - Attack people called 'Williams' and swear a lot. Be more hated than...
Saddam Hussein - Have everyone agree with me every time. Might make trips to New York difficult tho.

Sadly, looking nothing like any of the above, I'll just have to go on dealing with the endless tedium of being mistaken for my present doppelganger [crosses fingers behind back].

The great GeezerGift frenzy reaches fever pitch and drD is truly honoured to be nominated in 2 of the 5 categories. "I'd like to thank my agents cat for all the love and fish breath over the years" etc etc. Troll on over there and vote before it's too late and he's compelled to do ironing or talk to his remote.

It's Juicy:
I used to lurrrrrrrrrvvvvvvvve this stuff. Ultra fruity for about 30 seconds then it used to go a bit rancid but you kept on chewing to extract max flavour. This is the pack design I remember best - looks a tad utilitarian now but seemed so sophist back then. The pack used to smell fruity too. God knows - it was probably made with asbestos or summat - but we loved it. History lesson here.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 8:44 AM  

Possibly the finest news in the whole Norwich area
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
Welcome to The Region
Celebrate your regionality! Always one to recycle, I give Alan another showing to illustrate today's theme. With the third most popular show on Radio Norwich - Alan for me personifies all that is best in regional programming, As a resident of Alan's region I get to hear nightly reports about Norwich, The Canaries, the weather in Norwich and the occasional mention of Delia, who happens to own most of The Canaries. I also get unlimited access to possibly the most exciting web cam in the Norwich Market area. All of this is sheer bonus as I have never been to Norwich have no wish to and probably never will. Thanks guys.

It's big: Australia
This great Nasa photo shows what a large proportion of the earth's surface is covered by the island continent - mega.
Herds of wild Kangaroos can be clearly seen in the south east corner of the image... [Image details]

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:02 AM  

To our members we're an opportunity to look meaningfully into the distance
Monday, February 24, 2003

Nothing like a week off to make you appreciate the small things in life. Like being able to stand and stare - for no particular reason other than it feels good - when usually you'd be doing a headless chicken job trying to get to work on time. Early morning car battery failures are a great opportunity to take time out and just stare into the distance as you wait for the fourth emergency service to arrive. Birds fly over, children scuttle past on their way to school, men emerge sheepishly from front doors which are obviously not their own. Cats dive for cover under stationary cars. An aeroplane flies high overhead and those birds just go on singing and singing. Work is fine but every now n again the machines let ya down and you have to revert to being human, standing and staring...

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 4:25 PM  

Sunday, February 23, 2003

Luxuriate in the sublime Dreamspaces from BBC Three. Architectural pleasure at last on a Sunday morning. Dave Gorman's Jubilee Line segment last week was as cool as it gets. [makes mental note to do geeky entire line trip v.soon] Strangely no comprehensive BBCi style website yet tho - the shoestrings for BBC 3 are 3 holes only. The blobs BBC Three ident is also great - Aardman should be paid large sums to rid us of those crap red dancing things on BBC1 and replace with animated Brit icons. A plasticene Stephen Fry / Peter Stringfellow with eyeballs on stalks / Moira Stuart doing that 'controlled passion' thing - yep far more entertaining. I can recommend the desktop Blob download - makes a perfect inhabitant for that weirdly empty Teletubby XP backdrop. Not sure how long I can deal with the screaming burping and farting tho.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 3:20 PM  

It's timberblogtastic in a nipply kinda way
Saturday, February 22, 2003
Suddenly everywhere you look there are articles about the 'rise of blogging as the zeitgeist of the new century' = "I'm a 30 something journalist and the way things are going newspapers won't exist in 10 years time - better find out what this blog stuff is all about quick". Or, 'If Google buys it then there must be something in it". Truly - history is being made as we Post & Publish.
Anudder cracking day on the solar radiation scale - the merest hint of warmth from that strange glowing yellow thing in the sky - so much so I foolishly wore my favourite Ben Sherman short sleeved shirt for a walk round to Mogadon Mart earlier. [Which is going to have at least one entry lovingly devoted to it in due course - watch this space]. Why do nipples do that in cold weather? Springiness is coiling itself ready to boinggg - it won't be long before those weird daffodil things emerge.
Justin Timberframe is equally ubiquitous [Did you mean: Justin Timberlake? - go on then] especially on Radio 1 which seems to have the hots big time for him since his sizzle fest with Kylie the other night. The excellent Swish Cottage has the true measure of Justin tho - Warning: not for the feint hearted. The cottage, meanwhile features in todays Guardian in an article about 'rise of blogging.....
which is where I came in.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 5:28 PM  

thoroughly modern
Friday, February 21, 2003
By the miracle of a '21st Century operating system' - this page comes to you via my all new Windows XP Professional System. Canna help feeling puhleased wid myself. [It won't last - I've been reading about the Blue Screen Of Death...BSOD - that'd be right] ;)

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:34 PM  

una oportunidad única en la vida
Thursday, February 20, 2003

And so to the Royal Academy and the Aztecs show. Through streets weirdly empty of not just cars but people also. It was all a bit surreal. I can't ever remember London feeling that way on a workday. Was it the strange power of The Redken?. Well, as soon as I got inside I realised why the streets were empty - everyone was crammed into the Aztecs exhibition. With good reason though - it is stunning. Nearly every object is of a quality that were it shown alone would guarantee the 'wow factor'. [this term is becoming so overused I know - alternative suggestions please]. The collective effect is to flood your senses with treasure after treasure and it was hard not to get blase about this. I had to keep checking the origin labels to remind myself that it was unlikely these objects would ever be in the same place together again. No exaggeration to say it's a once in a lifetime chance. Not knowing much about Aztec art and culture before - I was struck by how modern many of the objects looked. There were so many elements I've seen in work from other traditions I'm inspired now to find out a lot more and follow up the influence threads. What was unique here though were the purposes for which many of these objects were manufactured. Especially disturbing, the receptacle 'with tightly fitting lid' to contain the flayed skin of sacrificial victims. This for use when said skin was not being worn inside out by an Aztec priest revealing the 'bobbly texture' caused by sub-cutaneous fat. And there was me thinking it looked like one of those trendy fleeces.
Understanding a culture just from it's objects is, I find, difficult - especially in a dark crowded London gallery. Trying to get inside the minds of the Aztecs, their beliefs and practices - so disturbing to we 'civilised ones' - is something I will try to get as close to as possible before I go back for one last look.
Most surprising fact: Aztec dogs were largely vegetarian.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 10:08 PM  

Weekend wickedness
Wednesday, February 19, 2003

Saturday mornings are not the time when I'm normally wanting to focus on anything other than a large coffee.
Picture my distress, then, when I flipped on the TV last Saturday to find the two pictured above acting out some kind of weird food porno fetish ritual.
I was transfixed as Kathy and Alan brought a whole new dimension to the kitchen. Kathy, who is tousled to within an inch of her life, pouted impishly as Alan deep fried his ice cream balls. There was a delicious scene at the end as they both shared the steaming, oozing wickedness that resulted. Alan, all twinkly eyed and Rosy cheeked, playfully indulged Kathy as she poured large quantities of liquid nitrogen into a bowl of custard. Kathy helpfully pointed out that only experts can indulge in such Nitogenous dairy practices. Inexplicably she managed to slip in the startling fact that the vanilla flavouring she was using is closely related to the male sex hormone. Alan beamed proudly and twinkled even more as he fondled his pods. Rounded off with a sobering dollop of Mrs Marshalls Cucumber Ice Cream I was left feeling strangely soiled as the credits rolled.
Delia was never like this.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:45 AM  

You want 1 or 2 Jagahertz?
Tuesday, February 18, 2003
As expected, upgrade fever has taken hold.
Looking into the world of processors I find that Intel's next gen processor is to be called 'Prescott'.
I'm sensing serious image problems ahead in the UK at launch time.
[Deep american voiceover accompanied by laser beams and funky other worldly imagery]:
Where's me bloody dinner Pauline?
"Harness the power of your PC with INTEL's new Prescott Processor - it packs punch"

Nah - it'll never work.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 5:52 PM  

snot fair
Monday, February 17, 2003
Sadly ironic that on the day congestion charging hits London I should be experiencing a bit of congestion of my own. Just when your body senses it can relax it gives free reign to all kinds of hideous bacteria. Result: mucosal meltdown.
I was only smugly congratulating myself the other day that I had so far managed to remain healthy for the entire winter period. Ah well bugger the fresh fruits - I should've stuck with the lardburgers.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 6:10 PM  

Purrrrrrrrrrr ;)
Sunday, February 16, 2003
What a great day - sunshine, good food and a week off to look forward to.
[curls up cat-like purring]. PC upgrade fever is building - there are just so many tempting new toys around. It's gonna be tough to stay focussed on plumbing and tiling which is my true destiny this week. I'm going to STFU about the I**q sitch because every last two bit media junkie is getting their rocks off on it at the moment. Only one thing is for sure - it's going to get worse before it gets better and me whingeing on here isn't going to change much so it's blog lite for a while methinks.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:20 PM  

All we are saying is...
Saturday, February 15, 2003

"our government has not made a case for a preemptive military strike against Iraq, either at home or in Europe" former US President Jimmy Carter

"Tally ho, George old boy! I couldn't agree more profusely with your fabulously brilliant and gloriously articulated vision for the strategic security relationship forged in semi-metaphorical spirit-blood between our two mighty Christian nations" er THE PRIME MINISTER

"efforts must be multiplied. We cannot stop in the face of terrorist attacks, nor the threats that arise on the horizon. We cannot resign ourselves, almost as if war were inevitable. To the cause of peace, dear friends, offer the contribution of your experience, an experience of true fraternity that leads to recognizing in each other a brother to love unconditionally." JOHN PAUL II

" I don't see that it hurts our country any to give Mr. (Hans) Blix a little more time if that's what he wants." former US President Bill Clinton

Mr Bush is 'a president who can't think properly and wants to plunge the world into holocaust' Nelson Mandela

"any second now, your face is gonna start bubbling and dripping off your chattering skull - all because the French and the Democratic Party of Al Qaeda Gore turned this once-mighty nation into such a preening sissy, that all those 80's movies like Red Dawn and Invasion U.S.A. have already started happening in the real world.THE PREZ

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 11:59 PM  

Friday, February 14, 2003

My funny Valentine
Sweet comic Valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable
Yet you're my favourite work of art

Is your figure less than Greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

[with apologies to everyone]

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:00 AM  

You don't wanna do that
Thursday, February 13, 2003

As a 'them' from the 'them and us' duality I often find myself in the position of assisting others to do what I want them to do. [OK OK I confess I have managerial tendencies]. Coercion / leadership / goal setting / management - all aspects of those situations where we are told what we have to do. A lot of human and animal behaviour is geared to 'getting your own way'.
Just lately it's all been getting a bit out of the ordinary and I can't help thinking that someone has got us on the run. Suddenly questions like 'do I really want to visit London this weekend' take on deep n meaningful significance. News footage of scared Americans panic buying Chemical weapon protection suits, troops on the streets of our cities. It's all sending the 'right' message; "we're all in this". When the hardware appears people begin to take it seriously and get caught up in the culture of preparation for war.

The other night I logged into a web chat with David Attenborough.
What came across is a tremendously humble man who just seems to be in ever deeper awe of the natural world, has an infectious enthusiasm for learning and is deeply reflective. The latest edition of his series 'The Life of Mammals' included footage of a large group of male chimps setting out on a hunt - they didn't quite know at the start what they were hunting but they all got worked up and a kind of collective rush overtook them. Eventually they run into a group of monkeys just hanging out and doing monkey things. Just as the chimps were earlier doing chimpy stuff too. Suddenly there is carnage and the footage ends with scenes of a baby monkey being devoured. Something about us humans seems to need enemies to hunt demonise and devour. Personally I'd rather hang out in the forest - away from the chief chimps and their followers.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:30 AM  

Wednesday, February 12, 2003
January is always a difficult month for me. Darkest time of the year in so many ways.
It seems to go on forever. Today I realised it is actually now February which may sound odd as it's been 12 days now..
Feeling listless, bored with routine, needing to escape, sick of having to deal with trivial minutiae/inane people etc etc.
I wondered how other people deal with tedium.
Peter Graham took a course in Incunabula and Rare Books.
Nicholas Howe travels and takes a book to read.
DG does something similar en route and, as always, his way is so now.
Unsurprisingly Radio listening is suggested by the Radio Advertising bureau. Of course there is nothing more invigorating than a cheap tacky double glazing advert played 600 times in one day in between poptastic hits with cheesoid voiceovers.
I bring unto you cheese
The National Center for Supercomputing Applications swears by software tools. Which I can identify with as I often swear when using certain software written by with tools.
How may I help you?
Wastrel (14/7/02) reports a more subversive option for us wage slaves: "The author of the article went on to describe how he dealt with the tedium of employment by creating spoof anticorporate employee communiqués which he distributed throughout the company he worked in. Humour is a great coping strategy for dealing with mind numbing routine, psychotoxic office politicians and schemers, deranged bosses and lunatic callers. Good workplace jokers can make life easier for everyone. Try it sometime. :-)"
Yeah right. [succumbs to gloom and browses aimlessly to easyjet.com.]

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 12:01 AM  

Tuesday, February 11, 2003
There you are snuggled up with your cup of mud a'la Ritazza and a nice rubber croissant freshly irradiated by Rita from The Lemon Tree at 7am.
The tension is palpable as you relax into that precious void created by the absence of a fellow commuter opposite.
The whistle blows - relief - legroom assured until at least the next stop - Yes!
Dream on dr. Mockingly, just as the doors slide shut a distinctive rustling & gasping can be heard as Mr Nylon-Coat barges hapless victims aside as he heads purposefully for that tiny gap that is the dr's personal legvoid. FIRST there is the 'scuse me' with a barely concealed sneer. SECOND the Removal of The Coat with attendant static discharge to zap us all into submission. Then THE BRIEFCASE SLAM as twelve pounds of reinforced aircraft grade carbon fibre hits luggage rack. Nibbles rubber croissant meekly whilst pretending not to care.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:00 AM  

Do you want gamma rays with that?

Would you want your eyeball scanned everytime you wanted something to eat? Well it's set to be the thing for the students of 21st Century coolskool The Venerable Bede School -their exciting new website is yet to appear it seems - probably being crafted by nanobots as you read this. Highly trained technicians will be scanning up to 12 pupils per minute as they queue for dog burgers and fries. The frightening prospect is raised of a generation of visually impaired burger boys and girls roaming the streets twenty years from now looking for no win-no fee settlements from scanyoureyeball.com which by then will have long since relocated to 99 Skid Row, Nowheretobefoundville. I personally will be resisting technoincursions into my bodily self for as long as possible. Can you imagine the joys of scanning your eyeball at Sainsburys only to be offered an instant special offer on haemorrhoid treatments helpfully spammed to you following your earlier log on to NHS direct. I think not.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 9:00 AM  

We need more airports and we need em now Lady
Sunday, February 09, 2003
"Now there was a time when they used to say that behind every great man there had to be a great woman",
sang Annie. Is this still true? Is it possible for single men and women to be 'great' without the support of a great partner? Sure hope so.
In Essex the sisters do not appear to be doing it for themselves.
There still seem to be large numbers of em queueing up to get hitched.
Essex is home to Germaine, arguably the founder sister.
Germaine may now be the archetypal new Essex girl - < I concede that she might object to being called a girl tho - unless I was being post ironic - which perhaps I am.>
Anyway Germaine is in favour of a very large airport in Essex.
Apparently this is purely from an environmental standpoint. I'm wondering tho if it's just anudder example of Yimbyism so she gets an airport - the essential lifestyle facility for those Ibiza hard house trance symposia? She rocks.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 8:14 AM  

Baton charge at checkout no 12
Saturday, February 08, 2003
It's only a matter of time before they lose patience and start huffing. You can feel the vibe going into the back of your neck as they inch forward to the point where you can smell that lovely garlic fug left over from last night.
Next, there is the brush of clothing and finally the release of tension as they plonk it down right next to your fresh fruits and proceed to unload their trolley into the 4.5 inches of space available at the end of the the conveyor belt.
'Next customer please' - not just yet I fear old chap - wait a tad now whilst the dr charges up his gold card with those fresh fruits aplenty.
For now, at least, this rubber belongs to ME.

freshly squeezed for you by drD at 6:38 PM  

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